Discussion Forum

10.01pm Dunno what write about feeling


10.02pm Jesus is good for ideas, hes kind of funny, in a A.I.D.S kind of way.

10.03pm Maybe i can write about Barghis tryhol lassooing things with that Python known as - Penis.

10.05pm how did Jesus know i am a wanker?

10.06pm Jesus knows everything?

10.07pm think ill log in a bit.

10.0m Probably wake up wanting go back sleep 2morrow.

10.09pm Maybe ill be up at dawn to smoke some crack with Jesus.Or Obama.

10.10.pm Why cant i wake up at dawn for some crack

10.11pm Things could be worse, i could go to sleep and not wake up, i hope i dont get found dead one day.

10.20pm gonna go watch a film in a minute and have some fish and chips - not from brighton

10.21pm If Choking to death on ones own vomit is natural causes, maybe i should think about going out in while having fun?

10.22pm Choking to death on your own vomit is better than choking to death on some one elses vomit.

10.23pm when death comes to take me away, maybe i could bribe him with some peanut butter, maybe he would give me a dignified death at least.

10.24pm i would tell him it was peanut butter anyway, maybe he wouldnt notice the differance.

10.25pm Better go and watch a film now.

10.34pm Jo is in love with me

I know who you are, PMC, and I've seen where you sleep.

I'm not gonna say because you already know who you are. And you sleep in a bed.

A racecar bed.

---

Quote: Madame Bitters

I know who you are, PMC, and I've seen where you sleep.

I'm not gonna say because you already know who you are. And you sleep in a bed.

A racecar bed.

---

MB: tell us the truth, are you Sara Lee?

WE want to see YOUR diary...especially all the really JUICY stluff....


Morse, Your Beef Welllington

11.0m Subconsiously my mind made up that it wanted to watch a film, it was a poorly fabricated cover story - to eat fish and chips- the chips wernt cooked properly, although the birds eye fish fingers were OK.

11.09 I dont sleep in a race car bed, my bed is a mattress on the floor in a room.

11.10 i decided to get rid of a sofa bed i had, i mangled it up and had it taken to a tip it was a nice bed. But i needed space.

11.11 Captain Birds eye will probably be in one of my upcoming blockbuster stories, hes clearly a Child molestor.

11.12 Jolly green giant is in the same category of Captain birdseye also.

11.13 i have decided all the best films are based on true stories.

11.14 Transformers is one of the best all time films on this heap of mud called earth.

11.15 I dont have a driving license, but i keep buying old cars, because when i find the magic waspish car who makes kit look like a wimp he will be my chauffer.

11.16 MB is in love with me.

11.17 i better go sleep now, maybe ill say a prayer to Jesus.

23:20 hours

Didn't realise I had a problem.

Now it seems I'm hallucinating.

Help...

11.32pm Skoob says he needs help, but its well known hes off the rails, poor guy. Maybe he takes to many extasy pills?

11.33 i was supposed to be going to bed but im still here ?

11.34pm Now i really really am going to bed.Maybe i can write about Skoob in a story .. he could eat skoobie snacks and be a detective dog?

11.35pm i hope no one starts writing beckham diaries there mine i tell yah, and the rest of yah can keep your mitts off!


11.37

23:40 hours

If PMC wants to write a story about, or involving me...welcome to do so.

Been slaughtered since I came here, so one more won't hurt.

I'm not writing a story about PMC though.

I'd rather write out the 'Aristocrats' joke in its entirety.

And I'm not going to do that either.

No matter what.

That joke is obscene.

Too obscene for words.

Regards

Skoob.

PMC, your spelling and grammar are atrocious, if you don't mind me saying so.

I usually don't point these things out because I'm not a Grammar Nazi. We already have a resident Grammar Nazi, but I won't say who.

I won't say it's Monkey Woods. You can't make me!

8.39 am woke up late, wanted to go back to sleep, didnt even have a wank this morning, maybe Jesus is a liar.

8.41 am Had some breakfast and a cup of low grade tea made from the dustleftovers from good quality tea.

8.42 am want to stay writing diary all day, but no i have go to work

8.43 am MB is "Bullying" and "picking" on me, maybe she is write in what she says that my spelling and grammar stink.

