Showing breaking news satire snippets written by Gee Pee.
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Showing page 4 (of 15 pages)
Obummer's latest Ebola "protocol"
Reacting to criticism of his administration's handling of the Ebola crisis, Obummer has announced plans to dispatch "swat teams" armed with flyswatters to combat the disease wherever it next appears.
written by Gee Pee, 16 October 2014
Runaway teens want to come home after joining ISIS
Two Austrian teenage girls who left home to join ISIS want to return home. "Beheading people isn't as fun as we thought it would be," one whined. "It's messy," the other agreed, "and sort of gross."
written by Gee Pee, 14 October 2014
Martha Stewart on Gweneth Paltrow's need to change lifestyle brand name
After visiting Gweneth Paltrow's lifestyle advice blog, Goop, Martha Stewart advised her would-be competitor to rename it. "A more fitting title," Stewart fumed, "would be Poop."
written by Gee Pee, 14 October 2014
Gweneth Paltrow orgasms upon meeting Obummer
At a fund raiser, "actress" Gweneth Paltrow told President Obummer, "You're so handsome; I wish I were 162 million people, so my love for you could offset your negative ratings among other Americans!"
written by Gee Pee, 10 October 2014
Supreme Court says it's okay to be gay
The US Supreme Court has decreed that Americans have the right to be gay. The Constitution, they ruled, implies this, just as it does rights to abortion, Obamacare, and anything else politicians want.
written by Gee Pee, 10 October 2014
CNN layoffs loom
Unable to compete with Fox News, CNN has announced the layoff of its news crews. "From now on," owner Ted Turner says, "we just do human interest stuff and other fluff."
written by Gee Pee, 10 October 2014
League: Kaepernick's behavior "sexist"
49er's quarterback Colin Rand Kaepernick was "reprimanded" and "fined" for wearing pink Beats headphones in support of the NFL's "Love the Boobies" breast cancer awareness campaign.
written by Gee Pee, 10 October 2014
President Obummer: unemployment down
President Barack Obummer takes credit for single-handedly reducing the U. S.'s long-term unemployment. "Due to me, both Eric Holder and Julia Pierson recently resigned, making way for new hires."
written by Gee Pee, 03 October 2014
Bill Clinton: U. S. can't win ground war vs. Iraq
Bill Clinton insists the U. S. armed forces cannot win a land war against Iraq "or any other country, no matter how many booties are on the ground, because there are too many gays in the military."
written by Gee Pee, 22 September 2014
France launches airstrike against ISIS (or ISIL)
France announced it has completed its first air strike against ISIS, or ISIL, or "somebody" in Iran, admitting pilots confused their target with Iraq and asked the Iranians' "pardon."
written by Gee Pee, 19 September 2014
Roger Goodell's mixed signals: a double standard?
Pressured by women's rights groups, NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell said players may no longer "head-butt" their wives or girlfriends, but allowed the Cowboys' Michael Sam to butt-head his boyfriend.
written by Gee Pee, 19 September 2014
Biden corrects the record (again)
VP Joe Biden says he "misspoke" when he characterized Jews as being "Shylocks." What he meant to say, he said, was "merciless moneylenders." He promises to be more "insensitive" in the future.
written by Gee Pee, 19 September 2014
Scottish scholars explain Scotland's "no" vote
Political science professors in Scotland say voters said "no" to independence from England, Great Britain, and the United Kingdom because that's as close as voters could get to a "maybe someday" vote.
written by Gee Pee, 19 September 2014
MPAA charges with "Sexism"
Feminists have charged the Motion Picture Association of America (MPAA) with "sexism" for labeling films featuring male nudity as "gross" while describing those containing female nudity as "yum."
written by Gee Pee, 06 September 2014
Twitter quashes rumors
So many celebrities have posted nude photos on Twitter that the social networking service has had to deny rumors that it's changing its name to "Titter" and referring to posts as "tits," not "tweets."
written by Gee Pee, 06 September 2014
New technology to offer better sex (toys)
Sexologists predict 4-D printing can (and will) be used to design dildos and other sex toys that create themselves by causing 3-D materials to assume new shapes after they are printed.
written by Gee Pee, 05 September 2014
Horse meat a hard sell
Following the British government's announcement of its establishment of a Food Crime Unit, horse meat fanciers may have to settle for dog meat, as it is expected to be harder to sell equine entrees.
written by Gee Pee, 05 September 2014
Scarlett Johansson on her nude selfies
"Actress" Scarlett Johansson is grateful, she says, that she posted only airbrushed nude photos of herself. "If the public got a gander of the real me, I wouldn't have any fans left at all!"
written by Gee Pee, 05 September 2014
Buckingham Palace guardsman to be "disciplined"
One of Her Majesty's palace guards, a "frustrated ballerina," will be "drawn and quartered" for adding pirouettes to his routine. "The queen was not amused," a spokesman explained.
written by Gee Pee, 04 September 2014
Vice Presiden Biden usurps President Obummer's power
Assuming the role of U. S. commander in chief, Joe Biden announced, "U. S. troops will chase ISIS to the gates of hell. If Obummer won't act, I will. Unlike the president, I have a strategy."
written by Gee Pee, 04 September 2014
Biden: "We will follow ISIS to gates of hell"
U. S. troops wonder how to accomplish the mission Biden set for them when they're not allowed to leave the gates of the U. S. embassy in Iraq. "Simple," says Biden. "You're already at hell's gates."
written by Gee Pee, 04 September 2014
Whee TV's "show sure to be a "hit"
Whee TV's new show, "Sex Box," features couples doing the dirty in a cardboard box at various locations around London. ("Box," producers point out, is slang for "vagina," so it's a heterosexual show.)
written by Gee Pee, 31 August 2014
Teachers sentenced for sex with students
A former female high school teacher received six months in jail for having sex with a male student, while a male teacher at the same school received a six-year sentence for bedding a coed pupil.
written by Gee Pee, 31 August 2014
All-male "bikini coffee shop" busted
An all-male "bikini coffee shop" in Everett, WA, was busted after female customers complained that the "cream" in their coffee wasn't exactly cream--not the dairy kind, at any rate.
written by Gee Pee, 31 August 2014
Showing page 4 (of 15 pages)
