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Intriguing.
Interesting.
Amazing.


But enough about myslef! Let the fascination begin!



-In 1438, Barsbay al-Zahiri - the Great Mameluke Sultan of Cairo and conqueror of Cyprus - dies.
He liked cats. Probably.

Also in this year, the Inca dynasty in Peru is founded by Pachacutec.


- 22nd January 1552, the Duke of Somerset, former Lord Protector of Merrie olde Engerlande - is executed.
Die you bastard.


- In 1620, the Dutch mathematician Simon Stevin dies.
He did not invent decimal fractions and his notation was clumsy (awkward idiot), he established the use of decimals in day-to-day mathematics.
He's the fucker to blame, kids.
Bloody maths!

- In 1700 the German Protestant states adopt the Gregorian calender devised in 1582 by order of the Diet of Regensburg.
They later admitted they only meant to foster the calender as adoption is permanent.


- On the 31st March 1781, William Herschel discovers Uranus....and for the he rest of his life he is tormented lots of pointing and sniggering by cheeky fuckers.


- In 1844, a band of 15 Texas Rangers under Colonel Hayes (ooer!) attacks a band of about 300 Comanche Indians, killing half of them using the Colt 'six shooter' revolver.
The question is this: did they kill the better half....and....did they use just one gun?



TO BE CONTINUED................

This thread is only mildly interesting at best. I want my money back!

The ONLY thread where there is something FASCINATING happening.


34,000 BC….a monkey-man looks out of cave and wonders 'why?'

34,001 BC…that same monkey-man figures 'it' all out but forgets to write it down on a clay tablet.
Because writing hadn't been invented yet….and he couldn't be bothered.


In 653 BC, Recessuinth, King of the Visigoths, draws up a legal code that establishes equality between Goths and Romans.
No more shall the Goths be mocked for their dark mascara and grumpy teenage antics.

In 986 BC, Lothar, King of the Franks, dies aged 44 and is succeeded by his son Louis.
Louis is clearly destined for a long and prosperous reign……

May 967 BC, Louis V dies aged 20, allegedly poisoned by his mother.
What a fucking bitch.

1231 AD, the Japanese Shogun forbids his people to sell their children into slavery.
It is still legal to rent them out to slavery, though.
Probably.

In 1464, the 'Poste Royale' is founded by Louis XI of France.
This is the first national postal service.
The King himself receives the first delivery from Amazon: a limited edition, collectors box-set of the Jackass films.
In 3D.

1836, Mount Hekla in Iceland erupts causing flight delays and cancelling several Champions League clashes.

On 4th August 1892, Lizzie Borden's father and stepmother are murdered with an axe.
The bitch got away with it by saying the butler did it.
Probably.

1957, Mao organises the 'Great Leap Forward' in China.
Sadly, owing to chinamen having little stumpy legs, they don't get very far.

1st January 1993, Czechoslovakia ceases to be called by that name.
Instead it becomes two separate states renamed: Martina Navratilovaland and Ivan Lendl-topia.
All residents will be forced to have bad mullets and walk funny.


TO BE CONTINUED……

1325 AD, Amir Khusrau dies aged 95. The writer, composer and poet became known as the 'Parrot of India'.
Nothing to do with his feathers.

1462, Vlad the Impaler slaughters 20,000 Turks along the Danube, many by impalement.
Up the arse (thank you Gay Larry).

18th March 1584, Ivan the Terrible dies aged 53.
He is replaced by Ivan the Lovely.
Probably.


1749, Thomas Chippendale opens a cabinet making workshop.
Little did he expect that his name would become synonymous with naked muscular men at drunken women's hen nights.


TO BE CONTINUED.......

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Quote: Jesus Budda

1836, Mount Hekla in Iceland erupts causing flight delays and cancelling several Champions League clashes.


TO BE CONTINUED&&

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I liked that one a lot, I liked all of them but I really liked that one.


Thanks JB,

I think you are great, the best, just.... Oh, I don't know....

Great.




I have to go now, I'll praise you some more a bit later on.
Probably.

MW.

Thanks, MW.


Love and kisses,


Gnarly

Youy really can learn a lot by reading this stuff. It's not just rubbish you know.

I could not agree more Erskin, since reading this thread
I've since managed to open a steamer trunk I had lost the key to.

If you keep coming back for more then you are officially....FASCINATED BY THE FASCINATION THREAD.


In 943 AD Byzantine troops head deep into Arab territory in order to recover the 'Mandylion', a unique icon that is possibly even a relic of Jesus.
The more likely scenario is that it is simply a large wild animal that can sing the popular Barry Manilow song.

1151, the first 'plague and fire insurance' policy is issued in Iceland.
It sets the precedent for insurance companies being complete and utter, heartless bastards.

In 1330 William of Occam, the English scholar and philosopher, appeals to scientists and other learned people to give preference to simple solutions wherever possible.
His belief becomes known as 'Occams Razor'.
Its rumoured that both Gilette and Wilkinson-Sword offered him a small fortune for the rights.

