Discussion Forum

Unfortunately can't take 'credit', arrived by e-mail this morning from Germany....or maybe from Amsterdam.....aways room for improvement, eh, what? (author unknown)

"The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the EU rather than German which was the other possibility. As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty's Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5 year phase-in plan that would be known as "Euro-English".

In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of the"k". This should klear up konfusion and keyboards kan have 1 less letter.

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f". This will make words like "fotograf" 20% shorter.

In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be ekspekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkorage the removal of double letters, which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of the silent "e"s in the language is disgraseful, and they should go away.

By the fourth year, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v". During ze fifz year, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou" and similar changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters.

After zis fifz yer, ve vil hav a reli sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi to understand ech ozer. Ze drem vil finali kum tru! And zen ve vil tak over ze world!"

Yep seen that one - a while ago my bro sent me something really similar. But the truth is it happens. Whe I worked for a Swiss multinational English was the main language but it got bastardised in just that way till it require a command of german, french and italian to understand it.

Be careful otherise our dear friend IN SEINE will end up putting it in the mag and claiming it as his own!

Lookiing at it again ze bastards already seeming are to have got to my keyboard

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Quote: Lynton

Yep seen that one - a while ago my bro sent me something really similar. But the truth is it happens. Whe I worked for a Swiss multinational English was the main language but it got bastardised in just that way till it require a command of german, french and italian to understand it.

Be careful otherise our dear friend IN SEINE will end up putting it in the mag and claiming it as his own!

Lookiing at it again ze bastards already seeming are to have got to my keyboard

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thanks for the update...first time I had seen it....the internet is everywhere!!!

even knows if you're wearing shoes or not....

Morse

True to form, Morse. True to form. Subtle as a Louisville Slugger. Skoob wishes he had as big a sweet spot.

"In the United States, periods and commas go inside quotation marks regardless of logic." - online source

What a bunch of bull. I like logic.

"mumble mumble mumble I'm going to open a stinking apostrophe factory with Robert Burns whenever I get back to bonnie Scotland" - also found online

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Quote: Frankie The J

True to form, Morse. True to form. Subtle as a Louisville Slugger. Skoob wishes he had as big a sweet spot.

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'Sweet' is in the eye of the beholder....but a big wet spot...now that's something a mate can really get off on...innit?

Morse,

BTW,

Great post!

Thanks.

I too couldn't resist passing it along.

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Quote: Morse

Unfortunately can't take 'credit', arrived by e-mail this morning from Germany....or maybe from Amsterdam.....aways room for improvement, eh, what? (author unknown)

"The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the EU rather than German which was the other possibility. As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty's Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5 year phase-in plan that would be known as "Euro-English".

In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of the"k". This should klear up konfusion and keyboards kan have 1 less letter.

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f". This will make words like "fotograf" 20% shorter.

In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be ekspekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkorage the removal of double letters, which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of the silent "e"s in the language is disgraseful, and they should go away.

By the fourth year, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v". During ze fifz year, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou" and similar changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters.

After zis fifz yer, ve vil hav a reli sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi to understand ech ozer. Ze drem vil finali kum tru! And zen ve vil tak over ze world!"

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SFO: yeah, sometimes a 'used' story is like leftovers....better the second time around....more flavour! Especially the 'classics'....

Like Moppy Dick!

glad you enjoyed.

Morse

I got a ten for spelling at school, Lynton, lessons 25$ an hour?

As for K's and S's living out here and speaking the lingos, no prob, if you enjoy living under a bridge, no prob.

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Quote: Jaggedone

I got a ten for spelling at school, Lynton, lessons 25$ an hour?

As for K's and S's living out here and speaking the lingos, no prob, if you enjoy living under a bridge, no prob.

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...not to worry Jo...check out your new position on the news thread regarding Bargis for Prez....You'll love it...housing allowance included!

stay warm!

Morse

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Quote: Morse

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Quote: Jaggedone

I got a ten for spelling at school, Lynton, lessons 25$ an hour?

As for K's and S's living out here and speaking the lingos, no prob, if you enjoy living under a bridge, no prob.

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...not to worry Jo...check out your new position on the news thread regarding Bargis for Prez....You'll love it...housing allowance included!

stay warm!

Morse

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Thanks for the TIP Morse (need every penny I can get, there's no fleetwood flowing everything is ICE)

Brilliant Bargis (your partner for 2010 BTW?) love it and the thread.