Discussion Forum

---

Quote: Lynton

Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?

---

It's just a habit.

---

Quote: Fergus McCarthy

---

Quote: Lynton

Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?

---

It's just a habit.

---

No, thats what a Nun pulls out of a rat
One to me I think

OK, Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?

According to the Wikipedia page I'm adding in five minutes, the real reason is that needles are sold sterilised, and they cannot re-use a needle due to a federal law prohibiting needle reuse in case the soul of the previous person jumps into the current inmate and lets the devil loose in the world.

Superman ducks at thrown guns because while his chest is bullet proof, due to an allergy, he would come out in unsightly green lumps should iron touch his head hair. It wouldn't kill him, but it would break his Clark Kent cover.

Why do so many people in the Superman story have initials beginning with L; Lex Luthor, Lois Lane, Linda Luscadi....

Iain

---

Quote: Lynton

By the way has any one come across the latest edition of Rogers Profanisaurus? It had me in stitches from the first page.

Its by the writers of Viz for those who don't know and for the yanks it opens a door into the mysteries of idiomatic English as she is really spoke by the common man.

I found one copy but I gave it to my Bro for Xmas (don't tell him) so I'll just have to borrow it back.

---

Lynton

I posted my copy to Abel.

Agreed, it's brilliant.

And if you log on to the Viz website it has Peter Cook doing Roger Mellie.

Priceless.

Example:

Dancing Bear : A big turd that stands up vertically in the pan. And refuses to move until you hit it with a stick.

Soapy tit-wank- self explanatory.

I don't buy Viz any more.

The Spoof is way better.

Regards

Skoob

---

Quote: Lynton

---

Quote: Fergus McCarthy

---

Quote: Lynton

Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?

---

It's just a habit.

---

"No, thats what a Nun pulls out of a rat" One to me I think

---

I don't get that one.

---

Quote: IainB

According to the Wikipedia page I'm adding in five minutes, the real reason is that needles are sold sterilised, and they cannot re-use a needle due to a federal law prohibiting needle reuse in case the soul of the previous person jumps into the current inmate and lets the devil loose in the world.


Iain

---

lol

ferg ferg ferg if I had mentioned a conjuring trick would it have made it easier. Spoonerism Rabbit Hat/ Habit Rat
So I got them the wrong way round pull rat out of habit perhaps more sensible

---

Quote: Fergus McCarthy

---

Quote: Lynton

---

Quote: Fergus McCarthy

---

Quote: Lynton

Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?

---

It's just a habit.

---

"No, thats what a Nun pulls out of a rat" One to me I think

---

I don't get that one.

---

OK but why do they have to use a new one each time wolfy? They could use them tll they crusted over but they don't.

Here's another one

Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?

(Do not mention statistics or alcohol) your time starts now

---

Quote: JohnWolf21

---

Quote: IainB

According to the Wikipedia page I'm adding in five minutes, the real reason is that needles are sold sterilised, and they cannot re-use a needle due to a federal law prohibiting needle reuse in case the soul of the previous person jumps into the current inmate and lets the devil loose in the world.


Iain

---

lol

---

Hey,

This isn't Twitter

Save your LOL's your ROTFL's for your texty mates.

We're all old codgers here.

We don't want to know about that shit.

Welcome to the Spoof.

Regards

Skoob.

---

Quote: Lynton

ferg ferg ferg if I had mentioned a conjuring trick would it have made it easier. Spoonerism Rabbit Hat/ Habit Rat
So I got them the wrong way round pull rat out of habit perhaps more sensible



Terrible Lynton.
Did anyone else get it?

---

Quote: Fergus McCarthy

---

Quote: Lynton

ferg ferg ferg if I had mentioned a conjuring trick would it have made it easier. Spoonerism Rabbit Hat/ Habit Rat
So I got them the wrong way round pull rat out of habit perhaps more sensible



Terrible Lynton.
Did anyone else get it?

---

I'm afraid not your holyness

How about a soul full of hope and a hole full of soap?

You'll notice it's not the ones who do the shopping that constantly return to the fridge....

They're hopeful that the one who *does* do the shopping has now returned and placed a large meat and potato pie on the middle shelf to replace the one you ate 20 minutes ago, and to fill the trifle shaped hole with a new trifle. Or gateaux, if that's the only thing available.

Or......

They're trying to catch the light elf napping, and see if he forgets to turn the light on when they open the door.

Iain

In the absnce of a better answer OK

When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping cart then apologizes for doing so, why do we say, "It's all right?"
Well, it isn't all right, so why don't we say, "That hurt, you stupid idiot?"

---

Quote: IainB

You'll notice it's not the ones who do the shopping that constantly return to the fridge....

