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Slightly off your current topic, but this belongs in this thread anyway, for the sheer 'madness' of it.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/asia-pacific/8026865.stm

It's the kind of thing that, unfortunately, runs through my hair-brain every day, as an idea for a Spoof, but this one is true, apparently.

Makes you realise how Truth and Spoof can be become confused...

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Quote: Monkey Woods

Slightly off your current topic, but this belongs in this thread anyway, for the sheer 'madness' of it.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/asia-pacific/8026865.stm

It's the kind of thing that, unfortunately, runs through my hair-brain every day, as an idea for a Spoof, but this one is true, apparently.

Makes you realise how Truth and Spoof can be become confused...

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It was a serious story, but I believe it was written with levity. For that reason I couldn't stop laughing.


The story was written in order to obviously raise laughs via the headline and the first few paragraphs, which is a typical journalist technique.



At the Spoof we know a ludicrous headline grabs the attention as do the paid journalists. Hence there is melding of ficion and reality,which is almost impossble to seperate.

Phil, you've gone 'all weird' since you came back.

What happened to you whilst you were away?

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Quote: Monkey Woods

Phil, you've gone 'all weird' since you came back.

What happened to you whilst you were away?

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Apparently, he fell in love with "The Obamanation."

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Quote: Jalapenoman

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Quote: Monkey Woods

Phil, you've gone 'all weird' since you came back.

What happened to you whilst you were away?

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Apparently, he fell in love with "The Obamanation."

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Not at all I don't have to fall in love with anyone or anything to be objective. I am undecided on Obama - he was also president when left.


I don't understand what you mean "weird" Monkey, as I always thought I have always been really fucked up.

Weird = speaking in tongues

Weird = psychotic

Weird= aggressive

Weird= Charles Manson

Weird = Michael Jackson

Weird = Pee-wee Herman

Weird = Tiny Tim

Weird = Maggie Thatcher

Weird = David Blane

Weird = Jesus Budda

Weird = Kenneth Williams

Weird = Sherlock Holmes on heroin, with no sleep trying to solve case.


Anyone of these weird? Or am an amalgamation

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Quote: Phil Edgar's Bones


I am a poster on various websites and to be honest I am not shocked, but disappointed to see the amount of racial abuse Obama actually gets.

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Good Lord!
You are a fucking tool!


Monkey Woods, You should see my long elegant fingers bashing away furiously on the keyboard - it's a joy to behold!


Back to Phil and his pointless blathering:
I agree with you on the Obama racism stuff. Terrible.
But all politicians are pricks and he's one so he's gotta take a kicking.

And I have noticed a slight change in your demeanor, Philly.
You are more radical.
Did you buy a beret?

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Quote: Jalapenoman

He will turn this country into the bankrupted socialist state he wants and leave us open to further and stronger terrorist attack.

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Terrorist attacks?
From where?

I'm being serious here for a change.

Is New Mexico a hotbed of terrorism?

Could be from within.

Couldn't it?

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Quote: Monkey Woods

Could be from within.

Couldn't it?

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I suppose it could. Like a flu, ya mean?

I wonder how many small towns have been attacked by terrorists?
How many times have you been attacked by terrorists, Monkey?
Once, twice, thrice?

I got stung by a wasp once. Could that have been a terrorist?


I don't get the terrorist attack thing? Do you?

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Quote: Jesus Budda

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Quote: Phil Edgar's Bones


I am a poster on various websites and to be honest I am not shocked, but disappointed to see the amount of racial abuse Obama actually gets.

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Good Lord!
You are a fucking tool!


Monkey Woods, You should see my long elegant fingers bashing away furiously on the keyboard - it's a joy to behold!


Back to Phil and his pointless blathering:
I agree with you on the Obama racism stuff. Terrible.
But all politicians are pricks and he's one so he's gotta take a kicking.

And I have noticed a slight change in your demeanor, Philly.
You are more radical.
Did you buy a beret?

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I agree... I would be a fucking tool if I posted on your website, but I would be a cunting lunatic if I wrote it.


