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Forum Home / General Discussion / Serves the silly vowel-stealing gits right
[This topic is LOCKED]
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Lynton
Writer |
Not a spoof but sweet oh so sweet
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1259745/Welsh-road-sign-error-Swansea-Councils-office-email-reply-ends-road-sign.html I don't know what they'd ever done to him by my old dad used to say 'shoot a welshman before he turns bad' No offense meant of course. |
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Erskin Quint
Opium-eater Registered: 15 Oct 07 Forum Profile Writer's Profile |
Of course, they also turn bad after you've shot the blighters. Attract the flies you know. Lord Elmbottle of Thrusting once shot a Welshman who was hiding near the folly. They have a splendid folly at Elmbottle Hall. It's a "famine folly", akin to those constructed in Ireland to provide work for the famished potato farmers. It consists of a road in the middle of the park, with no practical purpose at all, leading from nowhere to nowhere. A previous Lord Elmbottle had some unemployed gooseherds (this was at the time of the great Wessex goose-shortages of the 1840s) build it. The Welshman was hiding in a tree, which Lord Elmbottle considered a suspicious activity. He claimed to be from the Highways Department, come to check out reports that the road surface was in need of repair, and said that he had only climbed the tree after Lord Elmbottle fired his arquebus (for such is the ancient weapon of choice at Elmbottle Hall) in anger. Lord Elmbottle reloaded the arquebus, and shot the intruder anyway, since, as he afterwards said, "I didn't like the cut of his jib" (another ancestor of Lord Elmbottle's fought under Admiral Crumhorne at Cadiz). Where was I? Oh yes. A cloud is merely a visible massing of water droplets, and not a solid or discrete 'object' at all. The cloud has much to tell us about the nature of what we fondly term 'the world'. But soft, it is time to feed the eohippi. I can hear their lilting call. |
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Matar of the World
Deleted |
Bloody funny! Reminds me of how we allow computers or technology to over-ride our natural reactions to a situation...
How many times have I been in a shop, the shop assistant has rung in the items which probably don't come to more than £5 even a child would work it out - the assistant says that'll be £15.60. She looks at you, you say 'That can't possibly be right, I've only got 3 items... she looks at you horrified GOSH SHOCK HORROR ... the computer can't be WROOOOOOONGG! She can't seem to quickly do the math in her head - it doesn't seem to compute! |
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Lynton
Writer |
Don't get me started about shop assistants they make me angry
say something to calm me down quick! |
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Erskin Quint
Opium-eater Registered: 15 Oct 07 Forum Profile Writer's Profile |
something to calm me down quick |
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Matar of the World
Deleted |
LOL
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Lynton
Writer |
There that's much better!
Tea anyone? |
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Matar of the World
Deleted |
I'm off to play 3 handed chess...
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Lynton
Writer |
Erskin did your hear that old boy? She must have a bad touch of Euphemism - Break-out the Comfrey and the Belladonna What's thatI heard you say? "But that's a deadly nightshade" Quick out of here, whatever it is it's catching! |
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Erskin Quint
Opium-eater Registered: 15 Oct 07 Forum Profile Writer's Profile |
Perhaps Crimley's Laudanum & Ironstone Ticture would prove efficacious. It crued my intermittent aganram disorder - amlost. But mayhap the Carbolic Smoke Ball will work. It cured me of my fear of limes. |
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Lynton
Writer |
What no bile Beans?
The carbolic smokeball contained phenol one of the most toxic transdermal poisons . The most 'usefu'l chemical treatments can be summed up as follows: If you want to treat the wife With something when she's sick Just make her take her bloomers off And give her Arsenic Boom Boom I have a geat book called "The Technochemical Handbook" back then they used to make everything themselves at home. 101 recipies for varnish. For varnishing stairs, paintings, picture frames, straw hats etc. I've often though of resurrecting some of these particularly the cosmetics because they would go down a bomb with old labels etc. The chemist in our village would knock up "Collis-Brown's , Parishes food, Embrocation and god knows what else for my nan. Where can you get goose greas and camphorated oil these days? I just love the old names for chemicals "Butter of antimony" talk about trial and error. I still like vitriol. |
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Erskin Quint
Opium-eater Registered: 15 Oct 07 Forum Profile Writer's Profile |
Ah yes. It'll soon to time to varnish my snood for the summer. Not to mention the ptarmigan (I try not to mention it because they don't like being varnished). I love the old nostrums though. Anyone for a go with Piggott's Galvanic Belt? Dr Locock's Pulmonic Wafers? The Electropoise ("if I feel extra fagged and played out I put the Electropoise on my head for an hour, and I feel myself again.")? |
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