Discussion Forum

It's OK CJ,I'm 'in touch' with Lynton. Another seemingly 'good bloke'....

Bollocks.

Jesus fucking Christ, is this place gone all namby-pampy or something?

Raoul Moate was a big, fat, stupid fucker who liked his girlies young.
Who gives a fuck what he was like as a baby?!
He killed a man, shot his girlfriend, shot a policeman...and he was only out of jail for some slap happy clappy!


I had a friend as a kid. Nice enough chap. Red hair, though.
Turned into a right bastard (becasue he was born to be a complet and utter bastard) and knocked a chaps eye out. Then decided he'd kick the shit out of a few girls too for the fun of it. Sure why not?! Those baby pictures of him in a cot would melt the heart of the jurors anyways!

He wasn't on drugs. He was just a bastard. He was such a bastard he got on heroin AFTER prison.

Should I call him up and invite him around for a cup of tea?
Maybe if I try to understand him he'll settle down.

Maybe I should try and get in touch with those chaps that shot a family member of mine's too.
I've an entire tin of biscuits open and the kettles on.


PS: And I'm not one of the ones writing shit spoof stories about any nutters either. Wouldn't have surprised me if Raoul himself put up a few comedy gems about his 'troubled' life here also.

The upshot is, none of us have a clue what the fuck we are typing about anyway. We just think we do because we see it on the telly and we think we are clever people, writers etc.

That doesn't matter. You can write what you want, it's a free country etc etc.

But sometimes you think "I wonder what it's like actually being these people I am being facetious about? Maybe I shouldn't publish this humorous squib. Maybe I'm taking advantage of other people's misery." And you stop right there and find something else to write drivel about. Derrick Bird episode hit me hard and made me really think about this.

Well, I do, anyway. That's just me.

Problem is - and this is a good subject for spoofs - these days with everything coming through the TV and internet like a reality TV show, we see every gory detail and so every fucker thinks they know what they are talking about. Now that's worth satirising.

This is good stuff to discuss because it gets to the heart of what we are up to.

Sorry for being such a crap writer that I have to use the words fuck and fucker. Fucking useless fucker I am.

It's ok, Erskin.
Only the the ones with true heart are allowed use the f- words.


Your fuckingly,

Jesus Budda


PS: I occasionally right about chickens and cows. Should I not do so because of the suffering they go through in slaughterhouses. Many die horribly, apparently. The poor, little lost souls.

Are you only occasionally right about chickens and cows then? Not every time?

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Quote: Jesus Budda

It's ok, Erskin.
Only the the ones with true heart are allowed use the f- words.


Your fuckingly,

Jesus Budda


PS: I occasionally right about chickens and cows. Should I not do so because of the suffering they go through in slaughterhouses. Many die horribly, apparently. The poor, little lost souls.

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Thats write.

You've every write to right what you want to rite of course.

Riot?

Sounds write about up my street, that does.

Back on topic: why Raoul?
It's a funny sort of name to go with 'Moate'.
Should have named him 'Castle'.
Or 'Deep'.
Or 'Ree'.

Monkey - double posting - pissed again?

You know very well what I mean - stop poking my cage.

Your nom de plume is well-chosen - if you were an animal that's what you'd be a monkey - particularly one of those with the disposition to shock old ladies by waving your old man at them.


Jesus Buddha

Do shut up!

Lynton, either you need to drink more or drink less.
Either way, do it - and do it sooner rather than later before you get all emotional again.
I can't bear to see you cry.

Oh for crying out loud. I am an my summer holidays guys.
It's like being back at work, sorting out fights (and I'm only 5' 2" - some lads are well over 6' - it doesn't stop me getting in the middle of it all though).

Play nice or move to opposite parts of the playground.

There IS good in everyone. We all have our 'off' days.

I don't have 'favourites' at school but do prefer some 'personalities' more than others because some are much easier to get along with whereas trying to get through to others is like banging my head against a brick wall.


Life's too short to fall out with each other.

Now - the final decision is in each of your hands.....

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Quote: Erskin Quint

The upshot is, none of us have a clue what the fuck we are typing about anyway. We just think we do because we see it on the telly and we think we are clever people, writers etc.

