Discussion Forum

There are conspiracy theories and theorists everywhere. Some of these theories are ridiculous. Others may have some basis in reality.

Perhaps the most fascinating are the theories surrounding John F. Kennedy's assassination. Or, maybe I just wanted to use a word that has the word "ass" in it twice.

At any rate, I'll go first.

I have no use for pennies. I never use them because I always seem to forget to bring a pocketful of them to distribute while pursuing my capitalist affairs. Then, just like the last time, the first transaction I'm involved in ends with a 6, and there go 4 more damn pennies. Dammit.

So, like many other people I've known over the years, I keep a collection of pennies. It can become quite large over the course of several months, despite my frequent attempts to remember to use them.

Well, I haven't had a bank account for several years now where they had a change counting machine at the bank. Now, I generally have to go to a Coinstar machine, but that costs something like 8.75% of the change.

Who owns these "Coinstar" machines anyway? The banks? Is that why they don't have these machines at banks? Would they rather collect a percentage than offer a free service? Because it would look bad for a bank to charge you just to count your change.

And they don't trust us to cash in rolled change, because people do clever things like put other stuff besides money in the rolls.

So, are bankers penalizing us for using change? Or is this a slippery-sloped conspiracy to phase out physical money? Are we going to receive paychecks someday by simply swiping our index fingers - which contain tiny chips with all the rest of our information - across a laser scanner?

And what happens if you cut your finger off in a horrible chainsaw accident? What if it gets caught in a thresher? Or a steam presser? What if it's bitten off by a shark? Worse yet, what if biting other people's fingers off becomes the new form of identity theft?

I think we're definitely headed for trouble here.

I think you're being paranoid.

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Quote: Farida Benamar

I think you're being paranoid.

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Well, you'd be paranoid too if you started a new forum thread at a satire web site well known for multiple-identitied writers and some guy you never heard of popped out of nowhere and made a comment.

I think I must be paranoid.

Every time I look in a mirror there's this weird looking bloke looking back out at me.

Iain

Every time I look in the mirror, there I am looking in the mirror. It's a cycle I can't break.

Maybe that's what got Dracula going.

EQ

I was thrown off an forum once for accusing one of the more unplesant power hungry mods of being in an lesbian conspiracy love affair with someone I was arguing with.

My credit union very happily cashes in coins for me when my penny jar gets full.

Usually, though, I've spent the pennies before it gets to that point. When cash is tight right before payday, I just bring a bagful with me and use them in the self-checkout at the grocery store when it's slow. Nobody waiting in line behind me to get pissed while the cashier counts out four or five dollars in pennies.

The real con$piracy is that your bank said, Hey, why the hell are we doing something for free that we could be charging a fee to do? Pretty soon they'll be charging you a fee to use their pen if you didn't bring one of your own.

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Quote: Erskin Quint

Every time I look in the mirror, there I am looking in the mirror. It's a cycle I can't break.

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The same thing happens to me.

After much self-reflection, I've decided I'm narcissistic.