Showing breaking news satire snippets written by Gee Pee.
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Showing page 2 (of 15 pages)
Cemex wants Trump to build wall
Mexican cement company Cemex offered the U. S. "cut-rate prices" for its product, which executives hope will be used to build a wall to keep illegal immigrants at home, where cheap labor is needed.
written by Gee Pee, 02 March 2017
Rachel Dolezal changes name
Although Rachel Dolezal, a white woman pretending she's black, says she can't afford to pay her bills, she was able to pay for a legal name change and is now known as Out of Africa.
written by Gee Pee, 02 March 2017
Jeff Sessions rescues himself from Russian investigations
Previously, Attorney General Sessions said he's had no communications with Russia. Now, pleading the 5th Amendment, he will have no communications with the Justice Department.
written by Gee Pee, 02 March 2017
Taliban leader asks Afghans for favor
Mullah Haibatullah Akhundzada asked Afghans to plant trees. "We need more places from which to ambush American dogs," he said.
written by Gee Pee, 26 February 2017
Randy Quaid's act unconvincing
Has-been actor Randy Quaid was arrested at the border when, according to Mounties, he tried to impersonate a Canuck in order to illegally enter Canada. (The U. S. doesn't want him, either.)
written by Gee Pee, 26 February 2017
You Can Tel It's Mattel: They Swell!
To keep up with the times, Mattel has introduced Transgender Ken. When his left arm is twisted, he grows boobs. "He can get as big as a 36C." Barbie says. "I'm jealous, because I'm on a 32B."
written by Gee Pee, 26 February 2017
Boobs or Butts? Porn researchers know your preferred fetish
According to researchers, Internet users in the East prefer boobs, while Western Webheads would rather ogle butts. Penile preferences were not included in the study, as they're regarded as "too gay."
written by Gee Pee, 26 February 2017
Discovery explains a lot
According to scientists, Neanderthal genes still influence our genes, especially those of Hillary Clinton.
written by Gee Pee, 26 February 2017
Ollie returns to safety of zoo
After carousing the streets of the nation's capital, Ollie the bobcat, deciding he preferred the zoo, returned to his cage.
written by Gee Pee, 26 February 2017
USMC: Hillary a bitch
According to presidential candidate Hillary Clinton, the United States Marine Corps turned her down when she sought to enlist at age 27. "Maybe the dogs will take you," the recruiter suggested.
written by Gee Pee, 13 November 2015
Cops wah wah re: wanton wanker
Because he's "open" about his pastime (masturbating in public), NYPD are looking for a "well-endowed male black." "He'd be OK if he'd use a little circumcision--uh, circumspection," cops say.
written by Gee Pee, 10 October 2015
Cops seek wanker
Because he's "open" about his pastime (masturbating in public), NYPD are looking for a "well-endowed male black." "He'd be OK if he'd use a little circumcision--uh, circumspection," cops say.
written by Gee Pee, 10 October 2015
Nollywood's biggest boobs
"My boobs are Nollywood's biggest," Mitchell Ozakpol boasts. "Weighing in at a whopping 33 pounds of silicone, they give me more bounce to the ounce than any other female celebrity in Nigeria."
written by Gee Pee, 10 October 2015
Boobs or Butts? Porn researchers know your preferred fetish
According to researchers, Internet users in the East prefer boobs, while Western Webheads would rather ogle butts. Penile preferences were not included in the study, as they're regarded as "too gay."
written by Gee Pee, 10 October 2015
You Can Tell It's Mattel: They Swell!
To keep up with the times, Mattel has introduced Transgender Ken. When his left arm is twisted, he grows boobs. "He can get as big as a 36C." Barbie says. "I'm jealous, because I'm only a 32B."
written by Gee Pee, 10 October 2015
Kim Kardashian: "I envy Caitlyn Jenner's boobs"
Kim Kardashian admits she'd "love a pair of pert and pretties" like those of transsexual swimmer Caitlyn (nee Bruce) Jenner but says she--Kardashian, not Jenner--is "allergic to silicone."
written by Gee Pee, 10 October 2015
One of Harry Reed's relatives, no dount
A woman glued her eye shut when her husband mistakenly handed her a tube of Superglue instead of eye drops after debris blew into her eye. She has since filed for divorce.
written by Gee Pee, 10 October 2015
"Paranoid" woman admitted for psychiatric observation
Ima Twit, admitted to a mental health facility for observation after complaining her skinny jeans tried to murder her by "constricting" her to death, said, "They're tighter than a boa constrictor."
written by Gee Pee, 23 June 2015
Paris Hilton's "Quote, Unquote"
Social butterfly Paris Hilton's "Quote, Unquote" has just been published. Sample? "At first, I wanted to be a veterinarian, but then I thought, a diet of all fruits and vegetables would get boring."
written by Gee Pee, 22 June 2015
Prince Michael II changes name
To avoid further bullying due to his ridiculous nickname, "Blanket" (Michael Jackson's son Prince Michael II) has changed his nickname to "Sheets and Pillow Case" or "Bedding," for short.
written by Gee Pee, 19 June 2015
Jeb Bush to run for president
Jeb Bush has joined the 2016 presidential race, declaring, "If there's a Clinton in the race, there must also be a Bush. The American people want a choice between one dynasty or the other."
written by Gee Pee, 15 June 2015
Rachel Dolezal resigns as "token" African-American
NAACP activist Rachel Dolezal resigned when she realized she is white, not black. The blue-eyed blonde vows to dye her hair its "original" color and forgo curling treatments and using tanning booths.
written by Gee Pee, 15 June 2015
Kristen Stewart's new girlfriend prompts mom to seek intevention for her daughter
"Twilight" "actress" Kristen Stewart's mom, Jules, has hired a dating assistant to try to help Kristen, who is dating another woman, "get back on the straight and narrow."
written by Gee Pee, 15 June 2015
Loose lips will win, Dunham wagers
Jimmy Fallon has agreed to a lip sync duel with Lena Dunham. He bets his lips will win the contest, while she's wagering her labia.
written by Gee Pee, 14 June 2015
Showing page 2 (of 15 pages)