That doesn't matter. You can write what you want, it's a free country etc etc.

But sometimes you think "I wonder what it's like actually being these people I am being facetious about? Maybe I shouldn't publish this humorous squib. Maybe I'm taking advantage of other people's misery." And you stop right there and find something else to write drivel about. Derrick Bird episode hit me hard and made me really think about this.

Well, I do, anyway. That's just me.

Problem is - and this is a good subject for spoofs - these days with everything coming through the TV and internet like a reality TV show, we see every gory detail and so every fucker thinks they know what they are talking about. Now that's worth satirising.

This is good stuff to discuss because it gets to the heart of what we are up to.

Sorry for being such a crap writer that I have to use the words fuck and fucker. Fucking useless fucker I am.

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Precisely Erskin and with less words than me.

Did you see Moat's brother on Sky news? His vocabulary was interesting and he was highly articulate, coupled with the broad northern accent he has. Strange how we English attach such store (as mentioned in a previous thread) to the regional accent and make such assumptions about people from that and their looks. SuBo was another example of this strange judgemental attitude.

Moat felt he had nobody who cared - it seems he actually did, but again it is only when it is too late those people decide to say it. When they come forward the police really don't know what to do for the best and whether people like his brother or his uncle speaking to him might make things worse. Everything will out in the IPCC report no doubt and 'Lessons will be learned'.

Nevertheless, Raoul Moat in one way or another has made people sit up and think - there are facebook pages proclaiming him to be a hero (I won't subscribe to those) there is this thread too.

In one of the papers today there was a 'Criminologist' spouting off about Moat and his need for control. The chap had probably no inside information on his case at all, no more than any of us but he was portraying him as the cold-blooded controlling woman-hating killer. He may indeed have been all of those - I have really no idea.

All I know and knew when I posted above is that somewhere Raoul Moat has hit a raw nerve in me and in society as a whole. A man driven to such desperate and as he saw it hopeless straights and feeling so unloved (justifiedly or unjustifiedly is neither here nor there) that he decided to end it all and in a very public way because his own existence was the only thing he felt he had any control over at all. Society is replete with suicides every year, very private ones that never get reported but which are done for exactly the same reasons.

Remember the falling man who jumped from the twin towers? He made the only decision he felt had any control over. It was defiance. He was not going to let some Muslim fanatic decide on the way he was going to die. He did not choose fire, he chose his way - a supreme example of self-determination and a proclamation of his identity in a situation where his fate seemed to have been sealed by others.

Moat did the same and it is irrelevant whether he was or wasn't responsible for any of the actions he had carried out previously and the situation in which he found himself.

The criminal psychologist in the paper today spouted on about him blaming others for his predicament and shirking his responsibilities for his acts. All well and good perhaps but taking responsibility for one's deeds is surely something for which criminal psychologists should be employed in prisons to help offenders do rather than spout off in the papers.

Moat strikes that nerve because in society today there are countless people who feel that they are no longer able to determine the direction and outcome of their lives for themselves and that they no longer have a place or role in that society. They have little vent for their frustrations, short of anarchy or rebellion or the oblivion of drugs or the suicide. Is it any wonder that the circus maximus of reality TV is so popular or that people yearn for the good fortune of the people we write of here who seemingly get richly rewarded for doing very little - a career just for being 'famous'.

Don't let's kid ourselves that such frustration is not one of the reasons some of us write here on the spoof. It is to be seen shouting from the irony in many articles. We are luckier than most to have an outlet for something that perhaps to us is just irksome in many ways and downright tragic in others. But we shouldn't forget that the nerve that Raoul Moat's plight hit is due to him being iconic of the fact that the twin-towers of society are in someway burning down around us all and there is little we can do to stop it.


Before you say anything Monkey - Bollocks

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Quote: Jesus Budda

Lynton, either you need to drink more or drink less.
Either way, do it - and do it sooner rather than later before you get all emotional again.
I can't bear to see you cry.

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JB - People are never what they seem - ask skoob ask CJ - am I emotional? Everything I say or do is coldly calculated, every word chosen and sharpened. Who needs knives when paper cuts so well?

Another deeply-felt and considered post there Lynton.

