Showing breaking news satire snippets written by Gee Pee.
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First human head transplant predicted
Italian surgeons predict that the first human head transplant could occur by 2017, but admit a man may not "accept" the replacement of the glans of his penis with the head of another man's cock.
written by Gee Pee, 14 June 2015
U. S. government report points blame at itself
The CIA's report on the 911 terrorist attack on New York's World Trace Center attributes the 5,000 resulting deaths to "gross government incompetence," and calls for more taxes to "fix" the problem.
written by Gee Pee, 14 June 2015
Mount Kinabalu tourists arrested for public indecency
Four naked tourists were arrested atop Mount Kinabalu. Some locals say the tourists' nudity angered a mountain spirit, who caused an earthquake, but police say they were arrested for "gross ugliness."
written by Gee Pee, 11 June 2015
Charlie Sheen hospitalized
"Actor" Charlie Sheen has been hospitalized after eating his girlfriend's "clam." He complained that it "didn't smell right."
written by Gee Pee, 10 June 2015
Jaden Smith wears dress to prom
Actor Will Smith's son, wannabe actor Jaden, says he wore a dress to his prom because his mom's gown was "at the cleaners."
written by Gee Pee, 10 June 2015
Brian Williams to return to NBC
NBC execs say disgraced anchor Brian Williams may return to the network as in 'a new role" as a fact checker.
written by Gee Pee, 10 June 2015
Oscar Pistorius: time served?
Oscar Pistorius will be freed from prison after serving 8 months of his 5-year sentence for murdering girlfriend Reeva Steenkamp. The reason? "White lives don't matter," South African officials say.
written by Gee Pee, 08 June 2015
EPA warns Mother Nature's volcanic offspring
The U. S. Environmental Protection Agency said Indonesia's Sinabung volcano would be arrested had it spewed pollutants in the U. S. and warned American volcanoes "not to contribute to global warming."
written by Gee Pee, 08 June 2015
Hillary tells fan to "go to the end of the line"
Presidential hopeful Hillary told a fan seeking her autograph "go to the end of the line, unless you're donating millions to the Clinton Foundation." Hillary claims to champion "the little people."
written by Gee Pee, 08 June 2015
Chris Christie shows his true colors (again)
Taking time out from blocking bridge traffic into "his" state, New Jersey governor Chris Christie railed against Sen. Rand Paul for being patriotic enough to halt the unconstitutional "Patriot" Act.
written by Gee Pee, 08 June 2015
Morocco to sue Jennifer Lopez's ass off
Moronic Morocco is suing J Lo for her "offensive" ass. No complaints were made about other female dancers' assets or male dancers grabbing their crotches. J Lo vows to "keep shaking my moneymaker."
written by Gee Pee, 08 June 2015
FEMA closes offices
During a recent hurricane, The Federal Emergency Management Agency (FEMA) closed its offices in New York City due to "bad weather."
written by Gee Pee, 07 June 2015
No more patriots, U. S. Senate decrees
The U. S. Senate has allowed the Patriot Act to expire. Henceforth, Sen. Mitch McConnell assures Americans, "citizens are no longer permitted to love their country or to express such devotion."
written by Gee Pee, 02 June 2015
Hillary tells fan to "go to the end of the line"
Presidential hopeful Hillary told a fan seeking her autograph "go to the end of the line, unless you're donating millions to the Clinton Foundation." Hillary claims to champion "the little people."
written by Gee Pee, 02 June 2015
Plane shuns darkened skies
A solar-powered plane attempting to circle the globe without a drop of fuel made an unscheduled landing when afternoon skies became overcast. Passengers arrived uninjured (this time).
written by Gee Pee, 01 June 2015
Beijing enacts smoking ban
Chinese officials announced that, in an effort to enforce a recent ban on smoking, Beijing will behead anyone who smokes in the capital city. Dipping snuff is permitted "for the moment."
written by Gee Pee, 01 June 2015
Malaysian Airlines nearly bankrupt
According to its new German CEO, Malaysian Airlines is "essentially bankrupt," but, he says "it's safe to fly," adding, "Ask for a seat next to an emergency exit and brush up on your survival skills."
written by Gee Pee, 01 June 2015
92-year-old woman sets marathon record
Harriette Thompson, 92, set a marathon record as the oldest crone ever to compete in the race. Next, she hopes to set the same record in Athens, Thessaloniki, and "maybe" Triploi.
written by Gee Pee, 01 June 2015
Microsoft releases Windows 10
Microsoft's founder, Bill Gates, in announcing the release of his company's latest version of Windows, vows, "We're going to do it until we get it right."
written by Gee Pee, 01 June 2015
Xander Harris arrested in Boise, ID
Self-described "vampire slayer wannabe" Xander Harris was arrested in a Boise hotel lobby for trying to "stake" guests while babbling "incoherently" about someone named Buffy who, "told me to do it."
written by Gee Pee, 19 October 2014
Jennifer Aniston: "I was up to the job"
Before she became famous as the Girl Next Door Who Is Most Likely To, actress Jennifer Aniston earned her living servicing johns. "The porcelain ones," she clarified, "not the horny kind."
written by Gee Pee, 19 October 2014
Democratic National Committee chair predicts "landslide victory"
DNC chair Debbie Wasserman-Schultz predicts a "landslide victory" in next month's midterm elections. "The Republicans are going to win big time!" she said.
written by Gee Pee, 19 October 2014
Police baffled by mysterious find
Police searching for a missing woman found the remains of a human female that closely resemble her. Mystified, the head of the Missing Persons Bureau admits, "Now, we don't know what to do."
written by Gee Pee, 19 October 2014
Cruise ship Ebola free--this time
A health worker who potentially put the 4,000 passengers aboard a Carousel Cruise Lines ship at risk for Ebola tested negative. "Next time," she said, "I will try harder."
written by Gee Pee, 19 October 2014
Showing page 3 (of 15 pages)