8.44 am i bet the deliberate mistake almost gave her a heartattack.

8.46 am I could lie, and say all the previous mistakes i have made were deliberate.

8.47 am I dont lie though.

8.48 am Women in love to crazy things.

8.49 am I hope a women in love doesnt give me goats horn, and slash my throat and try stab me to death one day.

8.50 am i had thoughts of a gaytley story, it involved getting found in a fellatio performing position, and choking, gee i think i can be a cruel bastard.

8.51 am Better go and get ready for work, maybe it will be fun.

8.52 am MB strikes me as a women in love, i wonder whos throat has been cut?

8.54 am i wonder if cruel and sick work well together?

8.55 am Crick?

9.25 am Been flushing my head down the toilet, for 20 mins everyday for months now, all its done has turn my hair blue.Maybe i need to be American for it to turn me into a master assassin?

6.57 pm just added new magazine article including Skoob in it, hope it doesnt have to get binned

6.58 pm maybe ill do some Beckham diarys later.

6.59 pm Sometimes i think i am just a badly put together mish mash of personalities, kind of like Frankenstein.

7.01 pm I once answered the phone, was very exited - no one ever phones me,answering "hello Miss Money Penny, ill have your Pussy for starters and your mouth for dessert" the male debt collecter which ebay was using rudley responded "WTF" I politly informed him i dont want to fuck, and called him a fag while slamming the phone down.

7.04 pm I cut the phone cord, i hate getting disturbed once a year.

9.11 pm Decided to check my mail - I got one of the 10 kids from the family next door to open them for me, Joey his name is, being a famous womanizer and writer i get alot of fan mail, some times they get a little over excited and send me fire works which go off when i open the mail.

9.14 pm little Joey opened my mail without any harm which was - nice.

9.15 pm Joeys older brother Sampson wasnt so lucky last year when he opened my mail, he had his hands blown off by some fire works.

9.16 pm His Mum came round ranting and screaming at me, i asked her if she had been drinking, then politely informed her that my tax pays for child benefits, and for excellent medical attention via the - NHS.

9.17 pm Sampsons Mum was still standing on my door step, so i decided to give her my autograph, then promptly slammed the door shut.

9.18 pm i noticed her leaving about 2 hours later, she must of been paying homage to me by lying out side my front door for a bit.

9.19 pm Maybe she practised the religion known as - Kabblah?

9.20 pm In my mail i found a tearfull love letter from JO - it briefly mentioned things about - Statements - and was full of words like - Sexist - chauvanist -Detest - loathe - Pig - and Death.

9.22 pm I decided to write back to JO, i wrote back thanking her for spending the time writing to me, i left a little X at the end to, i told her the Police hadnt been round my house since poor Sampsons accident, so i hadnt made any statements, i asked if she had been drinking.

9.28 pm Skoob seems smart - no wonder he has a wife.

9.29 pm Roger moore was a good James Bond, it was his birthday today!

Did you get that 'thing' I sent you?

8.33 am Woke up late again today, i dont have much need for going in work bright eyed and bushy talied early - since times are bad.

8.35 am Noticed some mail, i managed to open it with a broomhandle froma distance - Little Joey apparently is nt very well.

8.37 am The mail was all fan mail, off people like British Gas and N- Power.

8.38 am sighed as yet again i had to return them to sender stating clearly that i am colour blind and cant read the red stuff in the letters they send.

8.40 am Joeys mum was round again, seems that one of my fans named MB had sent me a blank letter which contained Anthrax.

8.41 am Told Joeys mum that, she should take better care of her kids, and that fate and destiny were to blame for Joeys anthrax ingestion not me - what is it with kids and these chemicals nowadays.

8.42 am If its not Anthrax their on, its sniffing petrol or glue.

10.28 pm Wrote another blockbuster Sherlock Holmes story.

10.29 pm Joeys Mum was round to see me again, she must have the hots for me.She ranted at me "Im going to Sue, you will be sorry" i replied i know Sue and i ask her to suck me quite often" This seemed to make matters worse.

10.31 pm Joeys Mum is jealous its obvious.

10.32 pm I again gave her a autograph, and then promptly slammed the door shut.