Radical am I, with stories like Susan Boyle has bad hair and Phil Spector also has bad hair. You friggin demented Chelsea pensioner.

I bet you are pissing yourself because the Beatles have long hair. Which is a welcome relief to you just pissin yourself, due to prostrate and sphincter disorders.



I have mellowed with old age and anyone who says different is a jesus budda.

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Quote: Phil Edgar's Bones

I agree... I would be a fucking tool if I posted on your website, but I would be a cunting lunatic if I wrote it.


Radical am I, with stories like Susan Boyle has bad hair and Phil Spector also has bad hair. You friggin demented Chelsea pensioner.

I bet you are pissing yourself because the Beatles have long hair. Which is a welcome relief to you just pissin yourself, due to prostrate and sphincter disorders.



I have mellowed with old age and anyone who says different is a jesus budda.

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Oh dear, oh dear....

Phil, why wold you possibly think that I am 300 years old like you?
Why in all things good and holy would you think I have prostate or sphincter problems?

And even if I was a 300 year old with prostrate and sphincter problems how do you believe you would make me feel?

That's insulting, Phil.
And it's insulting to the other writers and readers on here with similar ailments.
People die from these things, Phil.
Real, human beings.
And the ones that don't die live painful lives. Are you mocking their suffering too just so you can feel like you're able to spar verbally with a wonderful person such as myself?

How petty, you lovable shriveled up anal sack.


You come in here making accusations that 'people' believe that the Spoof's stories are real and then interrupt me and Monkey Woods discussing imaginary terrorism!
How dare you!

For a man who had 8 ribs removed surgically, purely so that he could suck off his own cobwebbed penis, you Phil Edgar's Bones should have a bit more class with your feeble replies.

Happy smiles,

Jesus H Budda II

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Quote: Jesus Budda

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Quote: Phil Edgar's Bones

I agree... I would be a fucking tool if I posted on your website, but I would be a cunting lunatic if I wrote it.


Radical am I, with stories like Susan Boyle has bad hair and Phil Spector also has bad hair. You friggin demented Chelsea pensioner.

I bet you are pissing yourself because the Beatles have long hair. Which is a welcome relief to you just pissin yourself, due to prostrate and sphincter disorders.



I have mellowed with old age and anyone who says different is a jesus budda.

---

Oh dear, oh dear....

Phil, why wold you possibly think that I am 300 years old like you?
Why in all things good and holy would you think I have prostate or sphincter problems?

And even if I was a 300 year old with prostrate and sphincter problems how do you believe you would make me feel?

That's insulting, Phil.
And it's insulting to the other writers and readers on here with similar ailments.
People die from these things, Phil.
Real, human beings.
And the ones that don't die live painful lives. Are you mocking their suffering too just so you can feel like you're able to spar verbally with a wonderful person such as myself?

How petty, you lovable shriveled up anal sack.


You come in here making accusations that 'people' believe that the Spoof's stories are real and then interrupt me and Monkey Woods discussing imaginary terrorism!
How dare you!

For a man who had 8 ribs removed surgically, purely so that he could suck off his own cobwebbed penis, you Phil Edgar's Bones should have a bit more class with your feeble replies.

Happy smiles,

Jesus H Budda II

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What a bunch of watery turd shit you talk. Whatever dog-shit, you have just written I had previously cited, but in an eloquent,joccular, clear and concise -non shit way. Anyone who says otherwise is.... you.

You keep missing posts and then rambling to yourself, it is almost painful to read,but I do anyway because I like to see you doddering about.


On a lighter and un-related note, you have a shrivelled up penis because you are a 'tight-fisted wanker'.

I would have made a donation to your webste, but I was overcome by blind hatred and decided I would much prefer to hang you by your knackers on some meat hooks ( pensioner meat hooks).

I have done all the pensioner anecdotes earlier, but your dim eyes and mind are missing everything.



On a darker note; How are you? Keeping well? Not heard from you in a while, give my love to the bodies underneath your floorboards.


By the way why am I assuming you are a man? I never assume. Because you sound like a lady to me. Not meant as an insult but you don't seem male. If you are you must be incredibly fruity. I don't actually care, you could be a horse to be honest,unless you are a bad horse like the one that killed Kenneth Pinyan, through horse loving. I dont speak to bad horses.


