Showing breaking news satire snippets written by Inchcock.
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Showing page 35 (of 54 pages)
Is Davis Cameron the least popular leader ever?
Come on, Blair and Brown must tie for that title surely!
written by Inchcock, 05 February 2012
Drivers are suffering "dashboard dread"
Halfords study: The vast array of buttons, knobs and switches baffles them.
1 in 3 admitted to "dismay" if a red light flashed, and 2 in 5 did not recognise the brake system alert light.
"Worrying!"
written by Inchcock, 05 February 2012
Deadly Gold Potassium Cyanide - Gone missing!
Two packages of potassium cyanide, which produces the killer gas hydrogen cyanide if it comes into contact with water, have gone missing from Enthone's site in Sheerwater, Surrey.
"Oh 'eck!"
written by Inchcock, 05 February 2012
2,698 weapons taken off the streets of London in just four years
High-powered machine guns are among 2,698 weapons taken off the streets of London in just four years.
"Well that's a start!"
written by Inchcock, 05 February 2012
UK Voting intention Poll - 4th February 2012
Conservatives 39%
Labour 39%
Lib-Dems 10%
Other 11%
"Who do they ask in these polls? Have you been asked?"/i]
written by Inchcock, 05 February 2012
"Compared to 6 months ago how has your household's financial situation changed?"
People from the UK, US and China were asked this. The net score is charted from the percentage who say "Better" minus the percentage who say "Worse".
UK: -25%
US: -15%
China: 0%
"Interesting?"
written by Inchcock, 05 February 2012
Tories beg PM to axe business bungler Cable!
Tories are urging David Cameron to sack Vince Cable as Business Secretary - because he is stunting economic growth.
"I see!"
written by Inchcock, 05 February 2012
Chris Huhne's Severance Payment
The £19,000 cash is available after he quit his Cabinet minister job to fight a criminal charge of perverting the course of justice.
"Oh... I want to be sick!"
written by Inchcock, 05 February 2012
Roseanne Barr plans to become US President
She's filed official papers as she bids to win the nomination for the Green Party. She is calling for marijuana to be legalised and wants war abolished.
"Sounds fair enough to me!
written by Inchcock, 05 February 2012
India tells Britain: We don't want your aid!
India's Finance Minister has said that his country "does not require" British aid, describing it as "peanuts".
The Telegraph
"Fair enough!"
written by Inchcock, 05 February 2012
David Laws to return to 'big government job' within months
Telegraph: Coalition sources have revealed they expected Mr Laws to be a "major feature" of a wide reshuffle being planned by David Cameron for late spring or early summer.
"Makes you sick dunnit!"
written by Inchcock, 05 February 2012
A Hadrian's Wall-style border might have to be built to stop illegal migrants flooding into England!
The potential side-effects of Scotland breaking away are outlined in a Foreign Office memo leaked to The Mail on Sunday.
The Mail: Hadrian's Wall?
"Fair enough!"
written by Inchcock, 05 February 2012
Ed Miliband: we have just three months to save the NHS
The Labour leader says that the worst option would be to press on with the bill so that the government can save face.
"We'll see what happens - what can he do? What will he do?!
written by Inchcock, 05 February 2012
MPs have splashed out more than £1million on portraits and sculptures!
Vain MPs have splashed out more than £1million on portraits and sculptures of famous politicians for the Commons as the rest of the country struggles to make ends meet.
"Bless the little....."
written by Inchcock, 05 February 2012
William Hague to meet with UN Official Leon Holmes - Iran crisis
Mr Hague has not yet arranged a hotel bedroom for the meeting.
written by Inchcock, 05 February 2012
David Beckham: My naked modelling days are over!
David Beckham has announced his days of appearing naked are over - and admits his children hate seeing his underwear adverts.
"Oh...!"
written by Inchcock, 05 February 2012
Network Rail gives executives £4 billion bonus!
Network Rail (who get £4billion subsidies) gives executives £15.6million bonus.
Network Rail Executives bonus
"Fancy that!"
written by Inchcock, 05 February 2012
Dozens killed after football riot erupts in Egyptian stadium
Telegraph 2 Feb 2012: More than 70 people killed in worst outbreak of football violence in Egyptian history following match in Port Said.
"Horrendous!"
Over 80 die in football riot! Horrendous!
written by Inchcock, 05 February 2012
Taliban will retake control of Afghanistan
Secret files reveal Taliban will retake control of Afghanistan when NATO troops withdraw.
"Tell us something we don't know!"
written by Inchcock, 04 February 2012
Speeding drivers should get fines of up from £100
31 Feb 0212: To raise cash for crime victims, Ken Clarke said last night.
"Well yer... lets make it fines from £5000? Why not"
written by Inchcock, 04 February 2012
Austerity Britain pigs out on pork
The Times: Austerity Britain has swapped beef for pork, causing sales of the white meat to jump, according to Cranswick.
"Well this UK OAP, would like to afford pork!"
written by Inchcock, 04 February 2012
Threat from new virus-infected emails which take over your PC even if you DON'T open their attachments!
Daily Mail: The user will not even be warned this is happening - the only message that appears is 'loading'.
"Oh shit!"
written by Inchcock, 04 February 2012
Saturday 3rd Feb: Four inches of snow to fall across Britain
There's a white weekend in store! Four inches of snow to fall across Britain tomorrow as the temperatures plummet to -12c!
"Shit!"
written by Inchcock, 03 February 2012
The New Ford Fiesta Econetic
The Times: Can you drive the Fiesta Econetic to match claimed of 78mpg on the Combined cycle then you're a better man than me. I got 55mpg on a mixed driving.
Mind you it costs only £10,985 to buy!
written by Inchcock, 03 February 2012
Showing page 35 (of 54 pages)