Personally, I don't think people are more desperate these days than before. I would have thought they were pretty desperate in the 18th century for instance. Not a lot going for you then unless you had enough money and power to keep the shit off you.

Also in the 19th century they had their own media frenzy with the 'broadsheet' newspapers issued to celebrate executions and suicides etc.

However, I think the same old problems are always there. Thing about these days is it's all visible and global now and it makes people want stupid things and lose sight of what's essential. Also, there's more of everything now.

But there's no answer apart from each one of us being decent to one another. But they nailed a bloke to a tree for saying that - cos it wouldn't work. Doesn't generate money.

These 'experts' spouting in the press - they're worth spoofing, they really are. They just talk bollocks because people like to hear it.

Ah well, back to the drivel.

Keep up the drivel I love it

Just one comment on the above - desperate in those days yes but not restrained too much or ashamed of acting like animals which they did to survive.

It seems to me that today's malaise is due to the gulf between what people have been led to expect and experience with nobody, as there used to be like grandparents and parents and teachers with experience to ground the young in reality.

Decency is the keyword as you say

Well said Lyton. I didn't been to belittle your words in anyway. You write so well on the 'issue' and I agree with your comments.

We've never walked even a 'yard' in the other person's shoes, never mind a mile.

I've often quickly jumped to conclusions when sorting out 'disagreements' between students, only to eventually GET to the truth and find myself apologizing to the child who I had previously been reprimanding. (And have had to apologize to students on a number of occasions, but most of them do know I try to be fair).

I DO try to always get to 'the bottom of things' but I am only human and often, initially can't see the wood for trees, so I have to chop down the trees. That's not exactly what I am meaning, but I hope you get the gist of it. I don't have an immense vocbulary......

I'm impossible to offend and often impossible to deffend

Especially when you spell defend with two 'f's.

Just saying

Regards

Skoob.

I agree Lynton, it's the discrepancy between expectation (both what you expect to get and what you feel is expected of you) and reality these days.

What is reality anyway?

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Quote: Skoob1999

Especially when you spell defend with two 'f's.

Just saying

Regards

Skoob.

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I'm going to have to see the doc about this tremor in my hand

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Quote: Erskin Quint

I agree Lynton, it's the discrepancy between expectation (both what you expect to get and what you feel is expected of you) and reality these days.

What is reality anyway?

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Don't start that or we'll have SFO on about particles again!

Just a quick one.

My only concern over the Raul Moate stories is that both his family and his victims families would see them, it's bad enough that they've had to go through all this shit and that the rest of their lives are fucked up without them turning on the computer and seeing people taking the piss out of it all purely to gain points on a sensationalist, headline grabbing website.

I couldn't care less about the lad who shot himself, wether he felt that he had no way out or wether his mammy loved him or not.

He shot three people.

He didn't deserve a way out... Drink, drugs, steroids.. No excuse.


There is no comparison whatsoever with the plight of the man who jumped from the twin towers, all that poor unfortunate did that morning was go to work.

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Quote: Erskin Quint

The upshot is, none of us have a clue what the fuck we are typing about anyway. We just think we do because we see it on the telly and we think we are clever people, writers etc.

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Speak for yourself. I'm not clever. Thing is, I think you are right. We should all realise the pain and suffering we cause people when they surf the internet after having lost a loved one, and see some story about the deceased, dragging his reputation through the mud like we do; we should be careful not to upset the celebrities who do not deserve our scorn; not to ridicule the overpaid sports stars, the corrupt politicians, the pea-brained popstars, movie stars, Reality TV stars and non-talents that fill our newspapers, magazines, TV screens and empty lives. They deserve, instead, our respect and sincerest thanks for being who they are, and for sharing their time with us.

And all we can do is to write more and more filth about them.

I'm disgusted. Disgusted with you, Erskin, for relentlessly writing more and more Raoul filth, and with you Fergus, for caring about his family, here on a Spoof website that acts as a stage for just this kind of careless rumour-creating, and with you Jesus Budda, for... well ... for being you, you great, big, hunky, lovable ... oh, you! Come here and give me a hug, JB! That's better. I feel much warmer now.

Anyway, as for you lot, I think you should all be ashamed of yourselves, especially you, Skoob. You've hardly commented on this thread. What's the matter, were you a personal friend of the deceased just like Gazza? Come on, man, let us have your thoughts.

