Discussion Forum

The wildebeest have not arrived.

Let me explain. I had offered to put up a herd of them, if their normal habitat had been plagued by the Caravan Club.

It happened last year. This year, however, the Caravan Club has apparently descended on Hawes, in North Yorkshire.

So - no gnus is good news.

That is the end of the gnus and here is the heather forecast for the North of England and Scotland

Hawes eh sounds like a place a guy could have a good time, specially with those Bronte sisters

And the Wensleydale cheese, don't forget the Wensleydale cheese.

I love a slice on very dark fruit Christmas Cake (no glace cherries please).

And now for the Shorts Report......any shorter and they'd be a belt....ta da!

LG

Perfection: having a cup of tea and a slice of christmas cake with proper wensleydale cheese with Charlotte Bronte.

What could be better? As long as the caravan club weren't there, it'd be just splendid. Gnus dotted around the valley sides, dry stone walls, field houses. Marvellous.

Anybody got Charlotte's number?

Hawes 358 ask for Cheeky Charlie.
(from the end of february we shall be established at the bottom of the hill. We hope this way mortality among our clientelle will be greatly reduced)

Hmmm. Not sure I can trust that information Lynton.

I don't want a repeat of the Mary Shelley incident.

Pray tell more........enlighten those of us who remain in the dark.

LG

I remain in the dark, because the bill has not been paid.
However, I did have an experiece in Hawes, that must be kept a secret from the public.

I will rely on your discretion not to reveal it.
(Pulls pin from grenade and waits for explosion)



Love as always

Arm xxxx

Arm....my dog...it would be so dull around here without you sweetheart

LG x x x

Let's just say "Mary Shelley" chainsmoked Benson & Hedges, had a Yorkshire accent, and was partial to glue.

She'd never heard of Lord Byron.

Mind you, she did bang like a shithouse door in a gale.

(I threw the last bit in in an effort to appeal to all sections of the Spoof populace)

Ah.....that Mary Shelly.

I remember her, if not fondly, then at least well.

She taught me many things...

Reverse Cowboy
The dosage for antibiotics
How to start a car without a key

Lovely lass.

Iain

Aye, that'll be her.

Mary Shelly! dont mention that sluts name to me!
Oh the scabs! Oh the injections! Oh the clinic.
I didnt mean to give her the clap, I only meant to applause.

Arm xxxx


Lady G, I love you, that is why I do it.


Arm xxxxx

I'm not sure if they are talking about Lady G or Mary Shelly but then I was just doing the windows.

Hello Doc

I think they meann Mary Shelley - the author of 'The Modern Day Promethius' aka Fuckinswine.

I believe the toff lady kept dubious company, like that Byron chappy.

Whatever, I don't care, but what I truly can't ever forgive is when the people at Universal Pictures made that Fuckinswine movie with Doris Karloff.

Gave me childhood nightmares for years, that did. Doris with her big clunky platform shoes and the bolt in her neck. (Good job she wasn't much of a looker, but it was brave of Doris to play a lesbian reanimated corpse opposite Elsa Lanchester in The Bride Of Fuckinswine.)

And them I saw Elton John on the telly singing Pinball Wizard out of Tommy.

It just reawakened it all. I'm still scarred, to this day. Or should that be 'scared' - it's them big clunky shoes.

They terrify me.

Hiding behind the sofa

Skoob

It's called Benny and the Jets syndrome Skoob