1449, the Turkestan Prince Ulugh-Beg is executed on trumped up charges at the instigation of his son (the bastard). Ulugh-Beg devised a moveable observatory 40 metres long to identify 1,018 star. His tables are so precise that his calculations of the movements of Mars and Venus differ from modern figures by only a few seconds.
It is said that the Muslims feared his learning.
It could also be said that they thought he was a pub bore that wouldn't shut up blathering about the stars he'd seen.

1634, speculation in tulip bulbs reaches its peak in Holland, with the flower being traded wildly on the stock markets.
Nobody predicted the collapse of the stupid flower, which would lead to a crash that would devastate people's lives.
Sound familiar?

In 1764 the practice of numbering houses begins in Merry Olde England.
Unsurprisingly, nobody wants to live at No. 2, Shittyarse Lane.

1765, the first 'true' restaurant opens in Paris. A tavern keeper named Boulanger sells cooked dishes at an all-night place in the Rue Bailleul.
It is not known whether he shouted obscenities at his staff, charged far too much for a bowl of soup or was a complete and utter smug bastard.

4th October 1830, Belgium becomes independent of Dutch control as a provisional government takes over.
As of today, it is still waiting for a new 'official' government……..

1880, Thomas Edison patents his incandescent electric lightbulb.
Up until this point in history, when people had a great idea nothing would appear above their heads.

25th October 1920, King Alexander of Greece dies after being bitten by a monkey.
I think that says it all, really.



TO BE CONTINUED....

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Quote: Jesus Budda

TO BE CONTINUED....

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Good.

I'm getting cold turkey.

Fascinate me some more.

Hurry up.............

The more you read the more you become fascinated.........


In 264 BC a 'Punic' War begins between Rome and Carthage.
One slightly deaf man overhears it incorrectly and starts shaving his nether regions in anger.

In 708 the practice of drinking tea becomes popular amongst the Chinese.
This may have something to do with the fact that a boiled drink is safer than water.
It could also have something to do with the Chinese wanting something to dip their biscuits in.

1054, King Macbeth of Scotland is defeated at Dunsinane by Malcolm, son of Duncan, whom Macbeth murdered.
This episode lays the path for future plot lines in every single tacky television show hereafter.


1237, the Mongols introduce spectacles into Europe.
They probably also coin the advertising tagline "should have gone to Specsavers".

1429, Joan of Arc, a 17-year old babe, convinces the Dauphin that he is the rightful heir to France. She leads an army that establishes the Dauphin as Charles VII, King of France.
Why she wanted a sea mammal as her leader is anyones guess.
Anyways, this all seems to be going well for Joany-poohs...

1430, poor Joan is captured and imprisoned and Charles VII does fuck all to help her...
The Bastard!

3rd October 1518, the 34-year-old monk Martin Luther nails 95 theses to the door of Wittenberg Cathedral, challenging the abuses of the church, thus beginning the Reformation.
He will later make his 'I have a Dream' speech and then be shot on a balcony.
In an alternate Universe.


TO BE CONTINUED....

Fact you, mother factor.

5,000 BC, excavations from Egyptian tombs show that the ancient Egyptian kids played with toy hedgehogs. Little boys were encouraged to play with their pricks....

1878, the first telephone exchange in San Francisco opens with 18 phones. 17 of them are Gay chatlines.

1st July 1960 Ghana becomes a republic. They celebrate by taking a break from their age-old tradition of practising penalty-taking in case they meet Uruguay in the World Cup 50 years later....

In 1876 Beer was the first trademarked product - British beer 'Bass Pale Ale' received its trademark. Trademarks ceased for the next few days becasue the patent guy was pissed 'researching' the product.

In 1958, the US sent two mice called Laska and Benjy into space. Both mice paid Richard Branson several million quid for the pleasure.

In 1963, the French launched a cat called Feliette into space. Laska and Benjy asked for a refund and a return ticket.....

In 565 AD, the first written account of the Loch Ness Monster was made. A Mr. Abominable Snowman is credited with the account.

2nd April 1976, Prince Sinhanouk of Cambodia resigns and Khmer Rouge leader Pol Pot becomes Prime Minister. He later wins the first series of ITV's Britain's Got Talent show in 2007 and amazes crowds with his retarded face and bad teeth.


TO BE CONTINUED...

Well, go on.

Ask and ye shall receive.
Slowly.

I am dedicating this section to my dear, fascinating Czech friends.



In 1085 Vratislav II was granted the royal crown and become the first Czech king starting the Premyslid dynasty .
Good for him.

1306 The Premyslid dynasty ends with the death of King Wenceslas III.

1414 John Huss (Jan Hus) spoke against the corruption of the Catholic Church and conducted his sermons in Czech so it could be understood by ordinary people.
'Ordinary people' obviously being a bit of a joke considering we are discussing Czechs.

1415 John Huss (Jan Hus) burnt at the stake.

In August 21, 1968, five Warsaw Pact member countries invade Czechoslovakia and Soviet troops continue to occupy the country until 1989. This begins the creation of the infamous 'Czech haircut' that will affect ever citizen until the present day.

