Discussion Forum

I put mine in the glass at night

Not sure, no check that, I'm very sure I've never thought of the tooth fairy in quite that way, but I'm encouraged to learn that she might just be that easy.... If all it takes is a threat and a couple of kitchen knives to cop a feel.... hmmm.

Do you think she would accept forcibly removed crowns as a lure?

What does the tooth fairy look like?

That is a question I find MYSLEF asking quite a lot.
Thats a lie. I've only ever asked it once - now.

Is she pretty?
Does she have wings?
Is she smaller than my middle finger?
Does she leave magical trail of pixie dust as she moves about?
What the fuck does she do with those teeth?

Ok, thats the main question I need answering.

WHAT DOES THE TOOTH FAIRY DO WITH THOSE TEETH?

Lets be honest here: there isn't much you can do with somebody else's teeth, is there?

There has to be a sinister motive behind it all. I don't trust little people (whether midgets of children) so I can't see the sense in trusting a weirdo female who sneaks into your bedroom to buy your teeth.

You miss the point old boy.

There is a female in your bedroom.............. motives on her part at that point are a secondary concern.

She's smaller than my middle finger....

Na... it has to be a fairy dust, Santa Claus kind of a thing. How else could she carry all those teeth if she couldn't grow to adult human size. The middle finder stature is just the method she uses to get her in the door. Santa can shrink, the tooth fairy can enlarge.

And....

There will be wings to grab onto in case she chooses to ride the pommel.

You seem to have given this quite a bit of thought, PM.

I'm gonna do a story on it and it's gonna shatter everything you've ever believed in.

You see, I have my own theory on what she (or he?) does with the teeth she/he buys. I have a reliable source who says I'm close to uncovering the "tooth". (Terrible, I know)

Maybe TOO close........

Ah yes,

The magical and limitless powers of fairy and pixie dust to reduce or enlarge just about anything. Are we sure this wasn't a substance created by Pfizer Pharmaceuticals?

Perhaps the dust is truly ground up and powdered teeth?

Bitters, You go girl. I'll be looking for your take on this age old mystery.


Peace, Love, Vegetables
PM

I think P.M. is trying to say:

Pixie Dust = Ground teeth = Viagra!

November 3

Today - wiped my backside.

1507 - Leonardo DaVinci was commissioned by the husband of Lisa Gherardini to paint her. The work is known as the Mona Lisa. The wife thinks it looks nothing like her and tells me she thinks its shit.


1957 - Sputnik II was launched by the Soviet Union. It was the second manmade satellite to be put into orbit and was the first to put an animal into space, a dog named Laika. I loved that little guy. His last words to me where: "please let me stay. I don't want to die".
I just patted his little head and kissed him farewell


1973 - Mariner 10 spacecraft was launched. On March 29, 1974 it became the first spacecraft to reach the planet Mercury. No aliens were found. Little did they know that i had tipped off my otherworldly friends of the impending exploration. They hid until the nosy bastards left. Mercurians later rewarded my kindness by creating the lead singer from Queen. They asked for him to be returned in 1991 after his fame and success threatened their secrecy.


1987 - China told the U.S. that it would halt the sale of arms to Iran. Didn't stop them selling legs though.


1998 - Bob Kane, the creator of Batman, died at the age of 83. His final words were: "Budda, that Batman and Robin movie was shit". he was so, so right.



1998 - A state-run newspaper in Iraq urged the country to prepare for to battle "the U.S. monster." This later turned out to be incorrect. It was Scotland's Loch Ness monster which was to cause much devastation and loss of life. I defeated the creature in open battle wearing a chain mail costume made of teeth. (thus answering the mystery of what happens with all those tooth fairy collected teeth).

2020 - Got my eyes tested.

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Quote: Jesus Budda

November 3

Today - wiped my backside.

Have you time for such banalities?

I'm in the mood for a fight.
How about you?

Suppose you're not in the mood for a fight then.
Pity.



I think its time for some sex. Be back soon.

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Quote: Jesus Budda

I'm in the mood for a fight.
How about you?

---

No prob, choose weapons

I'm in the mood for a chocolate Hob Nob and a nice cup o tea.

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Quote: Fergus McCarthy

I'm in the mood for a chocolate Hob Nob and a nice cup o tea.

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I think I'll join you + a dose Man U

JB

You are now, and always have been, the man.
Maybe two men and a small boy with a talent towards prose and pontification.

You go do that sex thing. Hopefully not alone.

PM

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Quote: Jaggedone

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Quote: Fergus McCarthy

I'm in the mood for a chocolate Hob Nob and a nice cup o tea.

