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That's the title of just one of the many emails I have recently received. Body text as follows:

"Whence you to eat up what. When their wives and got upon. Short the outside with anything else
Truly if with gold and under colour. However they got the lower parts thereof
http://migre.me/2FINt
Going on earth at least. Better and knowledge in matters of course"

I'm glad they're keeping me in the loop.

Erskin

It might be a personal message from that Russian spammer in Wisconsin.

Have you tried sending him 3.2 billion messages a day in response?

Many thanks Victor.

I'm trying to follow your advice.

I've sent 7 messages so far but it's hard thinking up titles and body text.

My latest is:

Title: "My Wi;fe 9*7Sus@penders Nude In Walrus, Idaho."

Body: "Please to upskirt. Splayed in spank miniature okapi. Fire. Lusts school pinnacle hard. Panties were overture the soiled Vicar. Mrs Carbuncle in bath, opened."

Not sure I can get to 3.2 billion but game to try.

Erskin

I think you are onto something.

Spamese, a new lingua franca like Esperanto but meant to bewilder and waste time rather than communicate.

Have you tried the Chinglish translator?

Oh yes, I think we have discovered something.

In the future all will speak spam.

We're halfway there now.

Oh yes.

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Quote: victor nicholas

Erskin

I think you are onto something.

Spamese, a new lingua franca like Esperanto but meant to bewilder and waste time rather than communicate.

Have you tried the Chinglish translator?

---

Dear erskine: whilst I appreciate your stalwart writing efforts
I'm afraid I had to over rule you on these stories you approved just this morning .

please do attempt to access your writer's desk until further notice!

MARK

Editor in Chief

Eskin

Do you mean we are half-way there to speaking in puerile adolescent abbreviations?

How the hell did Mark get onto Morse's writer's desk to do that. (insert question mark....No not YOU Mark, although I AM axing a qwestion...)

Something is amiss here and it's not me coz I am a Mrs.

Lady G.

Victor, cors we do. Innit obvyous u can c where this will lead. Car 4 sale.....etc C U L8r


LG

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Quote: Lady Godiva

How the hell did Mark get onto Morse's writer's desk to do that. (insert question mark....No not YOU Mark, although I AM axing a qwestion...)

Something is amiss here and it's not me coz I am a Mrs.

Lady G.

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...EZ...he needed an alter ego to handle his Colony Accounts!

...back to your desk woman.......

Mark/Morse

Your wish is my command oh Great One. Or something like that!

LG

Nay, Victor, for surely spamese is a far more fruitful lingua franca for our cyberspatial consciousness. It has the sting of poesy about it, and the stamp of the human spirit anointeth its proud breast.

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Quote: victor nicholas

Eskin

Do you mean we are half-way there to speaking in puerile adolescent abbreviations?

---

Scarlet [Ptoile&t brush Upskirt Shots Bent Chorusline Madam:l Licks

Dear Robot (^&^tyr%4)* when crepuscule velvet and out67%%'

Protocols at dawn; Henry loves coalfingers true is at where. Strange breasts of wild lovely rubber. Tiny, he his as on at. Hard where the hat where at nobody knows the heart of inhuman milkness. Nude on cardboard. Praline has of been another Piltdown. Abraded groins.

Sure, Kenneth Brannaugh could pull this off while striding the boards.

Erskin! Get a grip man! I'll mail you some of my pills if you want.....just PM me your mailing address.

LG

Huh?

Don't you get these emails?

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Quote: Lady Godiva

Erskin! Get a grip man! I'll mail you some of my pills if you want.....just PM me your mailing address.

LG

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You need this guy to help produce a poster to find your missing dog:

27bslash6

He's a very good designer.

Just don't annoy him, he's quite temperamental.

Iain

Thanks for that link Iain.

That really is hilarious.

I emailed the writer to let him know how much I enjoyed it.

Isn't that nice?

Regards

Skoob.

That's marvellous, I have saved that as a favourite, lots of great things to read.

I don't think the emails I get are about that kind of dog though.

Lest we moron the lesser thigh. Avast behind. Queen dogs are the honey of a not sabre. Montgolfier to the thrusting pineboys. Sins and hot the chocolate privates. Un up the silted earthwiper.

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Quote: Lady Godiva

Erskin! Get a grip man! I'll mail you some of my pills if you want.....just PM me your mailing address.

LG

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LOve this thread. Should start another just for ridiculous SPAM text that gets added to e-mail that floods our in boxes. I get it. I'm 50. Every online pharmacy in the world thinks I need Viagra. Now fuch off.

Actual text from a SPAM mail below:

away with growing irritation, for the news of him as a wise man had
She jumped up, and brushed past him into the window.
making a secret religion, in order to preserve the veneration of the
but it is said that, after the death of Mrs. Allan, he no longer
sheee olenl him. An wuho binpes toarsmnd I payed infhresei by w
place Richard found himself, to his delight, on the
great measure, from passion and feeling to thought. Standing
Between these are deep valleys, with small streams winding
and conveniences of life, till they were instructed by ideal
It is nearly four weeks since my wife left me, and I have not yet
It is beyond the scope of this piece to give anything like a

---

Quote: P.M. Wortham

LOve this thread. Should start another just for ridiculous SPAM text that gets added to e-mail that floods our in boxes. I get it. I'm 50. Every online pharmacy in the world thinks I need Viagra. Now fuch off.

Actual text from a SPAM mail below:

away with growing irritation, for the news of him as a wise man had
She jumped up, and brushed past him into the window.
making a secret religion, in order to preserve the veneration of the
but it is said that, after the death of Mrs. Allan, he no longer
sheee olenl him. An wuho binpes toarsmnd I payed infhresei by w
place Richard found himself, to his delight, on the
great measure, from passion and feeling to thought. Standing
Between these are deep valleys, with small streams winding
and conveniences of life, till they were instructed by ideal
It is nearly four weeks since my wife left me, and I have not yet
It is beyond the scope of this piece to give anything like a

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,,,hey, I just rated that story to help Mark out.....!!!!

It's great is this spamese stuff. It's like James Joyce written by a mechanical idiot. A malicious mechanical idiot.

Here's the genuine article:

"jameymock farceson in Shemish like a mouther of the incas with a garcielasso huw Ananymus pinched her tights and about the Balt with the markshaire parawag and his loyal divorces, when he feraxiously shed ovas in Alemaney, tse tse, all the tell of the tud with the bourighevisien backclack, and him, the cribibber like an ambitrickster, aspiring like the decan's, fast aslooped in the in-trance to his polthronechair with his sixth finger between his cats-eye and the index, making his pillgrimace of Childe Horrid, en-grossing to his ganderpan what the idioglossary he invented under hicks hyssop! Hock! Ickick gav him that toock, imitator! And it was entirely theck latter to blame."