Showing breaking news satire snippets written by Inchcock.
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Showing page 9 (of 54 pages)
23 July 2012: UK Voting Intentions Poll
Labour 41% - Con 35% - LibDem 10% - Other 14%
Conservatives And Lib Dems UP 2%! What the heck?
written by Inchcock, 27 July 2012
MOD have lined their offices with £150,000 of fine art - while sacking 1000's of troops to save cash!
They were picked by Defence Secretary Philip Hammond.
"God I hate the nepotistic shower of Coalition Ministers!"
written by Inchcock, 27 July 2012
Cameron will roll out the red carpet for US presidential hopeful Mitt Romney!
Risking a row with Barack Obama. Who our reporter Bartholomew Utterswaithe reports: Refuses to tuck Cameron up in bed on Air-Force one ever again!
written by Inchcock, 26 July 2012
Mittenwalde could be the richest town in the world!
A certificate of debt found in archives, attests they lent Brlin 400 guilders in 1562 @ 6%
The debt would amount to £87.65 Million today!
"Wonder if they'll pay the debt?"
written by Inchcock, 26 July 2012
Knife attacker's jail term is cut by top judges
Even though it was only luck which saved his victim's life. Three top Nottingham judges yesterday said the term was too harsh and cut it from 6 to 4 years.
"What!"
written by Inchcock, 26 July 2012
Cameron: I'll never campaign to take us out of Europe!
No matter what the low-down, proletariat scum voters want?
written by Inchcock, 26 July 2012
New Government toll plan: motorists to pay for upgraded roads
"I should think so too! Just 'cause they pay more fuel tax than any other country, and insurance and road tax, they are getting spoilt you know!
"Damn the motorists, hang um, shoot um!"
written by Inchcock, 25 July 2012
London bus workers win a £577 Olympic bonus!
London's 28,000 bus drivers have won a £577 Olympic bonus, whether or not they their route is anywhere near a Games venue.
"What about the Big Issues sellers bonus?"
written by Inchcock, 25 July 2012
David Cameron doesn't 'see a time' when austerity programme will end!
"Bless the nepotistic, wealthy, spoon-in-the-mouth, arrogant, git!"
written by Inchcock, 25 July 2012
RF Brookes factory in South Wigston cuts jobs
2Sisters group bought them out. Owner Ranjit Singh Boparan in 2010, acquired Dutch-based chicken processor Storteboom, with sites in Holland and Poland, they had cutbacks too!
Sign of the times!
written by Inchcock, 24 July 2012
2 new witnesses - appear more than 30 years after the drowning of Natalie Wood
Express: The couple, have told police she was involved in a furious argument just moments before she screamed as she fell overboard from her yacht Splendour!
"After 30 years? Bet their reliable!"
written by Inchcock, 24 July 2012
Two-year-old girl plays piano concert to 200 guests!
Two-year-old Lavinia Ramirez has stunned her friends after giving her first public performance on the piano - to 200 people!
"Little show-off! Huh!"
written by Inchcock, 24 July 2012
Dead lizard found in loaf of bread from Tesco
'It certainly put me off my toast,' said William from Axminster, Devon.
"Certainly makes my finding sultanas in my loaf from Asda look trifling!"
written by Inchcock, 24 July 2012
Youth Unemployment Benefit Claims - June 2012
Cheshire 4.2%, East Hertfordshire 3.1%, Bexley 4.6%, Mendip 3.7%, Teignbridge 3.3%, Suffolk 4.3%, Shropshire 4.4%, Allerdale 6.5%, Northumberland 8.4%, Nottingham 6.3%, County Durham 8%...
Sad innit!
written by Inchcock, 24 July 2012
Police find alligator having a bath on cannabis raid!
A 2.4m (8ft) alligator splashing around in the bath is what 'greeted' officers acting on a tip-off about a cannabis factory.
"They say drugs can be dangerous!"
written by Inchcock, 24 July 2012
Council 'look left' road sign with right pointing arrow!
Council workers in Swindon have baffled members of the public for the past three years with a pedestrian crossing sign that says 'look left' but points to the right.
Metro - Photo
written by Inchcock, 24 July 2012
Man contracted Bubonic Plague from a cat bite!
The man narrowly escaped death. Paul Gaylord, 59, spent a month in intensive care and still faces having his fingers and toes amputated.
Mirror - Photo's, Story
"Scary!"
written by Inchcock, 23 July 2012
HSBC Apologise for Money-Laundering
They issued an apology after a probe found lax controls let Mexican cartels and terrorist groups launder money through accounts operated in America.
"Are they connected with RBS or Barclay's?"
written by Inchcock, 23 July 2012
15th century bra found in Austria!
A revolutionary discovery is rewriting the history of underwear: Some 600 years ago, women wore bras!
Telegraph - Photo
written by Inchcock, 23 July 2012
Census shows record rise in the UK population
With the 3.9Million increase in legal immigration, and the old gits living longer, what do you expect!
written by Inchcock, 22 July 2012
Bid to cap benefits is a success!
Ian Duncan Smith: The benefits cap is driving hundreds of families off welfare and back to work - eight months before it comes into force!
"Applied to G4S?"
written by Inchcock, 22 July 2012
YouGov's latest survey for Euro exit results
Fifty-one per cent would vote to leave.
As Yes Minister's Sir Humphrey Appleby would doubtless put it:
"Any commitment by a pro-European party to such a referendum sounds appallingly courageous!"
written by Inchcock, 22 July 2012
Gordon Brown gets extra £114k 'duty'!
He's raked in £114,998 taxpayers' cash last year, plus his £65,738 MP salary, and £20,000+ pension.
Claiming just £2 less than the £115,000 limit!
"Why are we not surprised?"
written by Inchcock, 22 July 2012
Labour to slap extra tax on fizzy drinks to counter obesity!
Why, whenever they want to 'help' us stop doing something, do MP's always increase the price?
"Fags, booze, petrol, soap powder, nappies... what next?"
written by Inchcock, 22 July 2012
Showing page 9 (of 54 pages)
