Discussion Forum

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Quote: SPECTRUM

Anybody watching The Cheltenham Festival on channel 4.
That McCririck is a cheeky arrogant BASTARD he started moaning about some guy looking at the odds on a betting board just cause he could not get his fat arse in to see the odds.
I met McCririck a few years ago at York races he really is a real BASTARD.

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Is this thread about bastards, I know a few of them too? (too numerous to mention actually)

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Quote: Monkey Woods

JB, those people don't die, they just come and bother you whilst you are asleep. They appear as guest stars in your dreams, often doing things to you that you don't enjoy, such as chasing or scaring you. You don't know why you are running away or why you are scared, but you are.

You should desist from this practice now, and if you really do hate these people, you should go around to their houses and kill them instead.

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Ok. I'll do that then.

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Quote: Lady Godiva

Oh dear! J.B. you DO sound slightly miffed. Do you have someone 'real' you can talk to? Nasty lot of bastards you grew up with. No wonder you turned out the way you did.

It's not your fault. Take up squash and beat the dickens out of that ball. Worked for me when I was fit enough to run around a squash court. Just get some little photos of the bastards and glue them onto your balls.

Give it a try and let me know how it works out dear.

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Ok. I'll do that.

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Quote: Nae mair crap

Oh, my avatar is in hiding. It's not used to JB attacking all his fellow spoofers, masquerading as friends and acquaintances he never had. Can I be your friend JB? Can I soothe your sad ass brow for you and calm you down with my subo serenades?

We can listen to "Cry me a River" together? You cry I'll supply the hankies.


xxx

you are not alone

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Ok. Lets do that then.

PS: this myth about Jesus Budda 'attacking' other spoof writers is a bit old now. I'm actually very nice to the others. You should really see me when I'm bad. You would be a little scared. Toodle-pip.

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Quote: Jesus Budda

this myth about Jesus Budda 'attacking' other spoof writers is a bit old now. I'm actually very nice to the others. You should really see me when I'm bad. You would be a little scared. Toodle-pip.

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Now I've never heard that myth, why do I always miss out??

Anyhoo, back to topic......

My second wife, yeah bitch, you know who you are, bastard.

The kid at school who used to bully me, but then was employed by me to paint my offices when I was a Project Manager and you were a decorator, die cunt.

And my old General Manager, who drove me out of a job 10 years ago but is now looking for a job, but failed an interview with ME on the interview panel. HA HA HA PRICK

JB if you told them that to rub your tummy would bring good luck none of this would happen!

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Quote: birbee

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Quote: Jesus Budda

this myth about Jesus Budda 'attacking' other spoof writers is a bit old now. I'm actually very nice to the others. You should really see me when I'm bad. You would be a little scared. Toodle-pip.

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Now I've never heard that myth, why do I always miss out??

Anyhoo, back to topic......

My second wife, yeah bitch, you know who you are, bastard.

The kid at school who used to bully me, but then was employed by me to paint my offices when I was a Project Manager and you were a decorator, die cunt.

And my old General Manager, who drove me out of a job 10 years ago but is now looking for a job, but failed an interview with ME on the interview panel. HA HA HA PRICK

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Ah the stuff that dreams are made of but rarelyget to come to fruition - your are a lucky Birbee - I'm still waiting

There sure are a lot of BASTARDS in the World.

Seems that a lot of folk are getting a bit annoyed about that Tory Bastard David Cameron. The last Tory Bastard I came face to face with was Margaret Thatcher, when she visited Glasgow in the early 1970s. I told her to piss off out of Scotland, and four off her bastard bodyguards, appeared as quick as lightning. She did not stay long she was whisked away as quick as Usain Bolt winning the 100 metres.
Cameron might be a Bastard but so is Gordon the Bastard Brown
I despise these Labour Bastards. The last Labour MP I came face to face with was Robin Cook. I told the BASTARD to DIE and he did. LABOUR, TORY there all bastards can't wait to they come to my door at the General Election. The last one that did was A LABOUR BASTARD and I shoved his leaflet down his throat.
BASTARDS!!!!