Having had a good think about this, I think the Spoof should be shut down. We're all too irresponsible. Apart from Duncan Whitehead, maybe, and Fergus. Oh, and Farida Benamar. She's responsible, and gorgeous - take my word for it!

Or, at least, we should have a 'cooling off' period for, say, seven days, similar to the period immediately after Princess Diana died. You know, supermarket music on the radio and a testcard on the TV, 'out of respect'. Raoul deserved that much, didn't he? As Lynton said, he was a cute baby.

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Quote: Erskin Quint

But sometimes you think "I wonder what it's like actually being these people I am being facetious about? Maybe I shouldn't publish this humorous squib. Maybe I'm taking advantage of other people's misery." And you stop right there and find something else to write drivel about.

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Don't do that, Erskin mate. You'll give yourself a headache. Or an ulcer. Or both. If you find yourself feeling like this again, drop me an email, any time of day or night, and I'll try to advise you on your next step. Don't worry if it's in the middle of the night, either. I'm not one of these people who starts complaining when they get a call while they are sleeping. If you are in trouble, let me know as soon as it happens. I'll get back to you when I eventually open my emails.

Alternatively, write a Miley Cyrus's Wotsit story. You'll soon feel better, and will doubtless have more points.

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Quote: Erskin Quint

Problem is - and this is a good subject for spoofs - these days with everything coming through the TV and internet like a reality TV show, we see every gory detail and so every fucker thinks they know what they are talking about. Now that's worth satirising.

This is good stuff to discuss because it gets to the heart of what we are up to.

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This is true. The recent troubles in Thailand were 'reported on' with a certain amount of, shall we say, 'slant' by the BBC. I have a Rachel Harvey story in my Drafts that I never got around to submitting. Maybe I'll do it.

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Quote: Erskin Quint

Sorry for being such a crap writer that I have to use the words fuck and fucker. Fucking useless fucker I am.

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Yes, you want to be careful about that, mate. You'll be having that Lady Godiva on your case. Mind you, I secretly think she's the one behind all those 'Teesside Tin Tin' things on YouTube.

Funny as flip, they are.

Hello MW

My thoughts?

Well, for a start I'm glad that Spain beat those cheating Dutch bastards.

Viva Espana (actually - if you translate that, it just means 'live in Spain' but that's besides the point.)

You wanna know what I think about the Raoul Moat thing?

Mixed feelings actually. I can sympathise with a cold, tired, bereft, desperate man completely losing it. I can to a degree understand what tipped him over the edge. But most people who get dumped don't go mental over it - they get pissed, or they lose themselves for a while.

I kind of think I understand how he must have felt, cornered on a riverbank, witha ll that hardware pointed at him.

I don't understand why he shot a man dead, discharging three cartridges, then shooting the woman he supposedly loved, twice.

I try to understand how PC Rathband must have felt, staring down the barrel of a gun when he was on traffic duty, just doing his job and he got shot in the face for it.

I don't buy into all this humanitarian bollocks about a poor man in a desperate situation - and the brother who suddenly springs out of the woodwork. I don't doubt that he's acting in good faith, but it's all a bit late now.

In my opinion: is it a valid Spoof subject? Fuck, yes. It's a human tragedy on many levels, and I reserve my venom for the media. The News Of The Screws were always going to have a camera on it.

It's a story.

My brother in law was a senior cop and a trained hostage negitiator, one of the first in the UK, if not the first. He prided himself on never losing a case. No loss of life.

The cops wouldn't have wanted him dead. Had that been the case, they could have taken him out early doors.

About the tasers? Who knows if they were fired before or after Moat pulled the trigger? If there's an armed suspect - no matter how seriously injured, with a weapon within reach, they're trained to incapacitate the suspect and remove the weapon.

Maybe the officer in charge thought it was time to bring the whole scenario to an end.

Who knows?

My Mrs was really upset about this - she felt that her brother would have handled it better.

I feel sorry for the kids.

Okay?

Regards (Always interesting to chat)

Skoob.

No right or wrong answers, Skoob. Just wanted to know what you were thinking.

Horrible things, human beings, aren't they?