It is an observation..... that is all you cunt/dickhead/tosser/minge/spunk-breath/ (cover all grounds)


Ta Ta


Love and Hugs and Karate chops!

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Quote: Jesus Budda

How many times have you been attacked by terrorists, Monkey?
Once, twice, thrice?

I got stung by a wasp once. Could that have been a terrorist?


I don't get the terrorist attack thing? Do you?

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No, I don't. They are on a hiding to nothing, if you ask me. If you're not asking me, well, that's different, but they're still on a hiding to nothing. You see, that clap-trap about what happens after someone has martyred himself/herself just doesn't stand up somehow. I researched this very complex issue for a story I was writing, and I found it to be a very complex issue. So complex, in fact, that I couldn't understand it, and therefore, made fun of it, which is what I normally do.

If you can't understand something, hedge your bets - make fun of it.

Anyway, if a woman martyrs herself, does she get to enjoy the services of 72 virgin youths? I think not, Mohammed! The idea of women being equal to men (as in, women as well as men being able to 'die for the cause') probably didn't occur to old Mo. In those days, women were good for one thing, and one thing only. And after mucking out the camel, a woman probably had to suck her husband's cock, and then get on with the ironing, or whatever they used to do in those days.

Anyway, like you said, wasps are buggers, aren't they? Did you say it? Who said it? Am I hearing things?

Phil, you're just babbling again. Goo goo gaa gaaa, baby want bottle kinda shit.
Fuck off and die.
Die roaring.

I truly like you and I understand you find that hard to believe because of your giant hydrocephalus head full of water which is coating your tiny, pea-sized brain which can barely control basic movements such as rectal twitching and eyebrow raising.
But I do. Like you, that is.



Now to Monkey Woods:
Wasps are bastards, aren't they. Fucking White Anglo Saxon protestant bastards.
It's them that I blame for the shit with terrorism.
And others.


8 years ago, Monkey. 8 years!
Can you remember all the bad things that happened to you in your area? How's it now? You got over it, didn't you?
You never caught those kids that kicked your cat and tied them to a tyre and set them on fire. Of course not. They are much too fast.
But if you did and had killed them in a horrible way, you probably would feel a little guilty about it now and feel that you'd maybe overreacted a little bit. Just a teensy, tiny little icky bitty bit.

Do you like Germans, Monkey.
Let me rephrase that: can you tolerate Germans, Monkey?
You can, can't ya?
harmless when they travel as backpackers and the women wear little John Lennon spectacles and look like horses and the men are all called Uder or Hans or Gunther and wear shorts even when it's raining.
They cause no trouble for anyone nowadays.
They got over the war(s) very quickly. No body wants to kill Germans anymore. Well, not too many anyways.

Surely Muslims can be the same?



A wasp is a bastard but a fly is much worse. I fucking hate flies.



PS: I'll give you time to change.

It's a sad state of affairs.

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Quote: Fergus McCarthy

It's a sad state of affairs.

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It is, it is. Terrible indeed.

Shocking.

I don't like flies, but Germans are alright.

Mostly.

Did I ever tell you about the time I went to Germany? No, well I can't be bothered now, either. I'm off to cut the grass. It's almost knee-deep. I like to leave it long, so that, when I cut it, I'm really getting my money's worth.

First, I have to get my cricket bat though, because I always seem to attract the attention of wasps when I'm cutting the grass. They must like the aroma of freshly-cut grass.

Thing is, when I cut my grass, I always find some dog shit. Pesky dogs get into the garden, and use it as if it's a toilet. Bastards! What should I do if I find a misplaced dog turd on my 'lawn'? I'll tell you what I do - I cut the bastard! You've got to be careful though, or else it could end up all over your face, and then you'd look extremely silly, especially if the neighbours are out in their garden having a picnic.

I suppose I could always launch it over the fence onto their picnic...

The cricket bat is to despatch the wasps into their next plane of existence, by means of a 'hook shot' or, more likely, a 'cover drive'.

