Showing breaking news satire snippets written by Inchcock.
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Showing page 27 (of 54 pages)
Boy, 8, takes 5-year-old sister on joyride
Police say an 8-year-old boy took his 5-year-old sister on a middle of the night drive and crashed the family van.
"Dad wasn't too worried about the van or kids - but the cost of the petrol!"
written by Inchcock, 18 March 2012
Milibands Office Burgled!
Luckily there were no policies there for them to steal!
written by Inchcock, 18 March 2012
Matador Gored Through Face Makes Comeback
Juan Jose Padilla the 38-year-old was injured when the bull's horn ripped into his lower jaw and emerged next to his eyeball.
"Some blokes are more horny than others it seems!"
written by Inchcock, 17 March 2012
Abandoned Fukushima Pets Face Harsh Winter
Pets bandoned in the Fukushima exclusion zone after last year's nuclear crisis, have survived high radiation and lack of food, only to face freezing winter conditions!
"Life's 'orrible sometimes!"
written by Inchcock, 17 March 2012
79-year-old Lottery winner in Nottingham
He said in the local newspaper:
"Funny innit, how I've been struggling on me own fer years, un suddenly everyone wants to help and talk to me - **** em all!
written by Inchcock, 17 March 2012
India ministers quit after caught watching porn in parliament!
3 Indian MPs including a women's affairs minister, resigned on Wednesday after being caught watching pornography on a mobile phone during a session of state parliament.
"Politician's... eh?"
written by Inchcock, 16 March 2012
Anfield Cat Is Twitter Hero After Pitch Dash
The cat that invaded the pitch during Liverpool's draw with Spurs has become an internet celebrity - with more followers on Twitter than £20m signing Stewart Downing!
written by Inchcock, 16 March 2012
Cocaine Worth £1m Sent To UN 'By Mistake'
A 16kg shipment of cocaine lost by Mexican drug traffickers has turned up at the United Nations headquarters in New York.
"Of course it might have been a back-hander?
written by Inchcock, 16 March 2012
Moroccan men set themselves on fire!
5 unemployed Moroccan men set themselves on fire in Rabat as part of widespread demonstrations in the country over the lack of jobs.
"Here in the UK, we'd like to set David Cameron on fire!"
written by Inchcock, 16 March 2012
Nottingham is third-worst city for poverty
Nottingham is third-worst city for poverty, says report.
"I was only saying this to my neighbour at the Jobcentre plus offices this morning!"
written by Inchcock, 14 March 2012
Bacon sandwiches and fizzy drinks 'take years off your life'
Eating red meat could take years off your life while a fizzy drink a day increases the risk of heart disease.
"With nepotist Cameron in charge here in the UK - it doesn't seem so bad really!"
written by Inchcock, 14 March 2012
Scientist's say: Fizzy drinks take years off your life!
"And the cardiac doctor advised me to drink a glass of fizzy tonic water every day - perhaps he doesn't like me?"
written by Inchcock, 14 March 2012
Boys destroy 13th century castle - smoking!
Boys destroy 13th century Slovakian castle trying to light cigarettes'
"They say smoking is bad for you - it's not all that good for castles either!"
written by Inchcock, 14 March 2012
Petrol to cost £1.50 litre by Easter!
And Wilko's shortcake biscuits have gone up from 39p to 60p!
written by Inchcock, 14 March 2012
Susanna Reid: What's the fuss over my cleavage?
"She doesn't have to look at them when she's on the box! - and she does push em out a bit doesn't she?"
written by Inchcock, 14 March 2012
Teenage admits killing pensioner in riots!
The 17-year-old punched Richard Mannington Bowes, 68, who his head on the ground.
"Yes.. after seeing CCTV of his hitting the man, then continuing looting! Violent bullying Scum!"
written by Inchcock, 14 March 2012
RBS and Lloyds cut 2,000 jobs!
RBS & Lloyds Banking Group, the banks bailed out by the taxpayer, have cut about 2,000 jobs.
"Any executive ones in that lot I wonder?"
written by Inchcock, 14 March 2012
That's mint! Pacemaker the size of a Tic Tac set to revolutionise heart treatment
The tiny device cuts out the need for major surgery as it is implanted straight into the organ via a vein in the groin.
"I hope the surgeons are not sucking mints during the procedure!"
written by Inchcock, 13 March 2012
Olympic veteran set to compete at London 2012 - at age of 71
The Japanese dressage rider competed at his first Olympics in Tokyo in 1964 at the age of 23, is set for another Olympic outing this summer, by which time he will be 71.
"It must be the Sake?"
written by Inchcock, 13 March 2012
Police officers dealing with 999 fallen by more than 5,000 since the general election
Spending cuts were blamed for the drop in numbers of "visible" cops.
"Ah well, as long as the victims of murder, muggings, burglaries etc know why, that's okay?"
written by Inchcock, 13 March 2012
Serial bride is targeting husband number five aged just 28
Mum of two Alison Smith, now 28, was ditched by her current husband when he caught her cheating with her latest squeeze!
"And this is the News from England?"
written by Inchcock, 13 March 2012
Prince Harry gets kissed by model at polo match!
Fernanda Motta, 30, gave Harry and each of his team members two celebratory smackers.
"An eighty year old lady was mugged at a bus stop in Nottingham" But who's interested in that news - Cameron?
written by Inchcock, 13 March 2012
Fraudster butcher in £3.3million tax con
Gary Turner convinced people he ran a meat wholesalers famous for its sausage rolls - but the firm had been bust for 14 years!
The Mirror
"Boy did he live it up!"
written by Inchcock, 12 March 2012
Second class letters taking as much as 11 days to arrive
That's eight days longer than the Royal Mail's target of three working days!
"Wight days? The same amount of day's it took me yo get a GP appointment!"
written by Inchcock, 12 March 2012
Showing page 27 (of 54 pages)