10.33pm Women are strange creatures, one minute there ranting at me next minute there paying homage to me by lying outside my front door for a couple of hours.

10.34 pm I asked a girl on a date 3 weeks ago, she said yes, i didnt get my hopes up to much as i knew that it wouldnt happen.

10.35 pm 2 and half weeks later the date never happened, i clapped my self on the back - i am always right.

10.36 pm if women mean no when they say yes, when it comes to personal relations ship like things, that means no means yes.

10.37 pm There must be a lot of innocent rapists in jail.

10.38 pm Reminded my self to aim lower, if you have no standards at all in life nothing can disapoint you at all.

10.39 pm I told MB that i wanted my New board game which they had made to my exact specifications re delievered, i did mention the Anthrax outbreak, they just said it must of been a disgruntled Royal Mail employee, i agreed.

10.40 pm Look forward to receiving my new board game, its a x between Monopoly and Talisman - called Monoman - i expect it to sell well.

10.41 pm My mates at work seem to have many gatly jokes on there mobiles.

10.42 pm One joke was " Stephen gatly is getting buried face down so his friends can recognize him" the other was "When Michael jackson died and went to heaven, god granted him one wish,Jackson replied i want a little boys zone "

10.44 pm

6.43 pm Live = Evil .

6.44 pm Little Joeys Mum, and numerous dads "The Disciples"let there kids listen to shit, called Pop music.

6.45 pm I watched from my window as little Micky and Natasha pranced about to some song which included lyrics "You can do it, put your back into it"

6.47 pm Little Joey is ok, the doctors said it was just swine flu - i agreed.

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Quote: Pimpmycapitalist

6.43 pm Live = Evil .

6.44 pm Little Joeys Mum, and numerous dads "The Disciples"let there kids listen to shit, called Pop music.

6.45 pm I watched from my window as little Micky and Natasha pranced about to some song which included lyrics "You can do it, put your back into it"

6.47 pm Little Joey is ok, the doctors said it was just swine flu - i agreed.

---

It's everywhere, the curse of Jesus alias Budda is gobbling up the fairways like the dubonic plague and Tiger Woods a huge black pimping capitalist!

Putt him onto the green invite the moles to head his ball into touch and hit him over the head with a shovel, the only cure!

9 53 pm Jo sent me another tearfull love letter - she was speaking in tongues and riddles - i wrote back asking her if she had been drinking, i left two Xs at the end, and said she should maybe join alcoholics anonoymous.

Question for you, PMC:

In the UK, and in most other countries (or so I've been told) they use the 24 hour clock. Why don't you use it?

Not trying to be antagonistic; I'm genuinely curious.

9 am MB wrote me again, i wasnt sure if my Record breaking long awaited new game would fit in a envolope, so i decided better safe than sorry, i asked a kind chap wearing dark glasses with a cane and a dog to open my mail, i am a very private person.

9.03 am It was a nice letter littered with words like prick.

9.05 am I watched as the old man with the cane and dog walked off, he looked fine.

9.06 am The neighbours with 10 kids have moved out, the police came round and arrested her, she had been fabricating stories about one of her kids needing a wheel chair etc, she pulled the wool of Mr Kowells eyes, that didnt come as a suprise to me, he has anybody on his shows.

9.08 am I like the normal clock, why use 24 hour clocks when i never say things like ill be back home at 17.00 hours.I noticed the lad who uses a wheelchair prancing to songs which include the lyrics "suck on my choclate salty balls" .

9.11 am The new neighbours have pissed me off already, they were round moaning that they can hear when i turn on a light switch or the beep of my microwave, they clearly are abusing the system, they had some over paid lackeys round from the council to paint a disabled parking spot for them outside there house, no one else in the street gets a parking space saved.

9.14 am Noticed him walking to the local shop, he cant walk to his car if its further than 10 meteres away, but he can walk to the shop across a busy main road, and back with a bag of shopping in his hand.

9.16 am His wife who looks and sounds like a man phoned me up swearing at me and genrally being a unpleasant bitch.

9.17 am If i took it up the arse all the time, i suppose i also would be an unpleasant bitch.

