Discussion Forum

I noticed that the last Spoof Dictionary thread is now locked, so I thought that I'd start a new one. (don't get out much you see)

So here goes:

Golden Jade to do one

To inadvertently socially elevate oneself due to an act of public derogation; as in performing fellatio with someone on national TV whilst being too dim to realise that it's being filmed.

See also: My life as a Southend Gold-digger by Dame Ellingham Buller-Smith: "I thought that the most I could have hoped for during the Ambassador's soiree at Westcliffe was a return invitation, but after letting his son tie me to the AGA with the Duchess of Northumberland, I found that within 2 weeks I was offered the role of choreographer of the Royal Bedchamber.
That culinary appliance shackling incident truly turned out to be a Golden Jade moment for me".

Fumpthumper: (slang) colloquial orig. Malawi

To engage in deep meaningful conversation with
a Munter. (See Munter)


Munter: (Slang) Colloquial. orig. Bethnal Green.

An ugly woman found mostly in sleazy clubs.

Massage: "An amount of mass."
Subscriber: "Keeper of the submarine log."
Eggnog: "Noggin's omelette-making cousin."
Houses of Parliament: "See Hot Air Balloons."
Armadillo: "16th century Spanish Warship."
Adolf Hitler: "20th century German avant-garde comedian and performance artist."
David Cameron: "See Toxic Waste."
George Osborne: "See Vacuous fop."
Hamlet: "a diminutive wooden actor."
Warship: "Vessel belonging to Newcastle-Upon-Tyne."
Coldplay: "See Old Blancmange."

Dorking-vb. dork. pp. dorked - To commit a lewd act in a car park or wooded area with somebody who's interested in computers while other people look on.

Danton - vb trans. To Danton somebody - to beat around the head with a blue mug.

Gobshite adj. gobby. pp. gobshat. perj. cunt.

A juvenile member of the cod family once found in vast numbers in the North Sea and The Atlantic Ocean, now almost extinct as a species due to illegal fishing practices by Icelanders such as Erskin "The Butcher Of Húsavík" Quint, Lynton The Bold, Magnus Magnusson and Colonel Juank.

May also be used as a perjorative to describe highly skilled mechanics with literary skills beyond even the wildest dreams of The Bard himself. eg. "Christ that Clivey eh? What an annoying gobshite! Mind you he's quite easily the best writer in The Spoof by an absolute street and as for compos!.....well he just pisses over the bastard lot of em to be fair"

Lynton:
Cause of the UK-Franco Tetley tea-bags war of 2013, that ended the constitution of the EU, and started the war we are still fighting now in 2085.

Armfeetandtoe:
Brilliant 21st century script, famous on the Spoof website and world-wide for the incomprehensibility, inanity, and humour of his written work. An expert on the Snow Leopard's tantrums.

Skoob1999:
20/1st century alcoholic renowned for his wide variety of efforts in the cause of entertainment and Spoofing on the internet. Famous for being the cause of the first contact with the planet of Euranus contacting earth in 2013, after reading of his 'Chips and gravy campaigner, Ken Mither, of Cleckhuddersfax, West Yorkshire, and wanting to understand and learn more.

Ellis Ian Fields:
A literary God in the spoofing world of the 2010's. His wit and creativity being envied by many other lesser endowed writers.

Queen Mudder:
Vivacious, creative, and determined female of great appeal and drive, from the planet Earth. Much admired for her spoofing skills, and spoof forum contributions.

Inchcock:
A micro organed semi-earthlike being, known for his constant failed efforts to be liked and appreciated. He died in 2002...2004... 2006... 2007... 2009... you get the idea? He was also a collector of illnesses, injuries diseases, and hairy women.

Pinxit:
A Spoofer from the 21st Century, known for his cutting whit, intelligence, and deep understanding and practice of apanthropinisation.

Churchmouse:
Famous for the quality of his presentation in the Spoofing world. In 2012, he suffered many an attack from Dive Clanton, the generally capernoited fallaciloquence, fatuity, and feculent ridden superior shit-stirrer and insulting applying genius if that decade.

Colonel Juan:
Famous Spoofer and creator of the Lady Sybilla & Alf Starling characters amongst others. A tireless worker and genius, committed to the cause of Spoofing throughout the 2020's. Well respected by all serious Spoofers and people of understanding, respect and ingrowing toenails.

