Discussion Forum

This time we each do a sentence in the 'story'. I'll begin.

'That was the local force from Rottingdean', said Inspector Dirk 'Cast Iron' Alibi; 'the butler has exploded at Hump Hall and they're calling the Yard in to investigate.'

PS It's not an alphabet story - the title is misleading.

Inspector Corner, of the Yard, placed the reciever down and turned to Detective Pong, "We got to go and investigate an exploding Butler at Hump Hall in Sussex Pong.

"Where's Sussex Pong Sir?" asked the Detective.

"No Pong, not Sussex Pong, just Sussex, Pong".

"Thats what I asked Sir, where is Sussex Pong".

"Get the car out Pong, we are going to Hump Hall".

'Oh no you aren't!' cried Constable Hall, 'I'm a married man!'

'Shut up you fool' shouted Detective Pong, going off to the lavatory before the trip (if he had waited until after the trip it would have been too late).

Inspector Corner sat in the special Ford Anglia overhead camshaft pursuit vehicle, waiting. Inspector Dirk 'Cast Iron' Alibi stood by the car in the rain.

'Why can't I come too' asked Dirk 'Cast Iron' Alibi. 'You've been written out', said Corner, 'your name takes too long to type. The writers would get repetitive strain injury.'

They waited a bit more. 'Where's that Pong?' asked Inspector Corner. 'It must be the drains', said Dirk 'Cast Iron' Alibi.

Eventually Detective Pong got into the Ford Anglia. They waited a bit more.

After two hours Detective Pong said: 'what are we waiting for?'

'We haven't got a driver', said Inspector Corner.

'I can drive', said Dirk 'Cast Iron' Alibi. 'Shut up, you've been written out', cried Corner.

'I've had an idea', said Detective Pong. 'What's that?', said Corner. 'I think I'll grow a moustache', said Pong. 'It's going to be a long night', said Corner.

But eventually, three hours later, they set off. They had brought Constable Hall and Sergeant Hump with them to do the driving and the legwork.

They pulled up outside Hump Hall near Rottingdean, and were greeted by Sergeant Watt of Sussex Constabulary.

Hells teeth gentlemen!

I was looking foward to adding a salient sentence to this rather promising thread only to find you two have been chasing the barmaid's apron or something and have been penning entire spoofs in a completely reckless and indeed devil may care manner!

Now settle down chaps and abide by the rules or I'll squeam and squeam until I slather!

Yes, I quite agree. Perhaps you meant each will do a 'chapter.'

I shant be able to participate until this whole 'mystery' is straightened out.

This could be promising.

But it doesn't do what it says on the tin.

I applaud the idea, but the execution just doesn't work. I'm a proper revolutionary me, but even in revolutions, there has to be some kind of order.

In the beginning it states: Add a sentence. Trying very hard to be constructive here, but the rules are shattered before it ever gets off the ground.

It lacks discipline.

Why not try another collaboration? The writing here is probably better than it's ever been, and stuff like this is just wasted on a forum.

So just agree on a subject and do a mag series. It's worked in the past and it's sparked some good writing.

Not trying to dictate by the way - it's just a suggestion.

Kindest

Skoob

I actually think it's fine in a forum. It's collaborating. Reminds me of stories my dad and I would tell. He'd say some, pass it to me, I'd say some more.

This is how people learn....

Ellie

You tell 'im love! The blaggard's trying to occupy the moral high ground and then has the audacity to fly in the face of the strict "two choon" guidelines I stipulated right at the very inception of Spoof FM by spamming the thread to buggery with hundreds and thousands of appalling dirges by dead beat, no mark artistes such as Sinatra and Ella Fitzgerald!

Why I outta!......

Good thread though and I will try to join in at some point although with two such masters of the genre as Arm and Lynton (sounds like a department store) in full cry, I'm rather tempted to light my pipe, take a back seat and enjoy.

Lynton? Where did he come into it?

Anarchy rules OK.

It's already burgeoned out of control.

Doesn't look like it's going to work as a community thread.

Might do, if we say:

each do a splurge, whatever you want, a sentence, a paragraph, a chapter, whatever.

Wasted on a forum? Nobody reads it anyway. Might as well be on here. Also there might be more cohesion if it's all together on here.

Also it might help the forum be a more jolly, anarchic, silly, energetic, place and all that.

Just my thoughts, - let's all have a splurge

or not -

whatever anybody wants. Or not.

Maybe me and arm are the new Galton & Simpson.

