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Showing page 11 (of 15 pages)
Obama snubs Mandela, refuses to meet with him
President Barak Obama, visiting Africa, refused to meet with former South African leader and hero emeritus Nelson Mandela. "Since he's dying," Obama said, "he's of no political value to me."
written by Gee Pee, 29 June 2013
Face transplant patient loses face
After receiving a face transplant, Rick Norris finds that "no one will speak to me." He believes his problem may be that surgeons used an Obama mask as the template in molding his new likeness.
written by Gee Pee, 29 June 2013
At last, Chris Christie finds something even he can't stomach
Republican Gov. Chris Christie, despite ongoing bouts with obesity, managed to distance himself from the president. Once cozy with Obama, Christie, who seeks re-election, said, "He's distatesful."
written by Gee Pee, 29 June 2013
Alec Baldwin puts foot in mouth
Alec Baldwin tweeted to a gay journalist who allegedly insulted the actor's wife, "I'd put my foot up your ass, but I'm afraid I'd enjoy it too much." Baldwin's foot fetish is legendary (now).
written by Gee Pee, 29 June 2013
Alternative birth control now available to all
In the United States, morning-after abortifacients must be sold to minors 12 and older, courts hold, with or without parental consent or physician consultation. Younger girls may seek hysterectomies.
written by Gee Pee, 29 June 2013
Paula Deen offered new opportunity
Embattled chef Paula Dean has lost her TV show, her sponsors, her sales outlets, and her publisher. However, she's been given a chance to star as a victim in a reality TV show, When Pit Bulls Attack.
written by Gee Pee, 29 June 2013
No brain, no matter
President Obama is often called a political "rock star." It may be bad for his image, then, that a real rocker, Mick Jagger himself, recently said, "You don't have to have brains to be a rock star."
written by Gee Pee, 29 June 2013
Melissa Etheridge to wed
Lesbian rock star Melissa Etheridge says she is marrying. "I don't know who yet," she admitted, "but I'm not about to let the opportunity slip away now that the Supreme Court will let me marry pussy."
written by Gee Pee, 29 June 2013
Too little, too late?
Although newly discovered photos and other artefacts may help locate American flier Amelia Earhart, it may be too late to save her, as she vanished over 75 years ago and possibly could be dead by now.
written by Gee Pee, 29 June 2013
New Guinea may change national coat of arms
To honor natives' virility, New Guinea may add penis sheaths to the nation's traditional coat of arms. Made of gourds and decorated with animal teeth, some sheaths may contain semen or other fluids.
written by Gee Pee, 29 June 2013
Queen receives increase in income
Queen Elizabeth just set the United Kingdom back another million pounds, the amount of her pension increase. "However," Her Majesty proclaims, "I'm worth it."
written by Gee Pee, 29 June 2013
Chaz Bono would like to wed
Cher's transsexual son, Chaz (nee Chastity), would like to take advantage of the recent Supreme Court ruling allowing gay marriage, but "no one's interested in being my wife," he laments.
written by Gee Pee, 29 June 2013
Jean Podrasky to wed
Lesbian Jean Podrasky vows to take vows now that her cousin, Chief Justice John Roberts, and his colleagues made it legal to marry same-sex partners. "I'm happy to help Jean with that," Roberts said.
written by Gee Pee, 29 June 2013
Alec Baldwin's sweet tweets
During James Gandolfini's funeral, bad boy actor Alec Baldwin tweeted, "For the worms," the obese celebrity's remains will be "sweet treats." Later, he apologized. "I meant 'sweet meats,'" he said.
written by Gee Pee, 29 June 2013
Woman arrested for wearing thong bikini on beach
A Myrtle Beach, SC, woman was arrested for wearing a thong bikini. Police said, "She knew full well she was on a nude beach and had been warned twice to disrobe." She has since complied with the law.
written by Gee Pee, 27 June 2013
Couple arrested for sex in public
A Pennsylvania couple were arrested for having sex in public. Twenty-five police officers were on hand to take the culprits into custody. The female was promply subjected to a cavity search.
written by Gee Pee, 27 June 2013
For Martha, cleanliness next to godlienss
Martha Stewart admits to having threesomes but maintains that she is careful "to change the sheets" each time. "For me," she added, "cleanliness is next to godliness."
written by Gee Pee, 27 June 2013
Martha Stewart's sexual confessions
While jailed for lying to the FBI, Martha Stewart said she "got close" to her female cellmate--so close, in fact, that she now shares a bed with her during threesomes with others of either sex.
written by Gee Pee, 27 June 2013
Nut case
A Rock Island, NYC, thug has been arrested and charged with assault on an officer. During the arrest, the criminal grabbed the officer by his testicles. "What a nutjob!" the officer ejaculated.
written by Gee Pee, 27 June 2013
Transgender lingerie line launched
Fashion designer Eu Nuk has launched a new lingerie line for men who want to be women. All outfits include padded bras and a patented "penis tucker" to "swell these and quell those," Nuks says.
written by Gee Pee, 27 June 2013
Miss World Pageant bans bikinis
Stung by charges of "sexism," promoters of the Miss World Pageant have banned bikinis altogether. Contestants must parade themselves before judges "just as the good Lord made them," promoters say.
written by Gee Pee, 27 June 2013
Walmart parts company with Paula Deen
Walmart has parted ways with Paula Deen after she allegedly made racial slurs, but it continues to stock gangsta rap because, despite lyrics laced with the "N" word, it "sells big among blacks."
written by Gee Pee, 27 June 2013
American economy "booming"
According to President Obama, who's vacationing with his family in Africa, the US economy is "booming." Unemployment has dropped to an all-time low of 23% of the adult population, minorities excluded.
written by Gee Pee, 27 June 2013
Seven lost at sea
Seven Americans aboard a schooner caught in a horrific storm at sea appealed to a New Zealand meterologist for help. "How do we get out of this?" the crew asked. "Go down with the ship" was the reply.
written by Gee Pee, 27 June 2013
Showing page 11 (of 15 pages)
