Showing breaking news satire snippets written by Inchcock.
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Showing page 24 (of 54 pages)
Large supermarkets will have to keep cigarettes behind doors
Supermarkets will have to keep cigarettes behind doors or screens from tomorrow. Will it make any difference to tobacco sales?
"I'm sure that 90% of them come from Lithuania or wherever anyway!"
written by Inchcock, 05 April 2012
Egg shells into 'plastic' study for Leicester academics
A study to look at ways of producing a part replacement for plastic from egg shells is to be carried out by University of Leicester.
"Easier than finding a cure for cancer & heart failure I suppose!"
written by Inchcock, 05 April 2012
Don Banfield murdered by wife and daughter
The wife and daughter of a man who vanished more than 10 years ago have been found guilty of his murder.
"Family life eh?"
written by Inchcock, 05 April 2012
Pontins fined £1,000 over 'shocking' holiday death
A former holiday company has received a nominal £1,000 fine after the death of a woman who contracted Legionnaires' Disease at one of its holiday parks.
"And it took them two year fine um!"
written by Inchcock, 05 April 2012
New Blackpool tram derailed on first journey!
The first of Blackpool's new trams to set off from Fleetwood after a £100m upgrade has come off the rails.
"Very encouraging... now where's me Southport brochure..."
written by Inchcock, 05 April 2012
Sheffield refuse collectors announce three strike days
Refuse collectors in Sheffield have said they are to go on strike for three consecutive Fridays in April, in a dispute over pay. The union was due to meet with (Acas) & Veolia.
"Rubbish!"
written by Inchcock, 05 April 2012
Violent Arfath Ali escapes custody at Norwich Crown Court!
"Now will they reconsider using minimum wage security officers instead of real policemen in the courts? - No I suppose not!"
written by Inchcock, 05 April 2012
London: Bow traffic roundabout 'cannot be made safe'
A roundabout where two cyclists were killed in a single month will never be completely safe for bikes, a Transport for London boss has admitted.
"Nice to know!"
written by Inchcock, 05 April 2012
Car thief who crashed was eating, and texting!
Police say a Chevy pick-up truck previously stolen in nearby Richland ran into a ditch and drove through some logs and lawns before hitting a house.
"Hope he was jailed for a long time!"
written by Inchcock, 03 April 2012
Public warned against nasty territorial swan in Northamptonshire!
Boaters and kayakers are being warned to steer clear of a territorial swan along a stretch of the Grand Union Canal in Northamptonshire!
"No warnings for the nasty PM in Westminster yet then?"
written by Inchcock, 03 April 2012
Job losses as Derby food manufacturer restructures business!
Perween Warsi CBE, founded S&A Foods as a young mother in the 1980s, naming it after her sons Sadiq and Abid.
"Job losses?... In England?... Never, well I'll be blowed!"
written by Inchcock, 03 April 2012
Bomb squad recovers V2 rocket remnants from Harwich mud!
Bomb disposal teams have recovered a section of a German V2 rocket from World War II buried in the mudflats at Harwich Harbour.
"Bet Hitler's laughing in his grave!"
written by Inchcock, 03 April 2012
Ipswich Town renames stand after Sir Alf Ramsey
Grand idea too!
"Perhaps they could consider renaming their rubbish dumps after Sven-Goran Erikson, Steve McClaren, Fabio Capello too?
written by Inchcock, 03 April 2012
George Galloway's Secret to his winning ways!
Cigars, and his new (2010) bride Putri Gayatri Pertiwi, 27, who is two years younger than Mr Galloway's first child, Lucy, and 30 years younger than the MP himself.
Lucky bugger!
written by Inchcock, 03 April 2012
Fuel strike: Government advice to drivers changed after panic buying!
Wednesday, David Cameron told motorists to "top up" their tanks in case of a strike!
A lady, who suffered severe burns decanting petrol at home, is critically ill in hospital!
"No win No Fee?"
written by Inchcock, 03 April 2012
Jersey minimum wage rises £6.48 per hour!
The rate for England is going up to £6.19 per hour!
"For God's sake don't tell Cameron, he'll have a dicky-fit!"
written by Inchcock, 03 April 2012
Royal Sussex County Hospital morphine diluted!
They were found at Brighton's Royal Sussex County Hospital in March. The Brighton and Sussex University Hospitals NHS Trust said.
"Worrying innit?"
written by Inchcock, 03 April 2012
Hiker Attacked By Lion Is Saved By Bear!
Robert Biggs, 69, said: I tussled with the cat and hit it on the head with a rock, but it still clung on.
I was only saved when the bear approached, grabbed the lion and ripped it off me!
"Amazing!"
written by Inchcock, 02 April 2012
Last Titanic menu fetches £76,000!
It was among hundreds of items from the ship auctioned in Wiltshire ahead of the 100th anniversary of its sinking in the Atlantic Ocean.
Sea food being on special offer?
written by Inchcock, 02 April 2012
University Hospitals of Leicester NHS Trust to cut 400 jobs!
Hospital Managers said: It would not affect patient care!
"BOLLOCKS!"
written by Inchcock, 02 April 2012
Beyonce, the tiny puppy fits into spoon at birth
A female dachshund mix who was born to a rescue dog that was found abandoned, wandering the streets. At birth, she weighed just 1 ounce and could fit into a teaspoon!
"I'd have loved to have seen her!"
written by Inchcock, 02 April 2012
Elephant flees bath in Irish circus!
Instead, the 40-year-old 'Baby' bolted from a circus in southern Ireland, causing some alarm to customers in a coffee shop where keepers caught up with the runaway!
"That's nothing, have you ever tried to bath a cat!"
written by Inchcock, 01 April 2012
Italian pharmacists threaten to halt Viagra sales
Union official L Vasselli said pharmacists decided to focus the protest on Viagra because it is a sought-after drug whose absence "does not put patients' health at risk."
"So she tell s us?"
written by Inchcock, 01 April 2012
Showing page 24 (of 54 pages)
