Discussion Forum

Time for more time traveling adventures:

NOVEMBER 27


Today - Added latest installment of O' Halloran: Murder with a capital Punishment.

399 - St Anastasius I begins his reign as Catholic Pope. Nice chap. Great tits. Loved singing. And wearing glasses. Nice blonde hair too. Friend of Elton John.


1095 - Pope Urban II preaches 1st Crusade. The bastard! See the mess he made? The cheek of him.

1582 - William Shakespeare marries Anne Hathaway. Very attractive actress. Amazing tits, but a slightly freaky smile and eyes. But the mystery is really: was Shakespeare a 'he' or a 'she' or an 'it'? My luscious lips are sealed.

1826 - John Walker invents friction match in England. That was useful. Good man, John. It's good to invent useful stuff like that. The man should be commended. If only he were alive so that I could give him a hug...

1885 - Earliest photograph of a meteor shower made. Not as impressive as John's friction match. Sorry. It's just not up to the standard required.

1895 - Alfred Nobel establishes Nobel Prize. Little did I know it would turn out to be a really shitty media event where pointless stuff is celebrated just so some stupid fuckers can get funding for the research into the smell of testicles and awarding random people who haven't achieved anything. Bastards!

1912 - Albanian National Flag adopted. Never liked that flag. Wouldn't have chosen that myself. Too creepy. Lose the red and replace it with a nice orange, oh, and scrap that bit scary bird too. Go with a parrot instead. A parrot on a pirates shoulder. That's a flag I'd like to see hoisted at the Olympic games. Not that Albania is gonna win anything. Poor bastards.

1966 - Uruguay adopts constitution. Ah well, at least he found a nice home with some caring parents...


1970 - Pope Paul VI wounded in chest during a visit to Philippines by a dagger-wielding Bolivian painter disguised as a priest. Must try harder next time, son.

2004 - Pope John Paul II returned the relics of Saint John Chrysostom to the Eastern Orthodox Church.
The question begs to be answered: what the fuck was he doing with them in his bedroom anyways???



And that, as they say in Albania, is that.

NOVEMBER 28



Today - Added another installment of O' Halloran. Something dramatic happens in this chapter (about fucking time)

Completed all the Christmas shopping. When I say 'ALL' I mean all my Christmas Shopping - not yours. I haven't done yours yet.
What would you like for Christmas?
Not that I'm gonna buy it for you. Probably won't get you anything.


Fuck all happened in history.
Actually thats a lie. I just couldn't be bothered looking up any shit.
And I don't care.

I looked into the agrden the other night and what did I see staring up at me with red eyes? No, not Old Man Wilson....it was instead a mink.
What was a mink doing out and about in the garden, eh?
A mink!
I've never seen a mink before in my life.
He was pure white and liked sniffing about a lot. He seemed very tame and didn't seem all that bothered when I poured several large pots of water on his head.

Anyone missing a mink. If you are then privately contact me and I can arrange it's safe return (ransom amount negotiable)

You're lucky.

My garden fence blew down in the storm two weeks ago, and I found a Moose in my argden(sic)

The Moose had blonde hair and big saggy tits. As the garden fence on that side is the Moose's responsibility, I left the Moose to it, with an offer of assistance in repair work because I don't need to be seeing big floppy blonde tits around my garden.

Fence still down.

Bastards.

Lazy idle irresponsible bastards.

Sorry to hear about the moose and the argden fence, Skooby Doo.

You're not missing a mink are you? Looks a bit like a skinny white rat with glow in the dark red eyes.


Speaking of rats/mice: I've been plugging in a few different mice these past few days. Laser ones, optical ones, real ones. All dodgy as hell.
Keyboards got a mind of its own too(hence 'argden').

One of these days I'll sort him out. You haven;t heard the last of me, computer.

I really need to get this mink situation sorted.
Someone out there is missing a mink and they must be very worried. I want to help. I really, really do.
I can help.

It would be a big help if you could take my saggy breasted blonde neighbour on a one way trip to Siberia.

This bitch slaps slappers.

Can't help with the mink thing.

Unless you want to borrow the cat.

Regards

Swine Flu Skoob.

JB: It seems that JO has flounced off in a huff.

Next thing you know, you'll come home and find your mink being boiled on the stove.

Why don't you adopt the mink? Name him Gulliver.

---

Quote: Madame Bitters

JB: It seems that JO has flounced off in a huff.

Next thing you know, you'll come home and find your mink being boiled on the stove.

Why don't you adopt the mink? Name him Gulliver.

---

MB, not to worry, I huffed and I puffed and I blew his house down, beware of the Wolf Grandma!

---

Quote: Madame Bitters

JB: It seems that JO has flounced off in a huff.

Next thing you know, you'll come home and find your mink being boiled on the stove.

Why don't you adopt the mink? Name him Gulliver.

---

Madame, ?
??????????
?????????????????

?


Skoob, this big breasted slapper you speak of who slaps slappers.....is she female?
And young? Not a child, no, no, no...I'm not a priest, you know!
But I mean...of my age (depends really on what age people think Jesus Budda is)?

