Showing breaking news satire snippets written by Inchcock.
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Showing page 6 (of 54 pages)
Lords moan about meals you pay for!
The fussy peers - who enjoy a £300-a-day allowance and whose restaurants get a £1.44m-a-year subsidy - listed scores of trivial complaints.
"Bless them!"
written by Inchcock, 19 August 2012
Tony Blair wanted to end speech with: "God bless Britain"
However, the former Prime Minister said his suggestion provoked such strong concern from civil servants that he was forced to drop the idea.
"Not one of his better ideas was it?"
written by Inchcock, 18 August 2012
Longest game of Eye-Spy record broken!
Record holders: John & Alexandra Dudley, Cadeleigh, England
Details: 90 minutes 24/06/12 - while waiting for England to score a goal.
written by Inchcock, 18 August 2012
Boris: I'm more likely to go to Mars with Elvis than replace PM
"I've booked him a ticket to Mars Sputnik 239, and arranged for Elvis to meet him there!"
"It cost over £4m, but I'm sure Cameron will pay it for him!"
written by Inchcock, 18 August 2012
Rooney wants to go to Juventus!
Well, he'll never turn down an approach from an High class Old Lady!
written by Inchcock, 17 August 2012
Bartholomew Utterswaithe recommends resort for UK Politicians.
To the Land of Nod, near Grayshott, Hampshire.
written by Inchcock, 17 August 2012
Immigration: Britain is bursting at the seams!
Charlie Catchpole: We need to do something about immigration as Britain is 'bursting at the seams'!
"The indigenous people of Britain have been saying this for many years - but no one listened!"
written by Inchcock, 17 August 2012
40% of the crimes reported not investigated!
40% of the crimes reported in two counties last year were not investigated because of cuts to police budgets, it was revealed yesterday.
"Are you reading this Cameron?"
written by Inchcock, 17 August 2012
A 12-year-old boy was caught supplying cannabis in a park!
Police found his Nationwide book on him with 23gms of skunk cannabis. He cannot be named for legal reasons, admitted possessing class B drugs with intent to supply.
"Sad how things are going innit?"
written by Inchcock, 15 August 2012
Iraqi asylum seeker rioter given £3million home!
Nasir Muhsen, 18, who terrorised restaurant diners and smashed up shops was living in a £3million flat at the expense of British taxpayers.
"There will never be peace while this happens!"
written by Inchcock, 15 August 2012
Foreigners in UK jails costing £456million a year!
Tory MP Priti Patel: "Living in Britain is a privilege and foreigners who come here and flout our laws should be sent packing without delay!"
Nice thought!
written by Inchcock, 15 August 2012
Nott'm Council: Local children behaving better this year!
I'm proud to say that Nottingham kids have proved time and again that they're more reliable and trustworthy this year.
Far less of them are jumping bail nowadays!
written by Inchcock, 15 August 2012
New EU Directive 456179/002 implemented!
All citizens of the United Kingdom must be made aware that the phrase "Spending a penny" is barred, after 11th Aug 2012.
"Euronating" will replace the phrase.
written by Inchcock, 15 August 2012
Odds on Wayne Rooney's next club have been shortened!
It's now 8/11 Stringfellows, 3/1 Spearmint Rhino.
written by Inchcock, 14 August 2012
Roy Hodgson wants his England team to show Olympic spirit!
Roy Hodgson has urged his England stars to emulate Team GB and make the country proud.
"Why not wish for politicians to be honest and world peace - as much chance of success!"
written by Inchcock, 14 August 2012
Michael Gove is under fire for selling playing fields to Tesco!
The Education Secretary has given "approval in principle" for Newquay Tretherras Academy in Cornwall to sell land and buildings to Tesco.
"Every little helps?"
written by Inchcock, 14 August 2012
Olympic Football final: Brazil 1 - Mexico 2
Brazils record vs Mexico
Played 38 - Won 22 Drawn 6 - Lost 10
No big surprise then surelyly?
written by Inchcock, 14 August 2012
Unemployed working for free in a shop is not 'slavery'
Unemployed graduate Cait Reilly launched a legal battle after she was told she must work for free at the Pound store or risk losing her benefits - she lost!
"Rule Britannia!"
written by Inchcock, 14 August 2012
Olympic closing ceremony security risk level raised!
The UK Government have raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved".
written by Inchcock, 14 August 2012
Carlo Ancelotti is confident of landing Rooney!
As long as no-one explains to him that the Chelsea Pensioners are all blokes!
written by Inchcock, 13 August 2012
Man frees 17-pound lobster from restaurant!
A Connecticut man purchased a 17-pound lobster at a Waterford restaurant, then released the crustacean back into Long Island Sound.
"Bless him!"
written by Inchcock, 13 August 2012
Indonesian zoo moves orangutan to stop her smoking
Zookeepers have moved an orang-utan out of visitors' sight so she'll no longer smoke lit cigarettes people regularly throw into her cage!
"The little monkey!"
written by Inchcock, 13 August 2012
Man Charged After Alligator Eats His Hand!
Collier County Jail records show that Wallace Weatherholt, 63, has been charged with unlawfully feeding the alligator and has posted a $1,000 (£640) bond.
"That's handy!"
written by Inchcock, 13 August 2012
Nick Clegg says he's open to working with Labour
Providing of course he has any MP's left in Parliament - people suffering now through Coalition cut-backs and nepotism will remember it was he that helped them!
written by Inchcock, 12 August 2012
Showing page 6 (of 54 pages)