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Quote: SPECTRUM

Seems that a lot of folk are getting a bit annoyed about that Tory Bastard David Cameron. The last Tory Bastard I came face to face with was Margaret Thatcher, when she visited Glasgow in the early 1970s. I told her to piss off out of Scotland, and four off her bastard bodyguards, appeared as quick as lightning. She did not stay long she was whisked away as quick as Usain Bolt winning the 100 metres.
Cameron might be a Bastard but so is Gordon the Bastard Brown
I despise these Labour Bastards. The last Labour MP I came face to face with was Robin Cook. I told the BASTARD to DIE and he did. LABOUR, TORY there all bastards can't wait to they come to my door at the General Election. The last one that did was A LABOUR BASTARD and I shoved his leaflet down his throat.
BASTARDS!!!!

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I would like to add an event to Bastard list, the Bastard Election, when my choice is between the one eyed monster and the webcam freak I just want whole Bastarding thing to go away, I think i'll vote for Ronald Regan

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Quote: Jude

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Quote: SPECTRUM

Seems that a lot of folk are getting a bit annoyed about that Tory Bastard David Cameron. The last Tory Bastard I came face to face with was Margaret Thatcher, when she visited Glasgow in the early 1970s. I told her to piss off out of Scotland, and four off her bastard bodyguards, appeared as quick as lightning. She did not stay long she was whisked away as quick as Usain Bolt winning the 100 metres.
Cameron might be a Bastard but so is Gordon the Bastard Brown
I despise these Labour Bastards. The last Labour MP I came face to face with was Robin Cook. I told the BASTARD to DIE and he did. LABOUR, TORY there all bastards can't wait to they come to my door at the General Election. The last one that did was A LABOUR BASTARD and I shoved his leaflet down his throat.
BASTARDS!!!!

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I would like to add an event to Bastard list, the Bastard Election, when my choice is between the one eyed monster and the webcam freak I just want whole Bastarding thing to go away, I think i'll vote for Ronald Regan

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Fellow Scots! The choice is obvious vote for that bastard Alex Salmond. Fellow spoofers! The surname is real but no fishy backhanders please! Jude you missed the "a" in the asshole actors surname.

Why don't we all agree that when ever a Labour or Tory Bastard
gives us a leaflet we tear it up and hand it back saying NAE MAIR CRAP YOU BASTARD.

This is a very aggressive topic and not very Christian in any way.
The 'b' word is wrong and should only be used when describing children who have no father. I often had bastard children serve mass for me.
But I must confess (well whats a religious man like I to do) that young Birbee's depiction of revenge was satisfying. I'm sure The Holy Bible allows moments like these and encourages them.
Amen.

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Quote: SPECTRUM

The last Labour MP I came face to face with was Robin Cook. I told the BASTARD to DIE and he did.

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Congratulations. It seems that this superstitious, voodoo-esque tripe of the false prophet Buddha does indeed work.

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Quote: SPECTRUM

Why don't we all agree that when ever a Labour or Tory Bastard
gives us a leaflet we tear it up and hand it back saying NAE MAIR CRAP YOU BASTARD.

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............but I've got a birth certificate, the original, father locomotive driver, mother brain surgeon, are you saying it's a spoof?

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Quote: Nae mair crap

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Quote: SPECTRUM

Why don't we all agree that when ever a Labour or Tory Bastard
gives us a leaflet we tear it up and hand it back saying NAE MAIR CRAP YOU BASTARD.

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............but I've got a birth certificate, the original, father locomotive driver, mother brain surgeon, are you saying it's a spoof?

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No No No Your supposed to say NAE MAIR CRAP to the BASTARD with the leaflet OK NAE MAIR CRAP.

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Quote: Lynton

JB if you told them that to rub your tummy would bring good luck none of this would happen!

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Maybe, Lynton. Maybe.
Maybe I'm just perceived as aggressive and argumentative(I am).

Some more BASTARDS:

D**** H******: you stole that thing from my BMX and I had to chase you around on a little kids bike, all the way up and down those hills, you bastard. But I caught you, you cunt, even though your were at least 10 years older than me. I hope you fucking die, you big nosed, rat-faced prick, cocksucker.

