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What the fuck did you buy me that for?!

I'm having an affair with your sister.

Are you sure your mother can cook?



Got any more?

Arm xxx

Never EVER use the word ALRIGHT in a description of anything

Who the hell is Jesus?

I wanted the 'blue' one

Did you keep the receipt?

Bah! Humbug!

LG

Couples of quotes from Christmas past, when I used drink.

"Why is your mum here, she should be filming the Christmas special of 'Keeping Up Appearances'" ~ 2003, wife #1

"Remind me again why I married you and not your sister, she's not so much of a bitch" ~ 2007 wife #2

There are others (from 'Merry' Christmas's with wife #2, but we won't go there.)

I really can't think why I have two failed marriages.............!

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Quote: birbee

Couples of quotes from Christmas past, when I used drink.

"Why is your mum here, she should be filming the Christmas special of 'Keeping Up Appearances'" ~ 2003, wife #1

"Remind me again why I married you and not your sister, she's not so much of a bitch" ~ 2007 wife #2

There are others (from 'Merry' Christmas's with wife #2, but we won't go there.)

I really can't think why I have two failed marriages.............!

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Birb: may not be that bad....did you ever figure out how many miles per
pint you got out of 'em?

4 years is pretty good...the warranty's gone by, the body's got dings and scratches, and they sure as shit need a tune up...and there's nothing
quite like that 'new car smell'.........try a lease next time......

drop 'em off, step into a new one and drive away.....

...but I think you knew that....

Sterling Morse

Birbee

If you were Mormon you could have more than one wife at at time.

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Quote: birbee

Couples of quotes from Christmas past, when I used drink.

"Why is your mum here, she should be filming the Christmas special of 'Keeping Up Appearances'" ~ 2003, wife #1

"Remind me again why I married you and not your sister, she's not so much of a bitch" ~ 2007 wife #2

There are others (from 'Merry' Christmas's with wife #2, but we won't go there.)

I really can't think why I have two failed marriages.............!

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If you were the Osmonds you could have more than one pair of teeth at a time.

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Quote: victor nicholas

Birbee

If you were Mormon you could have more than one wife at at time.

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Now there is a good reason not to be a Mormon.

Why on Earth would you want two at any one time.............?

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Quote: birbee

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Quote: victor nicholas

Birbee

If you were Mormon you could have more than one wife at at time.

---

Now there is a good reason not to be a Mormon.

Why on Earth would you want two at any one time.............?

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....JUST SAYIN'...IN CASE YOU CONSIDERED BEING CONJOINED.....

42 years married guys. I'm a 'mental masochist'.

What happened to the thread?...ok....

Merry Christmas. Are we STILL married?

Merry Christmas. I'm moving out.

Merry Christmas. What's this? Divorce Papers?


Merry Christmas. I was only joking when I said 'Till Death Do Us Part.

We're ok though. Honest!

LG

"Merry Christmas dear! I've bought you a 'sense of humour'"

LG

Happy Easter.

Some ungrateful little brats start tactlessness early

see this little bastard

Daughter, aged 6: "It's OK Mummy, I know Father Christmas isn't real."

Mother: "OK, well it's a nice story isn't it? And we can still leave a mince pie out like we always do.."

Daughter (bursting into tears): "I was only testing!"


My daughter is now grown up and studying Psychology at University - but when she's home at Christmas we still leave a mince pie out.

Happy Christmas
Roy

Santa Claus is dead. That was what all that screaming in the chimney was about after you lit the yule logs this morning.


Fruitcake for everyone this year!

"Hey, what happened to the lights?"
Has anyone seen Fluffy?"
"Last time I saw her she was playing mouse with the light cord"
"Fluuuuffffyyyyyy!"
"Dad, next year can I have a puppy for Christmas?"

I always wanted to see the show where all four wives got mad at him at the same time.

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Quote: birbee

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Quote: victor nicholas

Birbee

If you were Mormon you could have more than one wife at at time.

---

Now there is a good reason not to be a Mormon.

Why on Earth would you want two at any one time.............?

---