1. National Front Gape open-mouthed, as though someone has just told you England has won the World Cup, and it had nothing whatsoever to do with a malign conspiracy by naughty refs. Run away as fast as you can to evade the stench of their Millwall armpits. Gasp as follows: WTF? Is that even a thing these days? 2. SWP/Spartacists/Any other miniscule gang of jackbooted Trotskyite thugs...
Radio plays an extremely loud version of 'Rule Britannia.' Party leader, Paul Golding, probably sitting in his Union Jack pyjamas on his Union Jack couch, is humming away triumphantly to his favourite tune. Former party supremo Jim Dowson walks in. Jim: Morning Paul, you're up early mate. What's the story? Paul: Couldn't sleep boss. Even though you tucked me in and told me everything woul...
ATLANTA, GA- After a long, six month research period it was discovered that conversate is not a word. This study comes from 40 year old, Geoffrey Bentine, who while in a conversation with a friend said, "Can we conversate later?" In turn his frie...
It was announced yesterday from Clarence House that HRH Charles, The Prince of Wales is to enter the private St.Twinkle's Hospital in London's Park Lane early next month to have an operation to remove his ears. Following there removal from his head...
Teenagers today have many flash-in-the-pan ideas that last a few weeks. Most of these are not impactful, at least not on the general population. However, the newest trend has people across the country groaning, cursing and refusing to leave their hom...
Metropolitan Line London- During the 17:45 Baker Street to Harrow on the Hill journey today, the passengers on the second to last carriage were treated to an intensly interesting conversation between an unamed and somewhat plain (but trying really ha...
Bored of the same tired, cliched, predictable exchanges we plough through every day to the point that you have begun wondering how many razor blades you have to gargle to make the perfect throat and face blood smoothie? No,me neither, but sometimes an alternative reply does spice things up a tad, and maybe you can even get that stiff backed waiter, bus driver, police officer, mugger etc to crack a...
A seventeen-year old woman sent shock waves through the public transport system of a major city today when she travelled from the suburbs to the centre, keeping her mobile phone in her bag for the entire journey.
(The following is a conversation between Hillary Clinton and a couple of friends when she thought that no one was recording or reporting. Unfortunately for her, in these days of cell phones and I-pods and Rodney King, everything is recorded.) Unknown: "So I hear that you won Texas barely but only because you won El Paso by over 2 to 1?" Hillary: "That was my strategy. I made a stop there...
In a taped conversation with Steve Kroft of 60 Minutes, President Bush revealed that he was born on another planet. The admission stunned everyone in the studio, including Kroft. What follows is a transcript of the ensuing conversation.
In an effort to soften his image during his last year in office, the White House is trying get President Bush in closer touch with the American people. Their first initiative is a blog.
I had never thought about ducks "doing it" until my conversation with lusty duck.
Midway into my career as a professional, something that seemed incredible, at least for a professional, struck me: Money doesn't buy happiness. Grandparents and gurus have said this through the ages. But who listened? Not me. A friend of mine said once that "People don't take this happiness stuff serious. They think it's poor conversation."...
In early November, I posted an article on dumb questions I had received at work. The following experience happened to one of my employees just a few days later. Sometimes, people do not engage their brain before speaking and say something that, if they had thought, would never have sneaked past past the lips or tongue. The conversation here, however, tends to make me believe that this b...
In a telephone conversation with a local TV reporter, God informed his loyal fans that he has had enough and is leaving town.
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