Discussion Forum

Lady G

Being in an impressario mood perhaps brought on by the season it would seem that you could write a decent parody of A Christmas Carol with Scrooge and all the Ghosts of Christmas Past portrayed by our own Monkey Woods.

Victor

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Quote: Lady Godiva

Just leave me alone for dog's sake. Stop picking on me the three of you (who are but ONE). I've got you sussed.

Sod the times on the edits. That sucks big time.

The three of you can go and crawl up Simon Cowell's backside for all I care though. An' Ah am not even bovvered! Righ? Inni'?

Lo' o' Chavs you are....except you are only ONE though.

LG

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It's all lies is this.

1968?

I was 10.

I remember vividly watching United beat Benfica 4-1 in the European Cup Final.

(Charlton, Graca, - extra time - Best, Kidd on his 19th birthday, Charlton with the coup de grace.)

Don't remember bonking any blonde American woman though.

That must have been 1969.

Bastards.

Skoob

That's a lie. Skoob was NEVER ten. He was born when he was twenty-five.

Monkey - I don't even HAVE an arse - so there! Shows how well you THINK you know me HA! (she scoffed).

Victor - Last day of school today...thanks for the idea - I'll have more time for the next coupla weeks. Ah but...now all the others will do that story before I get around to it. You just watch! Nasty buggers some o' them.
Especially 'he who is three' and he knows who he be.

LG


See! That Edited thingy is crazy. I thought I had to edit...I came back to do so and realized that I didn't have to edit after all. Then when I went back to my REPLY I saw it said 'Edited' at the top when I hadn't actually edited but I have now had to edit just to tell you that.

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Quote: Skoob1999

It's all lies is this.

1968?

I was 10.

I remember vividly watching United beat Benfica 4-1 in the European Cup Final.

(Charlton, Graca, - extra time - Best, Kidd on his 19th birthday, Charlton with the coup de grace.)

Don't remember bonking any blonde American woman though.

That must have been 1969.

Bastards.

Skoob

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HORSE MANURE!

You just don't want to cough up the child support!
Some miserable father you are!
Bad enough I had to grow up without a dad.
Having only my own fingernail clippings to eat for food.
Had to crawl in the heating shafts at school to get any learning at all and to keep warm in the winter.
Had only toilet paper to wrap myself in to keep warm at night while I cried myself to sleep.
Had to sell matches on the street corner to have any money at all. When they got wet I'd sharpen the ends and sell them as toothpicks.
All I ever had for toys were dead rats I'd find. Also the only dessert I ever had.
Had to wear egg cartons taped together for clothing. Sometimes had to set it on fire to keep warm.
AND ITS ALL BECAUSE OF YOU!!!!

Too fucking right you ungrateful brat.

What? You wanted to grow up a wimp?

Seems like you did just that, whingeing bastard.

It's called tough love ass hole.

Live with it.

For fuck's sake...

Regards

Your ever loving father

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Quote: Skoob1999

Too fucking right you ungrateful brat.

What? You wanted to grow up a wimp?

Seems like you did just that, whingeing bastard.

It's called tough love ass hole.

Live with it.

For fuck's sake...

Regards


....just tell 'em the truth Skoob...how you met his mom at the bus stop, the bus was late, you chatted her up...and one thingy just led to another...

two strangers just passing in the queue....A Great Love Story with a bad
ending......

Nobody ever said you were 'results oriented'....

what time does the #31 to Buckingham Palace get here.....

Your ever loving father

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Did I forget to mention that Morse and I were Siamese twins?
We were connected at the willie.
When it came time to separate us the surgeon gave me the better end of the deal.
The surgeon should have just continued on and given him a complete sex change operation to save him the constant lifelong embarrassments that he has had to endure in locker rooms (ie.- "Hey guys, does he have one or doesn't he? Or is that really a __________".)

Th one thing I love about Morse, is his compassion and understanding. The way he explains the hurts and woes of this world, and gives a warm and comforting reply.

If everyone of SKOOBS offspring had an understanding loving father like Morse, they would not have hit the rails.

Thank you Morse, for being there.
Mrs Scondle, of Edgebaston has a problem with her son Eric.
Do you think you could offer some words of wisdom and love?

Thank you

Arm xxxx

Are you sure we're talking about the same Morse?

I've just read Monkey's posts aimed at me at this thread. This morning I read them in a different tone of voice and he sounds dead serious. I didn't think he hated me - well not THAT much

LG

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Quote: armfeetandtoe

Th one thing I love about Morse, is his compassion and understanding. The way he explains the hurts and woes of this world, and gives a warm and comforting reply.

If everyone of SKOOBS offspring had an understanding loving father like Morse, they would not have hit the rails.

Thank you Morse, for being there.
Mrs Scondle, of Edgebaston has a problem with her son Eric.
Do you think you could offer some words of wisdom and love?

Thank you

Arm xxxx

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Arm me boyo....send the lad around. Just getting ready to start another survival camp in a day or two...we'll have a wee word about snakes, alligators, bob cats, and wild hogs, then the little bastard will be turned loose for 3 days and nights in the swamp....I guarantee my results 100%...Eric will turn out to be a fine loving son, a productive citizen and a high earner in the private sector....

Too late for ReTread....you can't unlearn a lifetime in 3 days....even in a swamp!

Thanks again fer yer support!

Go Hogs!

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Quote: Skoob1999

Too fucking right you ungrateful brat.

What? You wanted to grow up a wimp?

Seems like you did just that, whingeing bastard.

It's called tough love ass hole.

Live with it.

For fuck's sake...

Regards

Your ever loving father

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BASTARD!
(sniffle)
Typical! (whimper) Never there when ya need him.
If it hadn't been for the lice in my hair I never would have had anything to snack on when I was kid.
Mum used to give me shampoos by putting dish soap in the toilet, sticking my head in and flushing.
(whine)
I had to wear my sister's (bet you didn't know about her either, you bastard!)hand me down clothes to school. The worst was the pink frilly undies that they would all see when we changed for gym class. Of course, the guys who made the most fun were the ones who secretly tried to ask me out on dates later in high school.
Didn't have to worry about proper hygiene because my teeth and hair were all gone by age 9. Then people were able to tell who my pa was because we now looked alike.
(whimper)

And Morse, you were never any help as a brother. Always having to wipe your snotty nose before I pimped you out...

Typical Dad. Now he isn't even listening to me.

Dad.....Dad?.....

Are you there Dad?.....

FOR GOD'S SAKE ITS CHRISTMAS!........

No answer, even on Christmas.......typical.....
(sniff) (whimper).......

Bastard.......

Typical.

I don't even get a break at Christmas.

I dunno.

And here's me - not well and that innit.

Regards

Skoob

I've been seeing a young lady from the Phillipines for a couple of weeks now and something very alarming keeps coming up...

Her name is Bo.

She says that her father came from the UK and that her mother, Mrs. Ob, recalls he not only wore a pork-pie hat, but was wont to telling porky-pies, criticising her, then excusing himself with a burp, fart and a litany of "Jus'sayin'"...

I wonder if perchance, Bo Ob could be some relation to our esteemed colleague...?

Nothing to do with me mate.

I don't even know anybody named Philippa.

Just sayin'

Regards

Skoob.

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Quote: Skoob1999

Typical.

I don't even get a break at Christmas.

I dunno.

And here's me - not well and that innit.

Regards

Skoob

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I hope the lumps of coal you got for Christmas are keeping you warm.
I'd call you bastard but its actually me who is. Thanks loads Dad.