Showing breaking news satire snippets written by Inchcock.
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Showing page 30 (of 54 pages)
Patient attacked by rat in hospital bed!
He was bitten more than 14 times across his back and neck, as he lay sedated in hospital, his parents have claimed.
"Government NHS reforms come in many shapes and sizes
written by Inchcock, 28 February 2012
18 year-old Rioter's Dad: Keep my daughter locked up for full sentence!
Yes, let's increase it by a few years for her and all the others criminals too?
written by Inchcock, 28 February 2012
NHS will have to ration further treatments, GPs warn
The NHS is facing such acute financial pressure that it will have to extend the rationing of treatments in order to cope,
"Oh, that's comforting for the slubberdegullion masses!"
written by Inchcock, 28 February 2012
Man who gave birth fears reaction of his parents
A man believed to be the first in Britain to give birth has described his fears that his parents will want to "convert" him back to being a woman.
"The mind boggles!"
written by Inchcock, 28 February 2012
1795 Cognac for sale as world's most valuable drinks collection auctioned
Mr van der Bunt said he was aiming the sale at a rich Chinese or Russian buyer. The collector said he would not sell to anyone considering opening the precious bottles.
"My bid of 55p was rejected!"
written by Inchcock, 28 February 2012
Jockey suffers 367th fall of career
Choc Thornton may be Britain's most accident-prone jockey after suffering 367 falls in his career.
"I wonder if we are related at all?"
written by Inchcock, 28 February 2012
New plea for George Osborne to cut fuel duty!
"Plea! To George Osborne? Ha!
written by Inchcock, 27 February 2012
5m people are being overcharged for gas and electricity!
Some pay up to £330 a year more than their neighbours - despite using the same supplier and equal amounts of energy.
When informed George Osborne said: "Mmm, I believe so!"
written by Inchcock, 27 February 2012
Petrol prices 22 per cent higher than in 2010
When reminded of this George Osborne replied:
"Yes!"
written by Inchcock, 27 February 2012
Britain's battle plans in case of conflict with Iran!
The Army, Royal Navy and RAF will have roles if hostilities are triggered by president Mahmoud Ahmadinejad's nuclear stand-off with the world.
"Along with the Sally Army, Boy Scouts, and the NHS"
written by Inchcock, 27 February 2012
George Osborne: We have bounced back from recession!
Britain has escaped a return to recession and is bouncing back towards prosperity, key economic data will show this week.
"Tell that to the 3.4m unemployed mush!"
written by Inchcock, 27 February 2012
Sainsbury's staff 'stole hundreds of pounds worth of Nectar card points'
Customers had hundreds of pounds of Nectar points stolen amid claims that staff secretly swapped their cards for blank ones at the till.
"But they don't use free unemployed staff like wot Tesco do"
written by Inchcock, 27 February 2012
Taiwan police bust pigeon-kidnapping ring
Seven people have been arrested in southern Taiwan for allegedly kidnapping dozens of racing pigeons for ransom, police said.
"Coo... blimey!"
written by Inchcock, 26 February 2012
Trolley woe as girl gets head stuck on supermarket trip
Rather than helping to free her, amused Tesco shoppers saw the incident as an opportunity to take some pictures with their mobiles.
"Alcoholism has many traits!"
written by Inchcock, 26 February 2012
Harrod's advertise 'Four Suits for £5'
It was for a deck of cards!
written by Inchcock, 25 February 2012
The Girl's 'Dress to Kill' night out!
I went on a girls' night out recently.
The invitation said 'dress to kill'.
I went as Rose West.
written by Inchcock, 25 February 2012
Goats bleat in different accents, say scientists
Scientists found baby goats can change their calls depending on the group they are in, effectively developing accents
"No kidding?"
written by Inchcock, 25 February 2012
Future aircraft will be piloted by a man and a dog!
The man is there to feed the dog, and the dog is there to keep the man from touching the controls!
written by Inchcock, 24 February 2012
Fan could not get tickets for the Elvis tribute show!
Albert Entwistle was trying to get tickets to see the Elvis tribute band, but when he phone it keeps saying:
"Press 1 for the money 2 for the show..."
written by Inchcock, 24 February 2012
Patient dies waiting to get Doctors surgery appointment!
A 65-year-old Nottingham gentleman has died while the seven day wait to keep his doctor's appointment.
"Nobody was bothered!"
written by Inchcock, 23 February 2012
Wayne Rooney to miss Ajax game!
Rooney will miss Manchester United's Europa League clash with Ajax tomorrow after picking up a throat infection.
"I suppose he denied picking it up from high-class prostitute Helen Woods?"
written by Inchcock, 23 February 2012
John Prescott: Show your own grit Miliband!
In a rare moment of sobriety, John Prescott sparked a new row over Ed Miliband's leadership after telling him to "put your bloody jacket back on" and "show your own grit".
written by Inchcock, 23 February 2012
Lord Prescott has thrown his hat in the ring for the role of Humberside Police Commissioner!
His manifesto is yet to be determined but it is believed he will propose a zero tolerance policing, with 10-year sentences for anyone caught throwing eggs.
written by Inchcock, 23 February 2012
Showing page 30 (of 54 pages)
