Discussion Forum

New Diseases Discovered Within the Past Six Months:


Carpool Tunnel Disease: With gas headed for $5 per gallon, the car so full you cannot turn steering wheel.

Himaroids: Body becoming as stiff as a robot. Also referred to as "Al Gore's Disease".

Standing Ovation: Advanced stage of the Clap so bad that you have the runs and cannot sit down, so you take a bowel.

(Note: I had a few before making this list while watching football. May not be funny at all later)

Recovering Economic Ebola - skints you alive.

Congestion - only just identified, but has been building in rush hour for years. Made worse by Temporary Traffic Litus, which is a rash.

Gross Obesity - the level up after morbid obesity, reached by one five people world wide so far. Expected to be fifty nine thousand cases by the end of January.

Panicdemic - the fear of a new disease emerging and killing us all.

Iain

Candida - Fungal disease of the brain of politicians resulting in telling the truth (they'd spend money on an orphan disease like that)

Himheroids - pain in the arse caused by continued nagging female

Grave's disease --Mental illness you dig a hole during a conversation and fall in it

Spoofitis - say no more

Snippetitis - Infection after circumcision

Salmonellosis - Infiltration of British government by scotsmen (Now quarantine north of the border)

Clamp - a phobia of parking the car

Dsyperia - fear of not getting enough attention

Humps - developed especially by spoofwriters typing too long

Conjunctionitis - symptoms include using too many 'if' 'ands' or 'buts'

LG

Swine Fluke: Gives shivers and fever after you find that you missed the lotto by just one lousy number

Cushing's Syndrome: sleep all day, wake at night, drink blood and howl like a banshee
(sorry about that sounds like my teenage son if you substitute beer for blood)


Parkinson's disease: compulsion to speak to strangers an ask them embarrasing stories

Alzheimer's: they told me about this but I seem to have forgotten the facts

Aids: What ex Democratic Presidents need have around to release their inner tensions

Alzheimers - Hello, do I come here often?

Ebowla: Disease that affects your throwing arm, usually causing a lot of gutter balls. Gutter Balls itself is a form of this dreaded disease.

Fart Failure: Could lead to death due to captured, unreleased gas buildup. If you think you have this, do not light up a cigarette and head for the hospital. Can affect others by sudden release. If on elevator, stop at very next floor and run for an open window.

Almost Forgot!

The Bird Flew: Usually results from being cut off in traffic!

Scarlet Beaver: Named after Scarlet O'Hara who's beaver kept getting redder as she continued to feed its fever.

Small Box: Usually can be corrected by surgery.

Scofolus Scrot: Found in the lower region.

Armpit Lumpnode: Lesbians only.

Gumsprout: Gay men only.

Bunsious offalcat: People whos names begin with "L" & "E"

Arm xxx

Swipe Flu - when you can't remember your PIN after swiping
Twine Flu - when you loose the ability to tie knots
Spine Flu - caught by cowards
Swing Flu - sometimes you're up, sometimes you're down
Swan Flu - what happens when Swine and Bird flu recombine.

Iain