Discussion Forum

Source: Enema Digest Fri 6/4/12

27 down. 3 letters.

A perfectly innocent species of BRITISH! fish that were plundered and eaten by marauding, drug crazed Icelanders in the now infamous Cod War of 1975. Can also be used as an acronym for Cash On Delivery.

7 across. 6 letters.

Undisputed literary deity and much loved fine figure of a man who reigns supreme over The Spoof as the best writer by an absolute street and whose main claim to fame is his constant triumphs in all the writing compos whereupon he leaves his rather pathetic contemporaries trailing in his wake until it becomes almost embarrassing.
Crytic Clue: CLIV_Y.

19 down 3 letters.

Blue metallic drinking vessel which holds a full imperial pint and which must NOT under any circumstances be mentioned, coveted, looked at or touched by anyone other than a reigning compo king with a huge penis.
May also be used to describe a male personage who supports a football team other than West Ham United (the blessings of the prophet be upon them)

That's a nice post Clive, I like that. Here's a clue for ye:

7 across: Covenant lid chopped up; egregious mountebank in need of some new patter (5, 6)

Or devil cannot get confused with blue mug lover. (5,6)

Within her skin quintuplets dwell? That's no lady. (6,5)

Ans = EQ.

Tomes sent back in time of singing royalty? Scribbler " just askin' "... (5,1,1,1,1)

Is this a crossword or a sudoku? Or some bizarre hybrid of the two?

Regards.

Very nice!

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Quote: pinxit

Ans = EQ.

Tomes sent back in time of singing royalty? Scribbler " just askin' "... (5,1,1,1,1)

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There's no canvas to perforate, let alone sign, despite what we hear. (6)

=]

Or...

Imperial measure holds the Roman team in an artistic flourish. (6)

Sounds like one with pips

All of the above represents an extremely harsh, uncaring and concerted effort by a gaggle of fois gras and Cod A L'Orange guzzling, university educated highbrows to undermine and belittle a tech college attending cerebrally challenged pauper and to drive the self styled noble savage, crushed and broken from the forums without using capital letters.

Well please be informed "gentlemen" that I shall be delighted to confound your haughty and ill founded prejudices just as soon as you put the requisite little pictures alongside your clues. Oh yes indeedy my swollen browed compadres!

That'll learn 'em folks!

*lights pipe and fills in The Beano Junior X Word in green crayon with tongue lolling from mouth*

^^^^^^^ Er, do any of you chaps know this... oik?

* s h u d d e r *

^^^^^^^^Crikey what jolly rotten luck! It's Pinxit Minor, the forum bully and The Fat Owl Of The Remove!

I say I jolly well hope that he and some of the older chaps don't rag my bally study and roast me in front of a roaring log fire!

If he does I'm going to jolly well tell matron and get him banned from the paper chase and the tuck shop.

Huzzah!

^^^^^^ Blessed Is The Compost Winner For He Shall Shit on The Face Of Cod

YAROOO! OIK alert at 12o'clock!

OK... try this one - with full solution.

East-end spiv had abode in Swiss Region (5,6)




"Every one a Maserati..."

I prefer scrabble, crosswords are a puzzle!

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Quote: pinxit

^^^^^^ Blessed Is The Compost Winner For He Shall Shit on The Face Of Cod

YAROOO! OIK alert at 12o'clock!

OK... try this one - with full solution.

East-end spiv had abode in Swiss Region (5,6)

Jesus Christ! How am I supposed to be au fait with any Swiss regions when you know damn well I was banned from the school trip to Basle for smacking the PE master in the mouth!

You just dont think do you?




"Every one a Maserati..."

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Quote: Jaggedone

I prefer scrabble, crosswords are a puzzle!

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I must be the only person in the known world never to have played Scrabble.

I bet if I did though I'd be utterly brilliant at it and would win game after game until I was crowned Emperor of the entire Scrabble playing world.

Christ yes!!!

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Quote: Clive Danton

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Quote: Jaggedone

I prefer scrabble, crosswords are a puzzle!

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I must be the only person in the known world never to have played Scrabble.

I bet if I did though I'd be utterly brilliant at it and would win game after game until I was crowned Emperor of the entire Scrabble playing world.

Christ yes!!!

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I've played Spanish scrabble.

I haven't but if I had I bet I'd be feted and adored by the entire Spanish nation.

I bet a film of my life would be made in Hollywood and it would be similar to El Cid but it would be called EL Cliveypops. Compo Legend And Scrabble King Of The Whole World.

