Showing breaking news satire snippets written by Inchcock.
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Showing page 7 (of 54 pages)
Van Persie & Rooney offered £220,000 a week!
According to reports, Van Persie has been offered £220000-a-week in wages, just under Wayne Rooney's salary, if he joins Man Utd.
"While I live on £124 a week pension... oh I am pleased for them!"
written by Inchcock, 12 August 2012
Pensioner knocked over in Nottingham
Inchcock Chambers had his right foot ran over and he was knocked into the bushes. But escaped with a bruised toe and foot, and jarred shoulder.
The driver shot off on his mobility scooter!
written by Inchcock, 11 August 2012
New York Penthouse listed for $100 million
The 8,000-square-foot apartment features 6 bedrooms, 9 bathrooms and a terrace with views of the city. It has an internal elevator and a wine room for 1,000 bottles.
"Oh, where's me pension book..."
written by Inchcock, 11 August 2012
Puss In Boot: Stowaway Cat Turns Up In Kent
Pussycat, pussycat where have you been? A kitten stows away in a lorry in Turkey and ends up 2,000 miles away in England.
"Probably just following the scent of its owners!"
written by Inchcock, 11 August 2012
Mexican Cooks Serve Up 173ft 9in Long Sandwich
Dozens of cooks joined forces prepare what they claim is the world's largest sandwich.
A torta can be stuffed with egg, sausage, ham, steak, and/or cheese.
"Osborne would tax it in Britain!"
written by Inchcock, 11 August 2012
'Psychic' Raccoon's Olympic Prediction
A Russian zoo animal tips China to top the medals table, just weeks after correctly selecting the winner of Euro 2012.
"Well my goldfish picked Zambia!"
written by Inchcock, 11 August 2012
Man sets fire to home by microwaving his underwear!
Firefighters saved an apartment from after its domestically challenged resident tried to dry his wet underwear in a microwave oven.
Memo to self: : A microwave is for leftovers, not your boxers
written by Inchcock, 11 August 2012
Miliband hit out at proposals to relax gambling law
He said: "I'm sceptical about lots more casinos and I was sceptical about the super-casinos originally.
"I bet he was!"
written by Inchcock, 10 August 2012
Now E-Ciggies can damage your health!
Electronic cigarettes face a crackdown amid fears they could be harmful to smokers trying to quit tobacco!
"You can't win can you!"
written by Inchcock, 10 August 2012
Interesting UK Voting Intention History
15-06-1984: Con 37% Lab 38% LibDem 23% Others 2%
07-03-1992: Con 38% Lab 38% LibDem 20% Others 4%
22-07-2012: Con 34% Lab 39% LibDem 14% Others 13%
08-08-2012: Con 34% Lab 44% LibDem 10% Others 12%
written by Inchcock, 10 August 2012
Nick Clegg promised revenge on coalition partners over thwarted Lords reform
Guardian: Will it break up the coalition? I doubt it!
"What a flippin' shame!"
written by Inchcock, 09 August 2012
England Football Team Shock!
Wayne Rooney has tested positive for a performance enhancing rug!
Ha ha ha!
written by Inchcock, 09 August 2012
Drought means massive UK Food Price Rises!
In addition, British crops have been hit by disease brought on by the highest rainfall in the UK since records began!
The £5 loaf is in the offering!
"Bloody Hell!"
written by Inchcock, 08 August 2012
NHS use of private ambulances puts lives at risk!
On one occasion recently a hit-and-run victim suffered head trauma but was allowed to walk away without a neck brace or anything!
"Scary!"
written by Inchcock, 08 August 2012
Britain paid a record £19.2Billion to the EU last year!
£53million every day.
Official stats reveal our payments to Brussels rose by around £1.7billion in the last two years.
"What is Cameron getting out of it, that's what I want to know!"
written by Inchcock, 08 August 2012
Home Office is spending £3,300 a DAY on hotels for staff!
Government figures reveal the Home Office has spent around £600,000 on hotels in just 6 months. The cost is shocking when the Coalition was cutting 18,000 police officers.
"Nepotistic Gits!"
written by Inchcock, 08 August 2012
David Cameron vows to push on with boundary changes
Cameron said: "Look, the House of Commons ought to be smaller, less expensive and we ought to have seats which are exactly the same size"
"Nepotist Cameron at his lying best!"
written by Inchcock, 08 August 2012
Lowest number of Police sine 2003
Drop in cops with numbers down by 10,000 since election!
"May I pass on the thanks of many victims of crime to Mr Cameron!"
written by Inchcock, 08 August 2012
Lincoln City v Leicester City friendly match cancelled
Friendly match cancelled... why?
Police heard the match faced disruption. Extra officers would be needed to ensure public safety.
With so many policing the London Olympics, this could not be done!
written by Inchcock, 07 August 2012
Lengthsmen jobs for father and son in Nottinghamshire
The position dates back to the medieval era and is essentially an odd job man or woman for the community, funded by the County Council.
"That takes care of two unemployed of the 1000's in Nottingham"
written by Inchcock, 07 August 2012
Saddam 'buttock' sale: Two men released without charge
Police said the bit of statue hadn't been authenticated. There was "doubt about its authenticity". The asking price was £250,000!
More than Rooney paid for his high-class buttock!
written by Inchcock, 07 August 2012
Man hurt as brick thrown at car windscreen in Salford
The incident caused the car to crash into a traffic light and the driver suffered a serious head injury.
"With so many local police at the Olympics, what's the odds of finding the culprit?"
written by Inchcock, 06 August 2012
Cameron poised to drop Lords reforms!
Coalition to announce abandonment of constitutional changes to focus on 'jobs, jobs, jobs', (More lies) striking a blow to Nick Clegg.
Focus on jobs... ha!
written by Inchcock, 06 August 2012
Taxpayers will have to £3.6 billion for London's new sewer!
Liberal Democrat MP Simon Hughes asks why public money is being spent to build the Thames tunnel, which will benefit a debt-laden private water company.
"As if we don't know!"
written by Inchcock, 06 August 2012
Showing page 7 (of 54 pages)