R****** B****: You fucking midget. Trying to be hip with the kids, eh? Well I bet you were a fucking paedo, you motherfucker. I wish E**** C****** had kicked the shit out of you. But he didn't. And that pissed you off even more. I'll metaphorically piss on your grave when you die.

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Quote: SPECTRUM

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Quote: Nae mair crap

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Quote: SPECTRUM

Why don't we all agree that when ever a Labour or Tory Bastard
gives us a leaflet we tear it up and hand it back saying NAE MAIR CRAP YOU BASTARD.

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............but I've got a birth certificate, the original, father locomotive driver, mother brain surgeon, are you saying it's a spoof?

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No No No Your supposed to say NAE MAIR CRAP to the BASTARD with the leaflet OK NAE MAIR CRAP.

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ah, you're to good too me English isn't not my furst language, sorry

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Quote: Jude
I would like to add an event to Bastard list, the Bastard Election, when my choice is between the one eyed monster and the webcam freak I just want whole Bastarding thing to go away, I think i'll vote for Ronald Regan

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Right, I've seen a lot of you around lately.
I've decided its time we became lovers.
It's only natural and fair.
We have so much in common its....surreal.

I warned you all

Hello, Jaggedone. Know any BASTARDS?

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Quote: Nae mair crap

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Quote: SPECTRUM

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Quote: Nae mair crap

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Quote: SPECTRUM

Why don't we all agree that when ever a Labour or Tory Bastard
gives us a leaflet we tear it up and hand it back saying NAE MAIR CRAP YOU BASTARD.

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............but I've got a birth certificate, the original, father locomotive driver, mother brain surgeon, are you saying it's a spoof?

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No No No Your supposed to say NAE MAIR CRAP to the BASTARD with the leaflet OK NAE MAIR CRAP.

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ah, you're to good too me English isn't not my furst language, sorry

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Hi Nae Mair Crap Dae yi speak Parliamo Glesga.

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Quote: Jesus Budda

Hello, Jaggedone. Know any BASTARDS?

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A few million, the list is endless, but JB, you're not on my list, your'e just you.........

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Quote: SPECTRUM

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Quote: Nae mair crap

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Quote: SPECTRUM

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Quote: Nae mair crap

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Quote: SPECTRUM

Why don't we all agree that when ever a Labour or Tory Bastard
gives us a leaflet we tear it up and hand it back saying NAE MAIR CRAP YOU BASTARD.

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............but I've got a birth certificate, the original, father locomotive driver, mother brain surgeon, are you saying it's a spoof?

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No No No Your supposed to say NAE MAIR CRAP to the BASTARD with the leaflet OK NAE MAIR CRAP.

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ah, you're to good too me English isn't not my furst language, sorry

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Hi Nae Mair Crap Dae yi speak Parliamo Glesga.

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Ah'm no' fluent yit. Ma furst language is Dundonian, ye ken, doon the toon fer a pint en' a peh but ma erarichtperopersthir is no bad.

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Quote: Nae mair crap

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Quote: SPECTRUM

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Quote: Nae mair crap

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Quote: SPECTRUM

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Quote: Nae mair crap

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Quote: SPECTRUM

Why don't we all agree that when ever a Labour or Tory Bastard
gives us a leaflet we tear it up and hand it back saying NAE MAIR CRAP YOU BASTARD.

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............but I've got a birth certificate, the original, father locomotive driver, mother brain surgeon, are you saying it's a spoof?

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No No No Your supposed to say NAE MAIR CRAP to the BASTARD with the leaflet OK NAE MAIR CRAP.

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ah, you're to good too me English isn't not my furst language, sorry

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Hi Nae Mair Crap Dae yi speak Parliamo Glesga.

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Ah'm no' fluent yit. Ma furst language is Dundonian, ye ken, doon the toon fer a pint en' a peh but ma erarichtperopersthir is no bad.

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Up with the Bonnets oh Bonnie Dundee.