See you later. You cunt.

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Quote: Jesus Budda

Phil, you're just babbling again. Goo goo gaa gaaa, baby want bottle kinda shit.
Fuck off and die.
Die roaring.

I truly like you and I understand you find that hard to believe because of your giant hydrocephalus head full of water which is coating your tiny, pea-sized brain which can barely control basic movements such as rectal twitching and eyebrow raising.
But I do. Like you, that is.



Now to Monkey Woods:
Wasps are bastards, aren't they. Fucking White Anglo Saxon protestant bastards.
It's them that I blame for the shit with terrorism.
And others.


8 years ago, Monkey. 8 years!
Can you remember all the bad things that happened to you in your area? How's it now? You got over it, didn't you?
You never caught those kids that kicked your cat and tied them to a tyre and set them on fire. Of course not. They are much too fast.
But if you did and had killed them in a horrible way, you probably would feel a little guilty about it now and feel that you'd maybe overreacted a little bit. Just a teensy, tiny little icky bitty bit.

Do you like Germans, Monkey.
Let me rephrase that: can you tolerate Germans, Monkey?
You can, can't ya?
harmless when they travel as backpackers and the women wear little John Lennon spectacles and look like horses and the men are all called Uder or Hans or Gunther and wear shorts even when it's raining.
They cause no trouble for anyone nowadays.
They got over the war(s) very quickly. No body wants to kill Germans anymore. Well, not too many anyways.

Surely Muslims can be the same?



A wasp is a bastard but a fly is much worse. I fucking hate flies.



PS: I'll give you time to change.

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That was so rubbish Budda


Budda I would like to take this opportunity to ask for your hand in marriage.


The rest of you can fuck off, I will however join in a union with your big man's hand or little ladies hand. I do not care even if it looks like Susan Boyle's hand, which is a remarkably sexy hand. Have you seen her hand?


Anyway I am the first to ask you. Madame Bitters or Monkey Woods can have the rest of your body, but the hand is mine and I want the left hand thank you.


I will put 50p in your paypal account so you can make it look pretty for me- nothing special ,no warts or liverspots or broken nails.


I like how you talk shit and people listen to.


"Ohh Bodyform shaped for confidence, shaped for youuuuuuuu!"

Getting back to the original topic:

Don't Forget About IN SEINE - He's A National Treasure!

Everyone give him 5 stars, he deserves it.

Don't give me any though. Horrible things.

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Quote: Monkey Woods

Getting back to the original topic:

Don't Forget About IN SEINE - He's A National Treasure!

Everyone give him 5 stars, he deserves it.

Don't give me any though. Horrible things.

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I don't wont to give him any stars for his story due to my new militant behaviour, but I will definitely put him in the big book of people not to execute when I take over the world. Jesus Budda only has two followers and one of them is his shadow.


Back to the theme - stealing ideas is common place, hence many organisations used to make candidates for non -existant jobs, go through days of presentations in the hope of gaining a job, then steal their ideas and tell everyone but the bosses son to fuck off. Now they have the internet it cuts out the need to pointlessly interview people.


I have just written a story about Kirstie Allie who is a damn fine looking woman, but now she looks like Jabba .


I used my "Eye Candy to John Candy" pun.I am hoping Perez Hilton steals it and claims it as his own. I am betting he will or he may just opt for "From Beauty to the Beast'


I really like Kirstie Allie she seems to be one of the few people in Hollywood that appears to be genuine.When I say Hollywood I mean the world. But she did advertise for that diet organisation, which clearly was balls so I am vindicated from feeling guilty.


I only wrote the story because I am a vile shit and it will get an easy thousand views in a day. I am going straight to hell. I have the appropriate clothing.


Mr Seine should demand a cut of the supermarket's profits alternatively he should start shoplifting there - claiming what is his over a period of years.


He can use the Spoof as defence if and when caught. I would vouch for him, but I am also a known felon, so I would only sabotage his case.

What's the crux of the argument?

I've always wanted to say that word - 'crux.
And now I have.


Whats the 'issue'?
Whats going down?