Discussion Forum

Boil it until it's Bill Withers.


Boom Boom.

Right, my esteemed colleagues, any of you know any good (clean!!) jokes? I got a shindig coming up and need some good family friendly ones!

Nick

A man who was away on a business trip phoned home one day to check on his wife. The housemaid answered and said that to her regret, his wife was currently in bed with the milkman.
Furious, the man asked the maid to fetch a shotgun and to kill the wife and the milkman. A few minutes later, he heard two bangs, followed by a splash.
"What was the splashing sound?" the man asked.
"I just threw the bodies into the swimming pool," she replied.
"Swimming pool?" he replied. "Oh sorry, wrong number!"

Two fish in a tank, one turns to the other and asks: "Do you know how to drive this thing?"

Two snowmen in a field, one turns to the other and asks: "Can you smell carrots?"

What goes miaow miaow glug? A cat in a bag.

What do you throw a lawyer in quicksand? Another lawyer.

Q: What's brown and sticky?
A: A stick
Q: What's green and sticky?
A: A frog in a blender
Q: What's red and sticky?
A: A porno mag

Ok...maybe not the last one.

Iain

This is long, but the punchline is priceless:

In a small Lithuanian (any country will do) town, a pregnant woman was due any moment to give birth to fraternal twins, a boy and a girl. Her husband worked in construction.

One day, she realized the twins were ready to be born and she called her husband's employer who told her that at that very moment her husband was being rushed to the hospital. He had suffered a bad fall at work and was knocked unconscious.

The woman was rushed to the hospital and gave birth to the twins. In this country, it was a law that immediately upon being born, the father had to name the children; however, since he was still unconscious, any male member of the husband's family could step in to do it. The man's brother was asked to name the children.

Upon learning that her brother-in-law had been asked to name the children, the woman became panicked. "Oh no," she said, "he is such a practical joker. I'm afraid to ask what he named them."

"Well," the nurse said, "he didn't do so bad."

"He named your little girl Denice."

"Oh, you're right," said the mother. "That's a lovely name."

"What did he name my little boy?"

The nurse replied, "De-Nephew."


boom-boom

Charpa

Thanks for the laughs! I've almost just chocked. Only eleven students have arrived in my class....SNOW SNOW and more SNOW. Hang on...here comes another bus

It's gonna be a looooooooooooong day !

Lady G.

Edit later...I meant 'choked' of course...

How do you get a one-armed man out of a tree?

Wave to him.

Two cannibals eating a clown. One says to the other, "Does this taste funny to you?"

Two parrots sitting on a perch. One says to the other, "Can you smell fish?"

What's yellow and smells of green paint?
Yellow paint...............

The perch one took me a few seconds to get....which is pathetic as I live in Port Dover, Ontario...which is FAMOUS for its fresh perch (fishing 'village')...Crikey, I AM losing it....if anyone finds it....please return it to me.

Ta very much!

LG