Discussion Forum

Victor Nicholas invited me to give a little take on Wales, so here goes nothing!

Ladies and gentlemen. Imagine a land where you don't need to Google mountains to get pictures: you can catch a bus and be knee deep in cow shit in no time. A land where people enjoy singing, and yet nobody can sing. A land with a long name which basically describes the town.

This is Wales.

It's a popular misconception that the Welsh are sheepshaggers. This is a blatant lie: it is the sheep who shag us. Nobody here can play the harp: especially on the little island of Anglesey which is kind of detached from Wales: that's only because of the webbed fingers problem.

It seems the Welsh are so fond of sheep that we like to eat their young with mint sauce. Everyone likes a bit of Welsh lamb, but Farmer Evans likes it best.

Speaking of Farmer Evans, nearly everyone in Wales shares the same surnames of Jones, Evans, Davies or Williams. This would be accompanied by their occupation, example Jones the Butcher; Davies the arsonist or Evans the paedo.

We're more than Tom Jones. We have Katherine Jenkins! Everyone would duet with her any time!

Finally, there's a North/South divide. The "inhabited" North, which is where I'm writing from, is more pretty but less talked about in the news. Cardiff and Swansea take up the entire Welsh broadcasts.

We even have a channel for those of you interested. A Welsh soap airs every thirty minutes at m sharp called People of the Valley (Pobol Y Cwm). It's like Corrie, but filled with old people who once did sheep instead of drugs. It's a sad world.

Hope this helps Doc! See you in the clinic!

MC.

Thanks MC, love this kind of stuff.

I work with a fellow from Wales, a prince among men.

Young masterchev is right.

The scenery in north Wales is stunning, truly beautiful, breathtaking, awe inspiring. It really is.

Just one drawback - if you're driving, use a sat-nav.

Unless you can read a place name with seventeen consonants and one vowel in it.

Like:

Cwmbrryggdonnachshitecwmarse

Failing that, you could always develop into an Everton fan

Cheers MC

Made me smile that.

Skoob - son of Taffy Jones the spoof writer with the handcuffs.

I appear in an episode of Pobol Y Cwm.

I was using an ATM while they were filming it.

I asked what they were filming (after they'd stopped naturally, I wouldn't want them to have to reshoot, and thus be taken out of the scene).

"It's pebbly cum" I was told. "It's on S4C."

"Super," says I, "I don't get that channel."

I hope they got my photogenic side. They probably didn't, as I was upright at the time.

I like Wales, despite it being the only place in the world I have ever been done for speeding by doing 50 in a 60 zone.

Q: How do you make Anglesey go?
A: You Prestatyn.

The Welsh have several Swedish Pop-Group tribute acts: Abbafan, Abbagaveny and Abberistwith.

Iain

When I was a lad, the TV reception went haywire in summer, we used to get buzzing and lines all over the screen. Sometimes we used to get this Welsh Channel coming through. Don't know why.

According to R S Thomas:

To live in Wales is to be conscious
At dusk of the spilled blood
That went into the making of the wild sky,
Dyeing the immaculate rivers
In all their courses.
It is to be aware,
Above the noisy tractor
And hum of the machine
Of strife in the strung woods,
Vibrant with sped arrows.
You cannot live in the present,
At least not in Wales.
There is the language for instance,
The soft consonants
Strange to the ear.
There are cries in the dark at night
As owls answer the moon,
And thick ambush of shadows,
Hushed at the fields' corners.
There is no present in Wales,
And no future;
There is only the past,
Brittle with relics,
Wind-bitten towers and castles
With sham ghosts;
Mouldering quarries and mines;
And an impotent people,
Sick with inbreeding,
Worrying the carcase of an old song.

But he is a miserable get after all.

Aah Wales sigh! Never been there yet. I did upset a Welsh lass once when a group of us Brits first came to Canada. I heard her speak and said "Oh! You are English too!" The woman fair jumped down my throat.

How come us English folk don't get upset like that when we are mistaken for Australians, Irish or Scottish folk (but no-one every mistakes us for Welsh folk!!????)

She turned out to be hilarious. I enjoyed her company..then a few years back she left her Welsh husband and went back to UK to set up home with a Scottish fella she'd met 'online'.

Memories....

Lady G.

Totally agree guys! Although the Aberystwyth joke was a bit much (considering I hope to be getting my degree from there...)

It could be worse.

You could be from Manchester and mistaken for a Scouser by the ill informed.

Fucking terrible that.

Ooh! Nightmares!

Skoob

lesson here guys. Wales is awesome. Wills and Kate are moving here.

Must've been this thread. Congrats to all.

Isn't this interesting - can you say it was intentional boyo?

(Pobol Y Cwm). It's like Corrie, but filled with old people who once did sheep instead of drugs

did you now that Cwm ( as in glacial lake on a mountain) is called a Corrie elsewhere? Equally in erskine's neck of the woods it is a Tarn and in France I believe it is called a cirque.

How bout that then!

PS

I can lend you a few vowels if you want

The American writers can give you THOUSANDS OF U's coz they rarely use them

We're living in a season they named 'fall' coz they can't bloody spell 'autumn'....it's the 2 'u's and the silent 'n' that confuse them.


Lady G.