1989 November The Velvet Revolution brought an end to communism . Links to Lou Reed cannot be confirmed.

January 1993, the so-called "velvet divorce" divides the Czech Republic from Czechoslovakia.
The 'West Slavs' were the Poles, the Czechs and the Slovaks
The 'East Slavs' consisted of Russians, Ukrainians and Belarusians
The 'South Slavs' consisted of Bulgarians, Croats, Macedonians Serbs and Slovenians
In the early Middle Ages Slavs were often used as slaves which is possibly the origin of the generic term 'Slavs'
But, most importantly, they all had bad haircuts and funny walks.




TO BE CONTINUED........

7300 BC, the Fall of Jericho. The walled town is abandoned or destroyed. Either way, it falls and gets a big laugh from onlookers.

212 AD, the Edict of Caracalla: Roman citizenship is extended to all free inhabitants of the Empire.
The only downside is that to be a Roman citizen you need to have a big nose and be able to ride a scooter through narrow alleys at high speed.

1096, more than 100 men join the first Crusade, converging on Constantinople.
Also in this year the worlds first University ifs founded at Salerno in Italy.
There is irony here somewhere....


1259, an unidentified large scale volcanic eruption takes place, leaving layers of acidic deposits at both poles.
David Bellamy goes to investigate and disappears through time.

In 1397, The Union of Kalmar unites Denmark, Sweden and Norway under a single monarch. Denmark is the dominant power.
They also agree to only ever give maximum points to each other during the Eurovision Song Contest.

On Friday, May 19 1536, Anne Boylen executed. A swordsman was called from France to undertake the execution. This expert swordsman was able to sever the head of Anne Boleyn with one blow...so it turned out he didn't need to use the sword after all.
This man may also have been connected to the case of the 3 Little Pigs.

In 1845 Tonga was united into a Polynesian kingdom. It really would have preferred to join up with the Hammerand kingdom.....



TO BE CONTINUED........

You wouldn't happen to know why St. Augustine became a saint now would you?

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1096, more than 100 men join the first Crusade, converging on Constantinople.
Also in this year the worlds first University ifs founded at Salerno in Italy.
There is irony here somewhere....

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Ah, but where, wherein lies the irony?

I think it is probably something to do with converging. Who would want to converge on Constantinople?

More like diverging Erskin for as Constantinople fell it's scholars moved to the west helping to initiate the Renaisance.

Ah yes, and it's all been downhill since.

Well not quite, it took a bit of an interlude working it's way up the Alps at Kranska Gora first then as you way it sped it's way north and west.

The word telemarketer comes from this time but it had a different meaning prior to the invention of the telephone.

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Quote: victor nicholas

You wouldn't happen to know why St. Augustine became a saint now would you?

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You asked for it, Victor, and by the end of this shit you will have regretted that question....


Augustine was born at Tagaste on 13 November, 354. Tagaste, now Souk-Ahras, about 60 miles from Bona (ancient Hippo-Regius), was at that time a small free city of proconsular Numidia which had recently been converted from Donatism.

Augustine received a Christian education. His mother had him signed with the cross and enrolled among the catechumens. Once, when very ill, he asked for baptism, but, all danger being soon passed, he deferred receiving the sacrament.

In 383 Augustine, at the age of twenty-nine, Augustine went to Rome.
He began to dream that he and his friends might lead a life dedicated to the search for it, a life purged of all vulgar aspirations after honours, wealth, or pleasure, and with celibacy for its rule...but he still wanted a wank and a bit of a ride.

His Mother turns up and told him to marry, but his betrothed was too young (dirty fucker).
Confused, Augustine started to read the Bible again (as you do in such circumstances...not) and LIGHT PENETRATED HIS MIND!

WOW!

Augustine gradually became acquainted with Christian doctrine, and in his mind the fusion of Platonic philosophy with revealed dogmas was taking place.


Now, why did such a sick, sad loony get honoured with the title of Saint?
He was an inspiration to saddo's and fitted the Papacies 'token black guy rule'.


And that, my dear Sir, is that.

Erskin and Victor, you keep the spirit of the thread in your hearts and your actions.

Ahoy!



TO BE CONTINUED...

Fascinating facts interwoven with random, throwaway comments....a recipe for making a FASCINATING THREAD.


3,855 BC, Dolerite is made into axes at Le Pinacle, Jersey.
The axe-makers build fires where they cook beef, mutton and pork. They eat bread from stone platters.
Whether they washed the dishes afterwards remains a deep mystery.

3,800 BC, the sea reaches 8metres below it's present level.
A caveman leaving the tap running is blamed.

1,349 BC, the Pharoah Tutankhamen is buried at Thebes with a vast treasure.
His watch, cuff-links and X-Box 360 is sadly stolen by a mischievous undertaker.

47 AD, Caeser moves into Asia Minor where he defeats the King of Pontus near Zela. He announces his victory with the line 'Veni, Vidi, Vinci' (I came, I saw, am I bovvered?'.


1086, the magnetic compass is pioneered by Shen Kua the Chinese waterworks director. He sees the needle as pointing South. is wife sees it North. They both have an argument on their way to her mother's in the car.



TO BE CONTINUED...

2011 Jesus Budda gets nailed and is cross.




Love it





Arm xxxxx