I bet that Charlton Heston would play me and about halfway through there'd be a bit where I spend the night giving Sofia Loren the good news in a diabolical apartment in Magaluf and then when I open the shutters in the morning I'm confronted with a multitude of Spanish bods stretching back as far as the eye can see chanting "Clivey...Clivey....Clivey!" until Sofia appears at my shoulder looking shit scared in case I shoot off to battle against the Moors in Torremolinos.

I bet right at the end after I've been sorely wounded in a bloody Scrabble tournament against the unbelievers they lash my dead body to the seat of my Honda Civic Type R and then open the great doors to the hotel complex before watching in awe as the heathen hordes scatter before me crying "He lives!.....CLIVEYPOPS LIVES!

Then there'll be a closing shot of my jamjar disappearing off towards Benidorm while a quietly spoken narrator says in a grave tone......"And so Clivey drove off into the pages of history and all who knew him will say that he was the purest compo legend/Spanish Scrabble top boy of them all!"

Oh yes!

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Quote: Clive Danton

East-end spiv had abode in Swiss Region (5,6)

Jesus Christ! How am I supposed to be au fait with any Swiss regions when you know damn well I was banned from the school trip to Basle for smacking the PE master in the mouth!

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Dear Deke Clanton,

Anyone giving those sadistic pieces of humanity that pass themselves off as 'PE masters' a right old slap is more than OK in my books.

ok - quick explanation if you're even remotely interested Cliveypops...

'East-end spiv had abode in Swiss region (5,6)'

"had abode" = lived in
"Swiss region" = canton (the name we use for local areas of Switzerland)
"East-end spiv" = the solution to the clue

which gives you the answer...lived inside canton = Clive Danton

Erskin & Skoob did similar things by hiding the solutions in either anagrams or directly, as in Skoob's 'Within her skin quintuplets dwell? That's no lady. (6,5)'

Other clues...
"Tomes sent back in time of singing royalty? Scribbler " just askin' "..."(5,1,1,1,1)

tomes = books (so.... books 'sent back'(ie backwards) = skoob)
'time of singing royalty' = (Prince's song '1999')
Put 'em together and you have Skoob1999 = Scribbler (of) "just askin'"

"Imperial measure holds the Roman team in an artistic flourish. (6)"
Imperial measure = (a) Pint
Roman team = The usual shorthand for a football team would be XI (11 in latin)

So... xi in pint = pinxit... (means 'I painted this' )

Alles Klar? Carry on doing that voodoo you do so well, Cliveypops

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Sherlock Holmes's quick eye took in my occupation, and he shook his head with a smile as he noticed my questioning glances. "Beyond the obvious facts that he has at some time done manual labour, that he takes snuff, that he is a Freemason, that he has been in China, and that he has done a considerable amount of writing lately, I can deduce nothing else."

Mr. Jabez Wilson started up in his chair, with his forefinger upon the paper, but his eyes upon my companion.

"How, in the name of good-fortune, did you know all that, Mr. Holmes?" he asked. "How did you know, for example, that I did manual labour? It's as true as gospel, for I began as a ship's carpenter."

"Your hands, my dear sir. Your right hand is quite a size larger than your left. You have worked with it, and the muscles are more developed."

"Well, the snuff, then, and the Freemasonry?"

"I won't insult your intelligence by telling you how I read that, especially as, rather against the strict rules of your order, you use an arc-and-compass breastpin."

"Ah, of course, I forgot that. But the writing?"

"What else can be indicated by that right cuff so very shiny for five inches, and the left one with the smooth patch near the elbow where you rest it upon the desk?"

"Well, but China?"

"The fish that you have tattooed immediately above your right wrist could only have been done in China. I have made a small study of tattoo marks and have even contributed to the literature of the subject. That trick of staining the fishes' scales of a delicate pink is quite peculiar to China. When, in addition, I see a Chinese coin hanging from your watch-chain, the matter becomes even more simple."

Mr. Jabez Wilson laughed heavily. "Well, I never!" said he. "I thought at first that you had done something clever, but I see that there was nothing in it, after all."

"I begin to think, Watson," said Holmes, "that I make a mistake in explaining. 'Omne ignotum pro magnifico,' you know, and my poor little reputation, such as it is, will suffer shipwreck if I am so candid. Can you not find the advertisement, Mr. Wilson?"

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Occasional contributor of well-lubricated venom finally torn apart by the scratchy mug ref. (6,8 )

Sure, Mr Schweetness! 'Tis de Holy Fadda hisself, FM.

(Snake oil from the holy well o' St Brigid)

Will we take the yard, to move tentatively to Dawn's welcomer? (8 )

Ha!

Inchcock.