9.18 am Made another mental note that one day ill get the new neighbours back, new labour has a grassing phone line.

9.19 am

3.33 pm if women mean no when they say yes, and that means theres many innocent rapists, then that means theres many more rapists who as yet have to be brought to justice - explains why there is so much "Domestic violence" etc.

3.36 pm Maybe if i say to JO that "yes" i am JB that will sort out any little problems.

3.37 pm

3.39 pm Every women i have ever asked out has said, "No" gee i am one lucky guy.

3.45 pm Almost every women Russel brand asks for sex says "yes" .....the mans a monster of enormous proportions.

3.56 pm The man responsible for catching 'che" who worked for America, who was helping in Bolivia said he could nt stop his death.

3.58 pm Kind of like runing some one over in a car and say to the police "Sorry officer i only wanted to maim them horribly, not kill them"

3.59 pm Supposedly he had asthama from the day of "Ches " death.

9.15 pm MB wrote me again, luckily the chap with the dark glasses and cane, walking the dog was still there - minus his dog he was wondering in circles, the idiot, i called him over "oi village this way", seems his dog keeled over from the letter it was sniffing from MB last time.

9.19 pm MBs letter was strange, said i made her laugh so much she had tears in her eyes, i decided to phone her telling her its probably just a women thing, i kindly offered to wipe her tears with a baseball bat, she said no then yes then um.

9.23 pm Probably a good thing she said Um, thelast women whos tears i wiped with a bat, was paying homage to me so much she ended up ih hospital with a very swollen face from crying so much.
9.49 pm Was having a conversation the other day talking about OCD, and how if it really does qualify as a disease type thing, i just said its because theres many nutters about its obv a mental thing.
9.51 pm I once read storys of a mans dad with OCD he had many accidents on his bike, he had to always always on his bike no matter when he wanted to stop etc, to always finish with a pedal in the exact same position and side, apparently it caused many amusing things called accidents.

9.53 pm MB story got me thinking about OCD, i recalled a coversation about people who pick there noses and eat the filth which comes out.

9.55 pm The guy telling me about it said he glanced up at work and caught this other guy picking his nose,so he carried on watching, well any way after digging deep, he pulled out his treasure, but before he munched it down, he wanted to make sure the coast was clear, my mate looked away, for a second but he reckoned thier eyes had met, He didnt mention it to him but he said they both knew what had just occured LOL LOL

3.17 Pm And Jehovah created man first.

3.18 pm And out of man God Created another being.

3.19 pm And God Sayeth, for the second man i have created out of the first man i created i shall call it twoman.

3.20 pm In the years later when the world became full of men and twomens they, changed the lords words to whatever they wanted, they made up words like bootylicious and changed the name twoman to women.

3.23 pm And the lords was not pleaseth for he said i shall wreak and heap even more misery and suffering upon the world, tsunamis and wars will be even more rampant, than my last plague i gave to man, which they called Aids.

3.25 pm And the lord sayeth i shall give them a president called Obama to rule over them liketh sheeps to the slaughter, Obama shall be born off a black and a white parents so he ath will appeal to all of the world sheepies.

3.28 pm And some of the worlds People did not liketh The mightius Obamus, for they pointed out to the great Lord, Obama is like - Blite.

1.08 am And the lord did sayeth, the world hath voted Mightius Obamus into power, and the people whoteth did not like the Mightius Obamus sayeth, Lord you madeth Obamus, but the sheepeth who Obamus hath mindwashed with hith cracketh and big dicketh hath voted himeth in not us o lord.

1.14 am and the Lord sayeth Obamth hath hith good points he didth call the mightius kayne westeth a jackass, and the people whoth did not liketh Mightius Obamth grumbled and said Mightius Obamus was a liar.

9.47 am woke up this morning - patted my self on the back, every day i wake up is a day proving that people in there 30s dont die from natural causes.

.9.49 I seriously think Elton John is gonna pop his clogs soon.

9.54 when Elton John dies it will be a sad moment or day, unlike when MJ and stephen died, was more like 2 Circus shows - Im suprised no one has come out and called Boyzone a bunch of publicity seekers, maybe it is bad tatse, still i think they are.

10.12 am Unfortunately life goes on .