These few above, have been quickly created to give an idea to others. If the idea appeals, I'd love to create a Spoofer 's Spoof list from scratch, using the Spoofer's own words... I think that reads right?

Any Spoofers wishing to have their details to the possibly forthcoming Spoof-Mag-Spoofers Dictonary - please send your details you'd like publishing to Inchcock!

Ithangyou!

Yaidntwanthatdiddya: Interrogatory, probably High Appalchian for "You didn't want that, did you?"

Inchcock Much loved, dangerously ill doyen of The Spoof. His tenuous grip on life and his full to bursting medicine cabinet are matched only by his brilliant tales of a life spent forgetting to turn the stove on and being a drain on the NHS.

Conversely he can be a vicious and malevolent cyber bully whose vitriolic hattist rants and simmering hatred of all things cockney have often seen me weeping in the small hours in the darkness of my lonely room and contemplating doing something rash with a rope and a satsuma.

He wont drive me from the forums though. No one will.

DO YOU HEAR ME? NO ONE!!!......*wheeze*

Re Dive Clanton's statement about Mr Inchcock:
"His hatred of all things cockney" cannot be right at all I'm afraid.

As a youngster he did not have a TV, and he just loved to come around to my place when Dixon of Dock Green, and then Minder were on the box, and I remember him getting very excited during his visits.

However, if Mr Clanton is considering doing anything rash with a rope and a satsuma, my number is 0115 9626648.

Griselda Plunkett
xxx

To Danton - v. to come second in a writing competition and dine out on the story of how you came first for the rest of your life.

Sadly Erskin my wretched personal circumstances combined with the largesse of HM Government (erstwhile victors in the Cod War of 1975 incidentally) who electronically boost my hilarious bank balance by £40.00 a week, make it impossible for me to dine out. However I may have mentioned my glittering triumph once or twice to the Meals On Wheels lady who brings me a reviving bowl of watery gruel at 5.45pm daily whether I deserve it or not.

Poverty - vb. pover. adj. starving.

To have insufficient funds to treat waiters at Claridges like shit despite having reached almost unimaginable heights in writing compos time after time after time.

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Quote: Erskin Quint

To Danton - v. to come second in a writing competition and dine out on the story of how you came first for the rest of your life.

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OK I confess..

Danton came first.

I only said he came second cos I'm trying to GET HIM KICKED OFF THE SPOOF.

I wanted to HURT him. Cos he's after me.

And says he wants me to sleep with a cod.

Me! The man who created Alf Starling!

Bloody maggot!

AH SHOOK UP DA WORL'! ......AH SHOOK UP DA WORL'!......AH SHOOK UP DA COMPO WOOOOOOOOORL'!!!!!

Colonel Juan adj. juank. perj. tosspot.

A feeble-minded cross dresser and unwanted progeny of a brief but tender liason between Colonel Muammar Gadaffi and King Juan Carlos of Spain. He was abandoned as a mewling infant in a disused grumble mag warehouse where he was raised on a diet of boiled semen and pubic hair by a family of prostitutes and men in dirty raincoats.

He now lives in an abandoned drainpipe in the Dorking area of Surrey and can regularly be seen buying pikey cider in Iceland and having fights with himself in the library.

His major attributes are his quite nice hair, his benign and kindly treatment of gibbons, his wooden lip and his much admired musical arse.

On the downside he can be a right vicious bastard on the quiet and has often succeeded in driving both myself and others from this forum in CAPITAL LETTERS.

Likes sleeping with cod and working with underprivileged children....................Working I said!...WORKING!

Christ they're like slavering beasts in 'ere sometimes!

C-Live Danton: n. 1. a small wriggly maggot of the mealworm family, favoured by anglers as live bait. 2. An illiterate nincompoop of low breeding. 3. a deformed rodent. 4. a rabbit's penis often soaked in linseed oil and used as a doorstop by dwarves

Dwarf's Doorstop - n. A small and extremely unimpressive male member. A button mushroom dick.

"I rather fancied that bloke in the long leather coat, Tracy, so I took 'im out the back for a nosh over. Waste of effin time. It were like a dwarf's doorstop." - Two Fat Lasses Aht On t' Lash In Wigan - by George Orwell.

