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So, Baroness Fields is out at some works do this e'en, listening to a talk by award-winnin scribe Howard Jacobson (we should all be so lucky).

She's left me a two-bean chili to warm through (it has more than two beans in it - the name means it has two types on bean in it). If, like me, you're fond of a nice, spicy chili, you'll understand my anticipation.

I've got enough Vera for a couple of n'limes for pre-prandials and a bottle of plonk to wash down the Texican plateful.

But I cannot think of what mischief up to which I can get!

Any thoughts?

Buy a case of Merlot and pay CJ a surprise visit.

Or give him a bell and watch the football down the pub together.

It's either that my good man, or the two of you nip off to Spearmint Rhino for a spot of the old canoodling tom-foolery.

Happy to help

Skoob.

You can't get the Colonel out after dark, Skoob!!!

He's strapped down by the wimmin and fed plonk intravenously.

But thanks for the advice. Much appreciated.

Happy to help

Skoob.