No offense, Skoob, but you are an old codger and it's a well known fact ath old codgers live near other old codgers. I don't want anything to do with the woman unless she is not an old codger of the female kind.
I'll take her off your hands (and away from your house) if she's young and clean. No dirty ladies thank you very much.


Jaggedone, how are you? I mean...'mentally'?
Unstable, eh?
Don't worry, it's nearly Chrsitmas and love is in the air and all that.
Actually thats Valentines Day. Never liked that. Fuck you Cupid.
Anyway, Merry Christmas to you and everyone you know or knew throughout your life.

In fact, Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night, my dears.

The mink has not been seen for several days now. He has vanished. I am posting a new picture of the white mink and all enquiries can be made c/o Jesus Budda, thespoof.com, Internet.


Uploading new image of mink right now.
Please get in touch if you know of or are the owner of this creature.

You mentioned that you added A couple of chapters to the Psychotown sequel a few comments ago. Where are they?

Were you lying about that? Are you a liar, JB?

Is there even a mink or was that a damn, dirty lie too?

Liar

MB

Everybody knows that JB is a compulsive liar.

Also that he suffers from Multiple Personality Disorder.

But he is very amusing.

The multiple personality mink-napping bastard!

And that's what counts

Regards

Swine Flu Skoob.

To JB re neighbour.

Doubt you'd be smitten.

Beware of the folds.

Nasty stuff lurks in folds.

Trust me. I'm an old codger. Old codgers know these things.

Regards

Swine Flu Skoob The Anti Social Neighbour Hating Old Codger Bastard.

---

Quote: Skoob1999

MB

Everybody knows that JB is a compulsive liar.
Also that he suffers from Multiple Personality Disorder.
But he is very amusing.
The multiple personality mink-napping bastard!

And that's what counts

Regards

Swine Flu Skoob.

---

That may be true, Skoob- but I'd like to know what's going on in Psychotown and O'Halloran. And female robo cop.

And what about the wanking?

I NEED to know!

He's killed female robocop.
36 DD.

Nothing wrong with wanking.

A truly honourable pursuit.

Much more fun when a lady does it for you.

I could go on but won't as it may lean towards hard core pornography.

Honestly...what are you reprobates like?

Regards

Swine Flu Skoob The Compulsive Wanker

---

Quote: Madame Bitters

That may be true, Skoob- but I'd like to know what's going on in Psychotown and O'Halloran. And female robo cop.

And what about the wanking?

I NEED to know!

---

Madame, here's what wanking you've missed so far:

O' Halloran - Murder with a Capital Punishment Part 1


O' Halloran - Murder with a Capital Punishment Part 2

O' Halloran - Murder with a Capital Punishment Part 3


O' Halloran - Murder with a Capital Punishment Part 4


O' Halloran - Murder with a Capital Punishment Part 5


More chapters to follow (unfortunately)...

Skoob and Fergus, I agree totally with everything.
Everything!

EVERYTHING!!!!!!!

Skoob, I'd love to play the Trivia game but I am forbidden to leave the sanctuary of this thread and the Monkey woods/Jesus Budda thread.


Cruel world...

Me too JB

Absolutely.

Have read and enjoyed a couple of your O'Halloran Psychotown episodes and enjoyed them.

Not a patch on 'Below Decks' 'Bordello Falls' or the absolutely top notch 'Inbred Mutant Hoody Zombie Teen Stalk 'N' Slash Massacre' by some chappie named Skooby Doo.

But that's life.

Regards

Swine Flu Skoob.

Obviously the wine flu has affected your brain....

Seriously JB

Read the 'Inbred Mutant Hoody Zombie Teen Stalk 'N' Slash Massacre' in the mag section.

Look and learn

That Swine Flu Skoob's a genius.

Or maybe something a bit less flattering.

Swine Flu Skoob.

I'm not allowed to read.
It's forbidden.
Don't wanna get spanked, do I?!

I don't know, JB- Do you wanna be spanked? That's a question that only you can answer.

As for the unfortunate fate of female robo cop, I just assumed that Fergus was being his usual charming, misanthropic self in his last reply. But he was right- even about her bra size.


RIP, female robo cop.

You were too good for this (fictitous) world.

---

Quote: Madame Bitters

I don't know, JB- Do you wanna be spanked? That's a question that only you can answer.

As for the unfortunate fate of female robo cop, I just assumed that Fergus was being his usual charming, misanthropic self in his last reply. But he was right- even about her bra size.


RIP, female robo cop.

You were too good for this (fictitous) world.

---

Spnak me, Madame Bitters. Spank me like you've never spanked a spoof writer before!

yes, poor old Robo female cop. She was too beautiful for this world....
But, fuck that shit!
There's a new babe in (Psycho)town!!!!
You can read all about this big titted chickatee in:

O' Halloran: Murder with a Capital Punishment Part 6

I have a complaint.
Ya know when you are writing a story here on theSpoof and you are way down at the bottom of the page and then go to add a link or put something in bold print...and then you just are thrown back to the top of the page!
I don't like that.

Why can't the page stay as it was?
I was doing no harm.
I don't want to go finding the last place I was again after adding a link or bold print or whatever.
It's a bitch. Like your mother, Lowton. Like your fucking mother.