Showing breaking news satire snippets written by Inchcock.
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Showing page 48 (of 54 pages)
UEFA will decide the length of Rooney's ban
There was a supportive voice from German referee Wolfgang Stark, who was impressed with the way Rooney accepted his punishment and left the pitch without fuss.
Well WR has had a lot of practice!
written by Inchcock, 10 October 2011
Two women have scoop £100,000 each in the first Health Lottery draw!
The numbers 4, 7, 35, 36, and 46, were bought in Bangor, North Wales, and Carnforth, Lancs.
Tickets are available at Tesco, Asda, Sainsbury's, Morrisons, & either of the Lib-Dem supporters clubs.
written by Inchcock, 10 October 2011
Leaning Tower of... Westminster
The Westminster clock tower is now leaning over so much the tilt can be seen by tourists at street level.
We believe it is as bent as the politicians beneath, but nothing else is that bent surely?
written by Inchcock, 10 October 2011
Montenegro 2 England 2 - Wayne Rooney says sorry for getting himself sent off!
A similar apology to when he swore into the camera, the sent-off vs Spain, sent-off vs Villarreal, sent-off vs Portugal, off vs Fulham, off vs Platinum Stars... and on and on being sent off!
written by Inchcock, 10 October 2011
David Cameron may clamp down on foreign workers, and sham marriages!
Firms to declare foreign workers: We're considering the move in an effort to drastically reduce immigration & sham marriages into the UK.
Willie Hague was a bit uncertain of the sham marriages idea!
written by Inchcock, 10 October 2011
Britain's Jobless Total to soar to a new high!
The Right Honourable Iain Duncan Smith MP - Secretary of State for Work and Pensions replied when asked about this: "Is it indeed?"
written by Inchcock, 10 October 2011
UK has highest unemployment in 17 years!
Mr I Ambroke, in the JCP queue told us what he thought:
"The way things are going the only people who will have jobs are those in the unemployment office."
written by Inchcock, 10 October 2011
Poll results for Political Parties Electorate Backing
Con's: 29% For - 24% Against - Undecided 47%
Lab: 22% For - 29% Against - Undecided 49%
Lib-Dem's: Neither voter could decide.
written by Inchcock, 10 October 2011
Mystic Meg horoscopes off-line!
We apologise for this disappointment for all of her forecast fans.
Due to an unforeseen technical problem.
written by Inchcock, 09 October 2011
David Cameron swings to the right say's his hairdresser Julian
Cameron's tailor, Wilberforce Ponsonby-Prenderghast commented: "I've known that for years me dears!"
written by Inchcock, 09 October 2011
Nick Clegg sends out questionnaire to Lib-Dem voters!
Clegg has authorised the issue of a questionnaire to Lib-Dem voters, to assess their opinion of the Coalition with the Tories.
When all three forms are returned, they will be examined thoroughly.
written by Inchcock, 09 October 2011
Two of Miliband's MPs quit the frontbench!
Shadow health secretary Mr Healey and shadow business secretary Mr Denham are to quit the frontbench.
"They will remain in the HP, according to sauces!"
written by Inchcock, 08 October 2011
Cable emerges as Lib Dems' favourite - and candidate to succeed Clegg
Vince Cable, the Business Secretary, has emerged as the Lib-Dem politician most highly rated by the party's members.
He quoted; "I'd like to thank the MPs, and the dozens of Lib-Dem voters!"
written by Inchcock, 08 October 2011
Labour offers tax breaks to boost growth
Shadow chancellor Ed Balls, has offered tax breaks to homeowners and small businesses as part of a five-point plan to boost growth.
Chancellor George Osborne quoted; "It's all a load of balls!"
written by Inchcock, 08 October 2011
Barack Obama honours UK ties
September: Cameron and Obama spent half an hour in New York discussing international security and the stumbling global economy.
Obama said he 'Honours UK ties"!
Maybe he likes UK shoes as well?
written by Inchcock, 07 October 2011
Heroin and crack addict numbers dip!
Number of heroin and crack addicts needing treatment fell by almost 2% over the last two years, figures showed today.
Synthetic marijuana, magic mushrooms, and Alcoholic poisoning deaths are up 6%.
written by Inchcock, 06 October 2011
What riots? Crime statistics ignore summer disorder!
The worst riots to hit British cities for generations. 1000's took to the streets burning, looting, causing hundreds of millions of pounds of damage.
Why are they in crime records!
written by Inchcock, 06 October 2011
Wayne Rooney's father arrested in police betting probe
Wayne Rooney Snr and Steve Jennings were arrested by Police, one of 9 men who've been arrested for betting irregularities.
I thought he'd had a bet on when England's next win would come!
written by Inchcock, 06 October 2011
Human Rights Act divides & confuses Tories!
The depth of divisions within the Government over the Human Rights Act were exposed today.
There were some in favour of Rights, a few in favour of Acts, but we could not find a Human Tory MP to ask!
written by Inchcock, 06 October 2011
Britain to press for sanctions against Iceland as mackerel war escalates!
Asked to do something about the Icelandic raiders, a Government spokesmen said: "In the event of any further intrusions, we will consider sending both of our naval vessels to stop them!"
written by Inchcock, 06 October 2011
Osborne finds £805m to freeze Council Tax
Made redundant Fred Up, commented: "That was nice of him, he most likely got it from his off-shore joint account with his wife!"
written by Inchcock, 06 October 2011
Britain's record-breaking heatwave is set to continue in some areas!
Of course in Nottingham they will have high winds, and heavy rain, with the chance of police stations being torched again!
written by Inchcock, 06 October 2011
Ed Miliband's first year as leader: Is this the end of the beginning - or the beginning of the end?
Well anagrams of Is this the end of the beginning? include:
In fight nothingness bite Ed eh?
Fine, I'd bet eighth nothingness!
Eh, bit shit finding Stonehenge!
written by Inchcock, 06 October 2011
Thousands of acres of publicly-owned brownfield land are to be released by the Government for housebuilding!
David Cameron, share-holder in David Wilson Homes, Taylor Wilson, Barrat Homes, and chairman of the Housebuilding Federation, announced at the start of the Tory conference today!
written by Inchcock, 06 October 2011
Showing page 48 (of 54 pages)