They're hopeful that the one who *does* do the shopping has now returned and placed a large meat and potato pie on the middle shelf to replace the one you ate 20 minutes ago, and to fill the trifle shaped hole with a new trifle. Or gateaux, if that's the only thing available.

Or......

They're trying to catch the light elf napping, and see if he forgets to turn the light on when they open the door.

Iain

---

just checking the vegetable bin to see if the stew is ready....

=applies upper lip stiffening cream=

It is because, dear Lynton, we are British! We shall not let the enemy shopper know we are mortally wounded, and will be unable to reach that bargain ahead of them. Therefore we lie and tell them we are just dandy, thank you very much.

=applies American Litigation Cream=

Say you're alrite? are you mad? tell 'em they'll be hearing from yer lawyer as yer now incapable of walking!

=applies French Gallic Shrug cream=

So, they ram me in the ankle, sie la vie, it means I can relax and drink another fine red while I wait for the swelling to go down. Garçon!

=applies Australian Revenge cream=

Tell 'em yer bonza, and as they're reachin up for another tinny, clip the back of their heels with yer own trolly. No worries, mate.

=applies Iraqi Huh? cream=
You go shopping? Send your woman! That way, no more bashed ankles.

Iain

20/10 for that onealthough the gallic shrug cream is not quite right

My experience is the bastards blam you for getting in the way. Never try complaining in france it is like water of a duck's back. I've yet to find a really good insult that gets to them, sarcasm and irony have no effect. Although hen some bloke made a comment about me chatting with my son during and english film showing here, I did tell him he should get on and read the french subtitles if he wanted to learn english.

Cultural differences:

Man walks down the street slips on a banana skin

English - Laugh take photo on phone make sure he's alright see him onhis way and piss themselves about it all day telling every one of their mates sending the photo by text

German - Laugh if he breaks his head open

Italians - Laugh if he splits his pants and shows his arse

Swiss - Laugh if he loses his wallet and then go pick him
up and put hm in the litter bin

Belgian - Ask 'what happened? pass the frites and mayonnaise'

Swede - Say 'much snow in sveden ve always slipping over are - not very fucking funny'

French - Have a discussion about the artistic qualities of the fall and its place in modern existentialism and other philosophical merits and demerits of it while lazily quaffing a glass of red with some silent skinny girl who looks just like Jane Birkin who only asks 'was that Godot'only to be moodily ignored while the bloke lights up another Gauloise as the camera pans out to reveal just another frosty Parisian day while the world goes by ignorant of the important concepts being discussed but in the distance a Gendarme can be seen being followed by a lobster, the only coloured onbject in an otherwise monchrome scene.

I was once in a bar in Cherbourg (it's always a bar) and a Frenchman sat at the next table, with two pints of Kronenburg, which he proceded to attack with great zeal.

I asked him, in French if he was having "woman" trouble.

He said that he was.

Looking at the two pints of beer, I told him "It is not the solution."

He shrugged and said - "But it's good."

No arguing with that really.

We went on to chat for about an hour.

He spoke no English, and my command of French is pretty limited, but we muddled through, and everybody ended up smiling.

Another French escapade occurred in Paris. The wife and I were starving hungry, so we went into a restaurant by the Ecole Militaire, near the Eiffel Tower.

I asked the waiter:

"Excusez mois monsieur. Avez vous un table pour deux a la moment?"

All smiles, he escorted the wife and I to a table.

Seated nearby were an American guy and his sister. The guy obviously understood French, because he was translating the menu for his sister.

When it came time to order, I ordered in French, as best I could. The American guy insisted in ordering in English.

The difference in service, by the same waiter, was unbelievable. He was the epitome of courtesy to the wife and I, but he almost threw the plates at the American pair, and treated them so contemptuously that it almost became embarrassing.

I'd been aware that Parisians have a reputation for being rude, but I'd never encountered it until then. Thank God it wasn't directed at us.

Regards

Skoob

They at least like you to have a try - it makes them feel superior when they have to correct you - you then get the pity this poor Brit treatment - rather like beig served by a nurse in an ld people's home.


In Switzerland once I hadn't got change for the parking meter. Having only a note on me I went meekly into a paper shop and asked as you would tentatively, not wanting to get chewed out for presentig a note just to get 20ct

"You wouldn't by any chance have change for the meter?"

"Not by chance MMonsieur" said she

"Only sometimes in other countries.. you know its.."

"But monsieur you are not in other countries, you are in Switzerland, here we hve everything and we are very thankful for it"

She picked up my note checked it against the light and gave me the change

I said

"But one thing they do do in other countries is trust you not t give them counterfeit notes"


Anothr time I gave some old biddy at a stall a screwed up note and she told me off for treating the national currency like that!

In south america the notes are in circulation for so long it's difficult to tell the deomination they're so filthy.