Discussion Forum

I once promised the wife I'd cook her anything she wanted. Some special occasion or other. I'm not a chef, but I'm okay.

She said she'd have honey glazed duck. Fair enough, says I. Your wish is my command. Found the recipe, bought the duck, set about cooking it.

What she didn't tell me was that I'd have to sit by the oven, basting the fucking quacker every ten minutes, or it would have burnt. I pulled it off in the end - the duck was lovely.

But she was really taking the piss.

Anybody else got fond memories of ducks - apart from feeding the bastards on the park lake?

Regards

Skoob.

A word from our sponsor:

The Duck

Behold the duck.
It does not cluck.
A cluck it lacks.
It quacks.
It is specially fond
Of a puddle or pond.
When it dines or sups,
It bottoms ups.

Ogden Nash

Did you remember to pluck it first me old nutmeg crusher?

I was living in Hove, and had this idea I could save money by cooking chinese myself.

Got the duck, pancakes and cherry sauce.
Stabbed the shit out of the duck, shoved it in the oven and went to the pub. six hours later, pissed as a newt, with ten people in tow, I served the duck.

It was pure fukin charcoal! not a bit of meat left.
However, the pissed up party shoved hot pancakes and cherry sauce down thier gullets and in the morning, the duck had gone. Still havent found it!

Love

Arm

Where I used to live the road ran next to the river. There were these ducks that lived on the river, and often waddled across the busy road.

One day this duck got hit by a car. The car sped off, leaving the duck in the midst of the road, a mere bundle of feathers. A dead duck, or so I thought.

But no. There was life in the old duck yet. After a minute or two it lifted its head, looked about it, dazed, bewildered, bedraggled. Cars drove by. It got to its feet, waddled uncertainly, then took off, and somehow it managed to fly away from the road, down to the river.

There it sat for a minute, no doubt gathering its thoughts. But it was not to be permitted to rest for long. Oh no. In no time at all this bloody big drake swooped down and landed on our poor heroine, almost pushing it underwater, almost drowning it, and began to shag the arse off it.

No rest for the wicked.

My mother said duck is the most important thing you can do when passing under a low bridge.

It's also a handy word to fit into a rhyme for children when you accidentally used the word truck.

And it tastes lovely with a pancake and hoisin sauce.

Iain

Thanks for the memory.

Years ago, on one of my parents visits, many moons ago, we visited Simcoe, a little town 13 km away from Port Dover, where we live....and my mam, bless her little cotton socks, took lots of photos of the ducks on the grass.

When she had her photos developed, before returning to England, I had a chuckle at the photies of the ducks. Mam asked me why I was so amused.

Crikey...they could have been English ducks on English grass. They weren't wearing Canadiad flags.

Mam saw the humour in this and we had a good laugh.

Two weeks ago, whilst driving to work through St. Williams Forestry area, speed limit 60 km.per.hr. I saw ahead of me a couple of adult ducks waddling across the road, SLOWLY with their eight little ducklings following them, SLOWLY.

I slowed down and ended up having to stop COMPLETELY. The cars behind me probably were wondering what the crazy ENGLISH DRIVER was doing.

How did they KNOW I was English you may be asking........well maybe the GB sticker, and the Union Jack, plus the English 3 lions stickers on my bumper, could have been a clue, don't you think?

Anyway, I stopped until the Duck Family were safely across the road.

I'm assuming the driver behind me saw the ducks, eventually.

Hell - I didn't care, I just didn't want to frightened them all by driving past them before they were safely on the side of the road they were waddling to.


Aww! See...I TOLD you I'm a very caring person. I could have put my foot on the gas pedal and wiped out the two adults, saving me from buying 'meat' that week.

No...that's not ME! But it IS a true story.

LG...very caring, I applaud you.

I was stuck behind a family of fucks walking along the road.

Me? I'd have flattened them, but people were watching, and it takes ages to clear those little fluffy yellow ones out of your brakes.

Iain

P.S. Whoever designed the QWERTY keyboard, didn't think of the word duck when putting 'f' next to 'd'.

I agree, they do take some 'cleaning up' if you hit one.
I found a little yellow & black feathered furry friend sticking out of the hood/bonnet of my little car. I was too squeamish to take it out. I thought it was stuck in the headlight you see.

When I told my husband, thinking he would rush out and do a goodly deed, he just said,

"Oh that! It's been there for 4 days." Then he carried on with what he was doing.

It wasn't until 3 days later that the clump of feathers (for that's all it was by then) was removed by our friendly school custodian. I'd left my lights on all day! Killed the battery and had asked Rob to 'jump start my engine'. (No! Don't any of you buggers dare comment on that last phrase or I'll be 'aving yer guts fer garters'.)

I mentioned the dead bird, in passing, as I knew he'd eventually notice. Rob didn't bat an eyelid as he picked up the clump of feather twixt finger and thumb and flung them a few feet across the grass.

My hero!

OK so it wasn't a duck...but it was a bird!

Lady G.

As far as the 'keyboard design' goes, we had a customer in the Bank I once worked in, he was called Mr. Whitehouse. I 'touchtype' and accidentally hit the S instead of the W one time. Luckily someone spotted my error before his statement was sent out....

Technically I know this isnt't duck related, thus while we are on the subject of poultry or cooked duck. Can I say that I absolutely detest those diseased grey pigeons that infest our city's. It's not enough that the council won't agree to poison them anymore, some people even feed them, which encourages breeding and even more.

Cameron can raise vat by 20% and make life harder for people who desperately need their current benefits to live, though will he do something about the diseased pigeons infesting town centres !

