Discussion Forum

OK, here it is. Post your verse here!

The Oak Tree

O mighty oak
whose boughs bear the burden of winter's snow
why do you not weep?

O mighty oak
that stands amid the driven corn
why are you not bent?

O mighty oak
whose unseen roots encircle all
bury me in your shade.

Rabbit

I kill the milk-faced rabbit while the moon peers
Orange through the sycamores

I throw the rags of rabbit into a ditch while the moon leers
Butter-cheeked in puddle-glass

Dawn brings the world to my window; grief blears
The curtains' milky moonlit membrane

[poetry deleted for being too rubbish]

All poetry is shit.

Song of the Penguin

Drumlins are cool.
Drumlins rule.
Drumlins should be taught at school (like they are, actually).


Bishops

I love bishops, especially their hats
Even though they look like twats.

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Quote: Sir Geoffroy Cockface

[poetry deleted for being too rubbish]

All poetry is shit.

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Exactly the kind of irony we need on this thread! Keep up the good work, Cockface!

Drumlins are not little drums.

They are ovoid mounds of gravel and quite soundless.

Like musical instruments they are pleasant to look at silently.

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Quote: Erskin Quint

Song of the Penguin

Drumlins are cool.
Drumlins rule.
Drumlins should be taught at school (like they are, actually).


Bishops

I love bishops, especially their hats
Even though they look like twats.

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I think we have a Poet Laureate amongst us, if I'm judging correctly!

All of Mr Erskin Quints poems are of a very high standard, a standard I have set all by myself, I might add. I especially like the one about the bishops.

I will be posting some poems of my own soon, when I have writed them.

Here's one I write earlier:

http://www.thespoof.com/spoof-news/magazine/5593/poetry-doubts

Your Cats

To celebrate your lovely cats, let's strike a bargain:
Why don't I leave my shit around your garden?

Your cats are so insouciantly elegant and inscrutable,
And eminently shootable.

Ah, so beautiful.

I've just 'published' a poem, Erskin, which you may want to peruse.

It's currently being scrutineered to ascertain whether or not it's fit for children. Let me know your criticisms, if you have any.

http://www.thespoof.com/spoof-news/magazine/12431/so-many-ties

Hello MW.

I have perused your work and found it rather jolly. It's a neat piece of 'light verse' or 'humorous doggerel'.

I like the structure, with the 5th line of each stanza subverting the rhyme-scheme.

It could probably benefit from a bit of honing here and there, eg you could tighten up the rhythms - and you could make the 5th lines a bit stronger (you might experiment with various things such as perhaps giving all the 5th lines their own rhyme or something).

Of course, it may be that you can't be arsed with all that.

Up to you old fruit.

E Quint

Yes, that's a good idea, E Quint. I'll try that whilst working on stuff that I intend putting in my new anthology.

I hope to have it ready for the Christmas rush.


By the way, what did you hink about I Want To Be An Arab?

And my latest release I Feel Like A Bird.

I want to be an Arab is an acidic little piece which is trying to be aggressively anti-Islamic.

It is a fine piece of invective, perhaps a bit strong for the dear old Spoof, but I like it.

There is here as ever a talent at work, a power of language and energy. Again, it could be improved. I feel that using 'shite' detracts from the piece, being a lazy usage.

Poetry or verse ought to be able to stand alone and bear repeated reading. Doesn't matter in The Spoof but if you aspire beyond The Spoof you might want to work a bit more at your pieces.

I like the way you stray from strict meter, this is an excellent comic device (see Ogden Nash, I recommend him).

Of course, not all Arabs are Muslims, much less Fundamentalists. Some are Christians. This ought to be borne in mind, - lest the piece be seen as mere half-baked abuse.

There is also the angle that the piece is as much about the writer as anything....

I Feel Like a Bird, again, has the basis of something but needs work.