I didn't mean literally dining out. The Icelandic Jury does not do literally things. No, we do not do those things literal, we do not do.

It is all symbolism, when it comes to the Icelandic Jury, as it usually does.

After all, as we say, 'what is reality after all, but a mere passing shadow on the non-substantial epithelium of the autumnal mists?'.

Inchcock: Confused, bewildered, past the sell by date, unhealthy, with failed moronic decrepit ancient inclinations towards reality.

Slather adj. slathering. acronym. Soppy Loonytoons Attacks Terribly Hurtfully Encouraging Ribaldry.

To Slather - to spread thickly. ie The crazy fool flew directly in the face of all the perceived wisdom regarding coronary heart disease by slathering full fat butter on his toast and then eating it.

May also be used as a pejorative by overwrought internet users in the throes of a rather embarrassing, swivel-eyed meltdown. ie. "You're all a bunch of slathering gangsters and I'm telling my mum!"

Mechanic adj mechanical. pej. robbing fuck!

A low born, beetle browed, sorry sackload of festering shite. These deeply untrustworthy, oily oiks sometimes risibly describe themselves as skilled men when in actual fact the only thing remotely skilled about them is their unfailing ability to be taciturn and ill humoured 24/7 and their unflagging propensity to swindle unsuspecting, helpless members of the public out of their hard earned folding.

Despite this they are all without exception almost impossibly good looking and may often be observed in hardcore bongo films handing out a vigorous and sustained back scuttling to some clearly enthused blond tart who's "left her purse at home" and therefore cant pay for the gearbox rebuild on her MGB GT Roadster.

THORKUS: Coll; Slang;

A person that plucks Hedgehogs.

Ex: "He/she is Thorkusing in the bath tonight".

Hello little Clive.  Who paid when you went to the pub with the big boys?  Let me guess.  The truth in sporadic nastiness really hurts, and people tend to remember. It seems you do.  But who attacked first?

I don't know how those of you who value this place could put it in such jeopardy that you almost lose Jean Le Fete and Erskine Quint in a pissing contest.  

This place, to me, has been like buying a hamster.  You bring it home full of hope.  You do things to try to win it over (write "Reading Ulysses to Get Laid"-fives! and "My Best Date Ever"-fives/ give it blueberries) and (thank CJ for the contests and congratulate Scoab for a weird thing he wrote/clean it's cage).  Eventually you realize this hamster is kind of fucked up.  No matter what you do, no matter that you write as well as many, and are funnier than most, the fucking thing is determined not to like you, no matter what.  And yet, there is the challenge.  If you give it grapes, will it see that you're worthy?  Well, he's pretty much made it clear that he won't.  He's that fucked up.

I somewhat regret commenting on your obvious Achilles heel Clive (you're funny as hell, but .....), but you attacked me the most, and the longest( even yesterday!)  What you attacked me for was asking that bullshit like the last few days not occur.  I was right to request that, but a bunch of you attacked anyway (at least 10, none from North America)) and continue to do so.  No one supported me then, and likely won't this time either. (is it common knowledge that I'm not British?)  The cost of each of us having the same rights is apparently too high.  CJ says we have to earn our rights here, and he's holding the ledger.  I take it I'm not doing well.

Now Clive, you funny little fellow.  Will I leave?  I know you'd like me to. The answer is "Maybe".  But, this could and should be a neat place to be.  Why isn't it?

By the way, I've just written a new piece called "A Moment on the Forums".  So far it's reception has been polarized.  (only 1's and 5's)  It's about why communication there is so difficult.  I think it's funny.  Hope you think so too.

Chris McManus           

Slather adj. slathering. acronym. Soppy Loonytoons Attacks Terribly Hurtfully Encouraging Ribaldry.

To Slather - to spread thickly. ie The crazy fool flew directly in the face of all the perceived wisdom regarding coronary heart disease by slathering full fat butter on his toast and then eating it.

May also be used as a pejorative by overwrought internet users in the throes of a rather embarrassing, swivel-eyed meltdown. ie. "You're all a bunch of slathering gangsters and I'm telling my mum!"

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^^^^^^^ pwned

Oo-er!

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Quote: Ellis Ian Fields

Oo-er!

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Indeed!