---

I think I'll join you + a dose Man U

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Valencia should be buried up to his neck on the halfway line for 7 days and made to chant "I am not Ronaldo"


Dad bless Michael Owen.

Their lad Krasic looks good.

Versatile.

All over the park.

And Dzagoev.

Bastards!

Skoob.

Phew!

Football eh?

Bloody hell!

Skoob.

Worn out.

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Quote: Skoob1999

Phew!

Football eh?

Bloody hell!

Skoob.

Worn out.

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Let' talk about Victoria's new hair do....'Striking' ??????

I dunno Cap.

Is it?

Regards

Skoob.

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Quote: Skoob1999

Phew!

Football eh?

Bloody hell!

Skoob.

Worn out.

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totally knackered, just a case of underestimation and overrating one's second/third choice selection!

I thank you, PM, for your kind words.

Football, eh?
A game of two halves.
A ball. Two goals. 11 players a side. A referee, 2 linesmen (maybe more if the testing process with the assistants behind the goals works out), an assistant referee for the time board and substitutions.
A pitch, marked with lines.

But the most important questions are these:
1: Where are the streakers and loony's who run across the pitch or manage to sneak into team photo's mischievously?

2: What exactly is the purpose of the semi-circle in front of the penalty area?

3: Why do players spit so much and snort snot from their noses?

4: Why are football jersey's so badly designed? They are sweat gatherers.


All these are important questions.
But there is something more important you should know ('You' meaning the people of the world)

Everyone knows (or should know) that Maradona is a close personal friend of Jesus Budda.

It was Jesus Budda who thought him how to play.
It was Jesus Budda who discovered him in the slums of Buenes Ares.
It was Jesus Budda who instigated the transfer to Barcelona and then introduced him to the mafia. This lead to his sudden desire to join Napoli and play the beautiful game like a beautiful woman.
It was Jesus Budda who gave him coke, whores and lollipops (in no particular order).
It was Jesus Budda who hid inside Maradona's shirt and 'controlled' him during the 1978 world cup. After getting him sent off I decided to stay outside in future which inadvertantly allowed him to single-handedly win the World Cup in '86, bring Argentina to the dullest final ever in '90 and score that wonder goal in '94. Sadly, I possessed his shirt again when I helped him fail that drugs test and get banned.
It was Jesus Budda who told him to shoot at those journalists with that little gun.
It was Jesus Budda who covered up little Maradona Jnr for all those years. Keeping a child alive in a cellar is not as easy as Fritzel made out.
It was Jesus Budda who advised Maradona to present his star-studded (lie) show "Night of the Number Ten".
It was Jesus Budda who advised Maradona to become Argentina manager despite that fact that it was clearly a bonkers idea.
It was Jesus Budda who ensured Argentina play shit during the qualifying campaign. Only when I left to take a shit did they win and scrape through to the finals.


I was also responsible for Carlos Valderama's hairdo, Hagi's grumpy moods, Stoichkov's stubble and Gullet's dreadlocks.
The magic touch of Budda magic is thats needed to make the beautiful game just that extra bit more gorgeous.

November 4

Today - logged on to this site and talked crap.

1846 - The patent for the artificial leg is granted to Benjamin Palmer. Injured centipedes around the world celebrate the news.



1880 - James and John Ritty patented the first cash register. Little did they know that their invention would lead to the fall of civilisation as we know it at the hands of fat, ugly, smelly checkout girls who would later go on to operate the wondrous devices. Fat bitches. Smell like shit. Fuck of and die.

1922 - In Egypt, Howard Carter discovered the entry of the lost tomb of Pharaoh Tutankhamen. Egyptians celebrated by opening tacky market stalls selling shitty stainless steel artifacts.


1965 - Lee Ann Roberts Breedlove became the first woman to exceed 300 mph when she went 308.5 mph. By car? By spacecraft? By rollerskating? I have no fucking idea how she did this. Was she just a very speedy woman? Now we'll never know. Or care.

2067 - Worlds first solar airship launched on maiden voyage to Neptune. Captain Elmor Frizzit says he'll bring back a wife for himself as well as a dog for his nephew, Brian.
Craft exploded upon reentry to moon base 1.
Captain Frizzit, his Neptunian bride and astro dog all persish in the implosion.



2167 - Anniversary of Death of Captain Frizzit, his Neptunian wife and astro dog.


2478 - A big black hole takes a shit on the moon. Robotic spectators and their zebra friends watch the whole thing in glorious holographic surround sound HD 5D.

27777463839910184847659 - Getting close to the end of time.





NOTE TO SELF: Must make more notes to self.