I like the Feel Like a Bird theme as it implies a desperation to escape and that creates a strong tension but, though there is a powerful opaqueness or even surreality to this piece, I feel the last verse is a problem because the Feel Like a Bird motif is too much at odds with the grimness.

The piece could explore in a more developed way the contrast between the Bird aspirations and the reality of the depression, eg by starting off feeling like a bird then gradually sinking down into the grim reality, - OR perhaps just using the notions of being like a bird, the freedom - which gives this piece a lot of energy - and playing in a fluctuating way with the relationship of that to the harsh reality of the everyday misery.

Or not, as you see fit.

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Quote: Erskin Quint

I want to be an Arab is an acidic little piece which is trying to be aggressively anti-Islamic.

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Not so. In my own, crappy way, I was trying to invoke the feeling of, 'what the plebs think of the 'Muzzies', but if you didn't get this, it means that I failed in my attempt.

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Quote: Erskin Quint

There is here as ever a talent at work, a power of language and energy.

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You old flatterer, you!

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Quote: Erskin Quint

I feel that using 'shite' detracts from the piece, being a lazy usage.

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Goddammit! It was just about the only word I liked in the whole poem!

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Quote: Erskin Quint

see Ogden Nash, I recommend him

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No need. I have all of his albums.

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Quote: Erskin Quint

Of course, not all Arabs are Muslims, much less Fundamentalists. Some are Christians. This ought to be borne in mind

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Consider it borne.

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Quote: Erskin Quint - lest the piece be seen as mere half-baked abuse.

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I love the word 'lest', and am grateful to you for reminding me of it.

This is exactly the kind of constructive criticism I was hoping for, and will try to learn from it over the next few minutes as I create some new poetry.

Ever your servant,

Moys

PS, the last stanza of the bird poem was meant to symbolise the end of the bird's life, and the pain it feels as it considers its role in the cosmos. Again, I feel I have come up short in my efforts.

I will try harder.

Quote: Erskin Quint

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I want to be an Arab is an acidic little piece which is trying to be aggressively anti-Islamic.




Not so. In my own, crappy way, I was trying to invoke the feeling of, 'what the plebs think of the 'Muzzies', but if you didn't get this, it means that I failed in my attempt.

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Yes, I thought of that - hence my final comment about the angle of the poem telling us as much about the commentator as the subject of the verse. Yes this could probably work best as a satire in that way.

"I will try harder"

Aye, you've got to stick at it.

Do you mean "you've got to shake a stick at it"?

That were a joke, that were.

Well, anyway, this is just a short one to tell you that I have two new poems out this week, The White Stuff, and Leave Them Alone.

I believe I am getting a 'feel' for this poetry lark now. I hope you enjoy them 'as much as you enjoyed the others'.

Tee hee.

I loved your latex, sorry, latest, offerings.

The milk one I loved most. It was concise and vivid and the structure was tight. I think a tight structure suits your verses.

The ant one was very interesting and I enjoyed it too, but - and this is just my feeling - it does go on a bit and the structure, with it being blank verse but not quite free verse, is a bit of a quandary. I would hone it a bit and maybe think about adding rhymes if I were thee. Which I am not, so there you go. One thing it does have is a creeping hysteria, which, with all the creepy crawlies in it, makes for quite a roller coaster ride, so well done for that. Interesting ideas too.

Keep it up.

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Quote: Erskin Quint

a bit of a quandary.

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That's odd, because that's exactly the genre I'd decided to name it - Quandary poetry!

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Quote: Erskin Quint

Keep it up.

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I'm going to.

The Quandary

The quandary is a very curious bird
of which few persons have even heard.
It hides in the thickest of thick dark thickets
until a person is on the stickiest of sticky wickets
and then, noisily squawking, it rushes out
and dreadful doubt
is what you feel:
for none can bring a quandary to heel.

And, try to shoo and scare it though you may,
the quandary is here to stay.

Ah, they don't make them like that anymore, do they, EQ?