Discussion Forum

I saw a website that had church bulletin bloopers....I'm brain dead at the moment, but you guys have fun thinking of some...

As an American lady you may not fully appreciate this one Ellie, unless of course you're an avid soccer fan with an in depth knowledge of the great Liverpool team of the 70s, but there was a famous instance where Liverpool cathedral unfurled a banner that loudly proclaimed "JESUS SAVES!" and then some "Scouse wag" (a humorous citizen of Liverpool) wrote beneath it in large letters "But Keegan knocks in the rebound!"

You needed to have been there really

There was the same Jesus saves on a wall in the City of London and again some financial wag had put 'but Moses invests'.

In fact he has been saving for so long now he must have been able to buy a stable of BMW's. Now he's saving to get the servicing done at Mr D's vehicle technology emporium.

I have no knowledge of Liverpool (other that The Beatles.) BUT, I am a fan of soccer. I used to play on a team in my younger days. That is funny!

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Quote: Clive Danton

As an American lady you may not fully appreciate this one Ellie, unless of course you're an avid soccer fan with an in depth knowledge of the great Liverpool team of the 70s, but there was a famous instance where Liverpool cathedral unfurled a banner that loudly proclaimed "JESUS SAVES!" and then some "Scouse wag" (a humorous citizen of Liverpool) wrote beneath it in large letters "But Keegan knocks in the rebound!"

You needed to have been there really

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Friedrich Nietzsche said: God is dead

God didn't say a thing until Nietzsche died, then he placed a full page advert in The News of the Vorld saying: Nietzsche is dead.

Everydeadbody laughed and Nietzsche looked a right idiot.

God laughed too, although he has always understood the gravity of a situation.

Messop on the Demdentum: Church Bulliten.

Dear All,

As you know, Mrs fangdango was buried on the 19th of last month in our cemetary. I have had a couple of complaints about the noise coming from her plot. We have not seen her husband, Osmosis, since the enternment. Could as many people as possible help us dig her up, we think he may have got in the coffin with her and fell asleep.

Bless you.

Reverend Portismould Nathertop
The Vivarage

Frampton under Mustic: Church Bulletin.


Dear Brethren,

Would the person who was braking wind during last sundays service please arrainge a hearing test with thier doctor.



Father Pat O'Noster

The Apocrypha
Frampton

"Notice to all parishioners.

We regret to inform you that there was a mistake in last week's bulletin. At the charity raffle for 300 jars of mutton-flavoured jam, the celebrity drawing the lots will be Dale Winton, and not as earlier advertised, God.

Our apologise to anyone who was confused, and especially Mrs Merkin. Our condolences go to her family.

See you in church this Sunday,

Father Jethro Cocktouch."

Danton, you cad.

Great Liverpool team my arse! They beat Malmo and Bruges in European Cup finals. And all that Jesus Saves and Keegan knocks in the rebound stuff is all bollocks. It was St John when I first heard that. A journalistic invention. Same as all the other crap. Sporting Kop? You wouldn't think that if you'd tried to fight the buggers off at Lime Street station. Another myth.

Now - go and wash your mouth out with carbolic soap for having the sheer audacity to mention the bin dippers in this esteemed publication.

And I want me pork pie hat back.

Regards

An Outraged Skoob.

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Quote: armfeetandtoe

Frampton under Mustic: Church Bulletin.


Dear Brethren,

Would the person who was braking wind during last sundays service please arrainge a hearing test with thier doctor.



Father Pat O'Noster

The Apocrypha
Frampton

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Dear Father Pat O'Noster,

It appears that the problem was that Inchcock had both hearing aid batteries run-run at the same time.

By the way, I'd appreciate the return of the collection plate when you get the chance please.

Father Ben Dover
Guinness Towers
Little Burofton

St John you say SkooB? Well surely in that case it would have been a header, after all he is reputed to be a bit useful in the air. ARF!

Hey remember The Saint And Greavsie on ITV at 1.30 on a Saturdee mate?......"It's a funny old game Saint and it's a fuuuuuny old game!"

Now then after me and on the count of three...1....2...3 UP THE 'AMMERS! COME ON YOU LUVERLEE IRONS!!!

Humplestilsk Church Bulliten.

Dear all,

We know what it is, we can smell it, We know who done it. But could you please let us know, where it is?



Bless you

Rev. Gabriel De'ath
The muntings
Humple.

Church of the Blessed Black Weeping Virgin of Southend on Sea


Father Worple apologises for the lack of flower arrangers. He cannot deflower the Virgin because he can't get up there and his stipend is too small.


Alms will be collected for amputees, at next Sunday's evensong

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Quote: Lynton

Church of the Blessed Black Weeping Virgin of Southend on Sea


Father Worple apologises for the lack of flower arrangers. He cannot deflower the Virgin because he can't get up there and his stipend is too small.


Alms will be collected for amputees, at next Sunday's evensong

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hahaha, now that's funny~!

Lesser Fontmall Church Bulliten.

Dear Brethren,

If we insist on holding our meetings in the graveyard, can we please keep noise to a minimum, and not set fire to the cross until after midnight.

Thank you

Brother Norbert
Grand Wizard
Fontmall KKK
Oxon

Dear Brethren,

To avoid contact with our female congregation when doing the "Hokey Kokey" at the annual Barn Dance, please remember not to put it in, when you should be taking it out.

Thank you

Rev. Rathbone Werks
Diddlesome