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Quote: Skoob1999

This could be promising.

But it doesn't do what it says on the tin.

I applaud the idea, but the execution just doesn't work. I'm a proper revolutionary me, but even in revolutions, there has to be some kind of order.

In the beginning it states: Add a sentence. Trying very hard to be constructive here, but the rules are shattered before it ever gets off the ground.

It lacks discipline.

Why not try another collaboration? The writing here is probably better than it's ever been, and stuff like this is just wasted on a forum.

So just agree on a subject and do a mag series. It's worked in the past and it's sparked some good writing.

Not trying to dictate by the way - it's just a suggestion.

Kindest

Skoob

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Apologies. I did of course mean Arm and Erskin

Spoken like a true gentleman.

Which only goes to show that you can get away with anything if you have the gift of the gab.

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Quote: Clive Danton

Apologies. I did of course mean Arm and Erskin

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Quote: Erskin Quint

Spoken like a true gentleman.

Which only goes to show that you can get away with anything if you have the gift of the gab.

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Quote: Clive Danton

Apologies. I did of course mean Arm and Erskin

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Indeed!

They stopped the Ford Anglia overhead camshaft pursuit vehicle outside Hump Hall, before getting out.

This, they had learned, was the best way to go about it.

First they had tried to get out before stopping, only to discover that there was nobody left in the car to apply the brakes and switch the engine off and all that.

Next they tried to stop inside Hump Hall, but that upset Fiste, the agency butler who had replaced Nacker, the butler whose explosion it was that had brought them into the hall in the first place (well, it was the second place really, since in the first place they had tried to get out of the car before stopping and had fallen about all over the perfectly-gravelled drive and the car had come to a halt in the statue of Wellington).

But at last they seemed to have hit it off just right.

'Good afternoon', greeted Constable Watt, of Sussex Constabulary.

'What?' said Detective Pong. They hadn't wound down any windows or opened a door yet.

'How did you know my name?' asked Constable Watt, but the joke was lost on them, since they couldn't hear.

It was no loss really though, as Constable Watt wasn't joking in the first place.

'Welcome to Hump Hall' said Watt.

'Thanks' replied Sergeant Hump and Constable Hall.

'Don't we get a welcome?' said Inspector Corner and Detective Pong.

'What?' said Constable Watt.

Detective Pong gazed about him. 'What fascinating gargoyles', he mused.

'Don't talk like that about the servants', said Constable Watt, 'they're all on edge as it is.'

Corner looked at him. 'And you are?'

'Well spotted' said Watt.

Corner blanched. He loved almonds, and he did all his own blanching. 'Have you got measles?' he asked, kindly.

'No, I'm all right', replied Kindly, the gardener's apprentice from behind a dungheap.

Corner sighed. 'What's your name?' he asked Watt.

'That's right', asnwered Watt.

Corner looked at him. 'All right, Constable Wright, lead us to the master of the house.'

Watt stared. 'But Constable Wright is on leave at the seaside', he said. 'He's had some trouble and is having a break.'

'Littlehampton?' asked Detective Pong.

'That's a bit personal', said Watt.

'What?' said Corner.

'Yes, I'm here, what now?' asked Watt.

'It's going to be a long night' said Corner, as the front door creaked open to reveal Lord Hump in his camel hair coat and all the little Humps alongside him.

Just as Lord Hump was about to speak there was a loud explosion within the house followed by much wailing and gnashing of teeth.

'We've got the travelling dentist in' said Lord Hump. 'But what was that explosion?'

One of the housemaids came running out. 'The agency man's exploded' she cried. 'Whatever shall we do?'

Lord Hump grimaced. 'Fiste the butler!' he exclaimed.

'Oh no, Sir, I won't be doin that agin in a hurry, couldn't get me hand out last time!'

'It's going to be a long night' said Corner, listening to the song of the crow and the widgeon as they encircled the ruined West Wing.


Sorry - got carried away!

All right, I have put up what we have so far as a mag article. I hope my esteemed scriptwriting companion Mr Arm doesn't mind that I have appropriated his initial offering into it. If he does he can speak to my solicitors.

The Exploding Butler of Hump Hall, Part I


I'm about to go away for a week or so so have fun and I expect to see it still thriving when I return!

Do me best guvnor, on the rack typing this minute.
Have a nice holiday, stay away long enough for me to steal your work, theres good a chap. (Thinks! if I follow him, I will have a cheap holiday hiding in his suitcase)


Love as always

Arm xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx