Discussion Forum

How do you make sure the Vicar stops visiting at those inconvenient times?

Drape dead eels across the furniture in the sitting-room.

Worked for me.

Now, how do I get the stink out?

Cottage cheese mixed liberally with cumin works for me. But you have to make sure to rub it in, so it goes deep into the grain and the weave. And always wear a fettling helmet.

Regards

Skoob.

You could try rubbing some of my Impetigo solution cream over the area.

When I use it, I have 1000's of noses twitching at me when I go shopping.

Just a thought.

Take care

Inchy

If it's the Vicar of Mingehampton, just mention his unfortunate incidents around the back of the Church Hall. He soon scarpers with his bum glowing and ripped cassock blowing in the wind.

As to the removal of the eel stench on soft furnishings, don't bother. It smells much nicer than Febreeze. For wood and glass use Pledge. It smells gorgeous. This may also mask the eel stench, but I'm not sure.

Never ever use Febreeze because everybody will think you are a lazy bugger and just mask stenches with another stench that may well be worse than the stench you tried to mask rather than do a bit of cleaning once in a while.

Mrs. Curmudgeonly
The Old Rectory
Mingehampton

Many thanks for you swift repostes, I knew I could rely on your replies.

I knew I should be replete with replies upon which I might rely.

Now I've only got the Jehova's Witnesses to worry about. Where's me deathmask of Amy Turtle?

Second drawer down in the kitchen under the ouija board

So Erskin, you are troubled by Jehova's witnesses and their apocalyptic visions.
Cheer up mate
It's not the end of the World


Witnesses? - why hasn't the Judge called them yet?

They don't really bother me, you know, it's all an act is this.

'They had not gone far before they saw the Mock Turtle in the distance, sitting sad and lonely on a little ledge of rock, and, as they came nearer, Alice could hear him sighing as if his heart would break.

She pitied him deeply. "What is his sorrow?" she asked the Gryphon. And the Gryphon answered, very nearly in the same words as before, "It's all his fancy, that: he hasn't got no sorrow, you know. Come on!"'

And I'm only feigning sympathy so that's ok.

You should see the Dutch version, stone me!