And the bloody teenagers who lunch in town centres and leave their bloody garbage/rubbish all over the place when they are sitting right next to a bleeding bin.

Ooh! Don't get me going.......

I'd rather have the pigeons!

Skoob, far be it from me to add a 'cook' story to yours, but yes, Duck used to be one of my classic dinners prepared in my batchelor days from a recipe i learned at my Grandmother's elbow in the kitchen.

"prick the duck" (easy Frankie), stuff cavity with apples, raisins, sugar and cracker meal after dusting cavity with salt.

Put in oven at 425 for about 30 minutes...then down to 350 till done.
We only basted occationally, but did drain roaster at least once because of excessive grease.

Gravy: boil up gizzards, discard except for heart and liver....mix some pan drippings, with some of broth and stir in some flour and gravy master for coloring......Wow.....instant sex.....

Shot a big goose once, hung em up to season, cooked....turned out shit...never again...now the bastards are all over the golf course....

PS: used to cook 2 ducks. Saved the second and split him, then simply popped in micro to reheat....just as good if he came out of the oven....!

The Frugal Gourmet, just not in a gay way.

Morse.

I must try that recipe. I cooked a goose once...never again...I'd never seen so much 'grease' or whatever it's called.

We had deep fried 'wild turkey' last fall/autumn. Shot by one of Ken's friends (legally). Deep fried in a special deep-frier, outdoors, for only 45 minutes.

It was gorgeous!

I had a tin of mock duck once. Really.

I've uploaded some new duck avatars, if anyone would care to take a gander.

No goose avatars yet, sorry.

Find any mock ducks?

Here in France I buy myself a packet of Rennies (for subsequent heartburn) and then can be sure to enjoy Confit de Canard along with a Cassoulet Toulousain. Together with a wine such as Fitou also from the SW - a real treat.

Lynton, STOP SHOWING OFF!

Ca, ce n'est pas drole. Peut-etre tu es-t un homme qui veux Dancer avec L'etoiles sur la television ou peut-etre tu veux 'stick it' aux autres hommes ici.

(Stick in the accents...I don't want to bugger up my keyboard looking for them.)

Qu'est ce que tu veux dire maintentant mon ami de La SPOOF.

(Ou Le SPOOF!)

J'aime les canards.


For those readers who don't speak French I was just saying how much I admire you all and that Lynton 'rocks'.

Bien ma petite equestrienne nue!

Le probleme ici est que les mets anglais comme les haricots en sauce de tomate coute plus cher que les produits francais.

Un certain ambiguite dans votre parole me rend confus - 'stick it'? dans quelle sens? Dancer avec les etoiles?

Moi - je suis tres ordinaire sauf que je suis destine habiter hors de ma culture - pas de tout des pretentions stellaires - je racconte une quotidienne. J'ecris ce que j'ecris parce j'aime bien jazer et il y a nulle part ailleurs ecrire ce que j'ecris. Il n y a pas de rencherissement, pas d'ostentation ni orgeuille, que de conversation.

Tabernacle! Peut-etre il faut mieux que je me taise et retourner aux profondeurs ou je me trouvais avant decouvrir le spoof?

Comme j'ai dit ailleurs aujourd'hui, les gens ne sont rarements comme on peut les croire.

Cordialement

Oui, ca c'est vrais mais pourquois utililiser le mot Tabernacle? Ca - ce n'est pas un mot d'un homme gentil a dire a une petit chou comme moi.

OK j'aime les haricots aux sauce tomates aussi, mais ils ne sont pas (j'ai oublie le mot) chere ici en Canada.

69 cents ou 35p.

Je ne comprends pas le mot 'profondeur'. Je m'excuse.

OK, back to anglais because...well ....the others will be thinking we are having a 'triste'.

Lady G. A bientot mon ami

unfortunate ironic spelling of tryst

I realized AFTER I'd posted.

triste =

You posted before I could edit.

Mind you...I agree...it's rather ironic. Freudian slip???

---

Quote: Lady Godiva

I must try that recipe. I cooked a goose once...never again...I'd never seen so much 'grease' or whatever it's called.

We had deep fried 'wild turkey' last fall/autumn. Shot by one of Ken's friends (legally). Deep fried in a special deep-frier, outdoors, for only 45 minutes.

It was gorgeous!

---

That stuffing works great with chicken...used to put 2 strips of bacon on breast during cooking....nice!


try a 'beer can chicken on the barbie'...place an open can of your favorite brew inside the cavity, stand em up and let her cook......

for a side snack, take a big vidalia onion, core out a little of the middle, insert butter than a bulllion cube, then more butter....micro.....hmmmm, hmmmm

how bout some beef roulade...pounded flank steak (back off Frankie), rolled up with chopped dill pickle, onion, slices of good thick bacon diced and dijon mustard....in pot with 4 cans beef stock (consommee)....cook till tender...

add bit of flour to some red wine for a roue...add and stir to thicken...serve with broad noodles, red cabbage and some nice chilled white German wine...

I won't go into Pinkle Wurst....it's an acquired taste from Bremen....you'd really have to have grown up with it....it's kinda like haggis from the description I read about the Scottish dish....better be below freezing to enjoy it though...

The Frugal Gourmet (but not very gay)

If anybody gets really horny, I can tell you about my completley deboned squabs stuffed and then quartered and served...I tell people it's a new breed of bird raised without bones.....


hmmm, hmmmm, Morsel!

Press number 5 on the speed dial, wait 45 mins et voila!

Chinese canard de ding.

It might be "Canard du ding"

Maybe even "Ding du canard"