Discussion Forum

Esteemed and lovely Spoofers

Having decided to stay on the Forum, I've decided to apply for poet laureate. But am struggling to finish the compulsory limerick on their application form.

I'm well happy with the first two lines wot I came up with over the weekend:-

There was a young (old) lady (harlot) from Looe (Kew or Crewe would do equally well)
Who filled her vagina with glue..

But now I'm stuck.

Can anyone help?

Thanks in advance

CJ

But penning those ditties
While stroking her titties
Resulted in nothing but poo.

Oh yes Queenie..

Oh yes..

That'll get me the job..

Yes..

Highbrow poetic literacy is exactly what they're after..

Mmmm..

I owe you..

Thanks

CJ

So what made you stick around? Thought some high-powered forum wit had chased you off here at last.

Fuck off Fields!!

This is a divine, sensitive thread for creative artistes..

and delicate poets..

Like me and the Queen Mummy..

Not a shithole for coarse hijackers and roughneck cyber bullies..

Such as YOU..

and MAGGOT


Oh yes

Yes..

well said gentle Juanita

xx

A wonky-eyed nurse from Guangzhou
Once filled her vagina with glue
It's convenient,she said
For bonking in bed
There's no cleaning up when they're through.

I once bedded a girl from Crewe
Who filled her vagina with glue
In order to remove her
I needed a Hoover
And the help of a fireman or two

Iain

There was a young lady from Kew,
Who filled her vagina with glue,
She needed a wee
But it wouldn't break free,
So she peed through her bum hole. That's new!

How about...

There was an old lady from Crewe
Who filled her vagina with glue
when her bloke got unstuck
he exclaimed What a fuck!
You felt just like Winnie The Pooh

or is that too obtuse re bears..?

Wow... outbreak of limp-wristed, skipping through fields of flowers poetry alert!

There was an old lezzer from Crewe
Who filled her vagina with glue
She popped in some flowers
That were stuck there for hours
As she skipped though the early morns dew

(now that's limp-wristed, skipping through flowery fields poetry)

Brilliant Nick..

Absolutely marvellous poetry of the highest order..

And Iain too

Glorious wordage the bard himself would be proud of..

Now then

Miss Mole!!

I didn't see that earlier.

I'd hide if I were you..

AND

Shame on you Fields!

Esteemed Forum colleague exercising their suppressed poetic bent...

and all you can do is mock!

Get to it squire..

Can't you at least squeeze yer buttocks together and toss out an award-winning ode?

Poetry is for wusses - and that has nothing to do with my complete failure at Eng Lit O-level! Nothing at all.

Damned Poet strangler!!!

A plague on your pussies..

And a pox on yer gladioli

After reading some of this poetical brilliance I've decided to give up posing as Dylan Thomas in my free-time, I'll stick to Bob instead (without the glue).

There once was a man from the Pru
Who covered his knob with glue
It is added insurance
So that his sticky lance
Doesn't come out when he's through.

(This was actually my wife's effort...)

Iain

Oh how I envy you Iain..

Having a wife who speaks the language of fine poetry..

Mine has trouble with "Put the kettle on you lazy git"..

I mean to say.. do kettle and git rhyme?

An insurance company called the Pru
Covered the hole in my shoe
Then up popped a mole
It got stuck to my sole
So then I stuffed it with glue

-

hehehehehe..

Maria milady..

Wot can I say..

Not only a true poet,

but a woman of wisdom, language and vast experience..

Fancy a Merlot later?

Luv Juan

-

Madre de Dios, Maria Rios.

As in Mary Rivers?

-

hi Maria,

You can call me Miss Juan and we can be sisters together..

Woweeeee!!!

Anyway, I've been slaving over a hot oil lamp..

How's about this!!!!


There was an old biddy from Kew
Forced to fill her vagina with glue
After one off the wrist
Left her feeling well pissed
having broken her fanny in two


John Betjeman eat yer bloody heart out!

-