Discussion Forum

O dear little Flo
I love you so
Especially in your nightie
When the moonlight flits
Across your tits
O Jesus Christ Almighty.

I slit a sheet
A sheet I slit
OH what slit in the sheet I slit.

(Say 3 times fast!)

There's a gap in the market for this stuff erskine put it all together if it's yours (I haven't seen it before)get it published. Break down doors if you have to

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Quote: Erskin Quint

O dear little Flo
I love you so
Especially in your nightie
When the moonlight flits
Across your tits
O Jesus Christ Almighty.

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It seems like a traditional Scottish ditty, only modern.

There once was a man from Nantucket,
Who married a woman name Fanny,

I won't go on from there because of my pending copyright, but feel free to use that part.

I just remembered this:

http://www.thespoof.com/news/magazine/the_dog_that_talked_7132.htm

Do you think I should give up writing spoofs and become a poet?

If I do, and I am walking down the street, and meet someone who eventually asks me "What do you for a living?", do I say "I'm a poet", or do I say "I'm a pretentious layabout who writes poems"?

Surely, it'll never pay the bills...

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Quote: Monkey Woods

I just remembered this:

http://www.thespoof.com/news/magazine/the_dog_that_talked_7132.htm

Do you think I should give up writing spoofs and become a poet?

If I do, and I am walking down the street, and meet someone who eventually asks me "What do you for a living?", do I say "I'm a poet", or do I say "I'm a pretentious layabout who writes poems"?

Surely, it'll never pay the bills...

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Nay, Nay, you use dirty limmericks to teach English. You could be responsible for a significant percentage of Thai people who speak English in rhyme and significant bad taste. Better yet, start your own school and hire us to help!!

An Hedgehog named Dan, set up home in a can.
When he got thrown out of his bucket.
Asked to retort, he said with a snort.
"I've only one word, and thats FUCK IT!"

Andy the Ant, was halfway through a good shant.
When he was stopped by Tommy the Duck.
Tommy said, "Wot do you fink?".
Andy gave him a wink, and said,"Tommy, I dont give a fuck!".

Now news travels fast, but Tim tortoise was last.
And when he heard, he near threw a fit.
He said, "You've woke me in Jan, to tell me about Dan,
when quite frankly, I dont give a shit!".

Olly the Owl, scratched his head, with a scowl.
And said, "I thought every bucket, was a Hedgehogs castle.
I know what I will do, with the man that made Dan move.
Thats, stick my beak, right up his arsehole!"

Now this aint the end, of this story my friends.
Cos a bad deed is seen to by God.
And the one that moved Dan, was by a bus, overan.
And they all shouted, "Fuckin good job!"


Arm xxxxx

Dylan Thomas would rock and roll in his grave at some of the stuff here!

You've never seen Derek and Clive then.

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Quote: Lynton

There's a gap in the market for this stuff erskine put it all together if it's yours (I haven't seen it before)get it published. Break down doors if you have to

---

Quote: Erskin Quint

O dear little Flo
I love you so
Especially in your nightie
When the moonlight flits
Across your tits
O Jesus Christ Almighty.

---

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Ah nothing like nostalgia to inspire poetry aboout former girlfriends.

Great Monkey - missed it cos I was out of things

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Quote: Monkey Woods

I just remembered this:

http://www.thespoof.com/news/magazine/the_dog_that_talked_7132.htm

Do you think I should give up writing spoofs and become a poet?

If I do, and I am walking down the street, and meet someone who eventually asks me "What do you for a living?", do I say "I'm a poet", or do I say "I'm a pretentious layabout who writes poems"?

Surely, it'll never pay the bills...

---

No and not sure why I missed it at the time there must have been a reason - exams or something and then just letting it go by.

Have to catch up - CJ would frown real heresy and sacrilege.

difficult to write original funny poetry particularly the short stuff like Milligan did. Limericks not too bad I've managed a few originals

The Philosopher Rene Descartes
Was renowned for his suphurous farts
His philosophy ran 'I stink therefore I am'
leaving eggs out of souffles and tarts


A caterer from old Nazareth
Made the crowd on the mount lose their breath
With five loaves and two fishes he made 5000 dishes
T'was typhoid the cause of their death


we don't get enough odes a la Stanley Holloway on the spoof that's a genre to itself the story poem.

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Quote: Erskin Quint

You've never seen Derek and Clive then.

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Quote: Lynton

There's a gap in the market for this stuff erskine put it all together if it's yours (I haven't seen it before)get it published. Break down doors if you have to

---

Quote: Erskin Quint

O dear little Flo
I love you so
Especially in your nightie
When the moonlight flits
Across your tits
O Jesus Christ Almighty.

---

---

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arm's odd ode - hmm... what can I say? After all the iambic pentameter is a very predictable rhyme scheme. Scansion, yes, scansion pay attention to scansion. Otherwise arm a very entertaining little ode. I can put it down to the lack of limbs if you like but i know you wouldn't want me to make excuses for you

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Quote: armfeetandtoe

An Hedgehog named Dan, set up home in a can.
When he got thrown out of his bucket.
Asked to retort, he said with a snort.
"I've only one word, and thats FUCK IT!"

Andy the Ant, was halfway through a good shant.
When he was stopped by Tommy the Duck.
Tommy said, "Wot do you fink?".
Andy gave him a wink, and said,"Tommy, I dont give a fuck!".

Now news travels fast, but Tim tortoise was last.
And when he heard, he near threw a fit.
He said, "You've woke me in Jan, to tell me about Dan,
when quite frankly, I dont give a shit!".

Olly the Owl, scratched his head, with a scowl.
And said, "I thought every bucket, was a Hedgehogs castle.
I know what I will do, with the man that made Dan move.
Thats, stick my beak, right up his arsehole!"

Now this aint the end, of this story my friends.
Cos a bad deed is seen to by God.
And the one that moved Dan, was by a bus, overan.
And they all shouted, "Fuckin good job!"


Arm xxxxx

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Quote: Lynton

arm's odd ode - hmm... what can I say? After all the iambic pentameter is a very predictable rhyme scheme. Scansion, yes, scansion pay attention to scansion. Otherwise arm a very entertaining little ode. I can put it down to the lack of limbs if you like but i know you wouldn't want me to make excuses for you

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Lynton, would you do me the honour of carrying out the same sort of analysis on my offering, please?

I AM SERIOUS

I don't know what all those terms mean, but I'd sure as shit like to find out!

On, Sir, on!

Thank you, Lynton.
Your critique is both refreshing and educational.
I was never this bright at Oxford, so I went to Cambridge and became a street lamp. Ying tong yiddle aye po!

Could you please read and review.

Mary had a little lamb.
She kept in a bucket.
And everytime she took it out.
The sheepog tried, to follow it.

Is there something missing Lynton? I am not sure about the ending, can you please advise.


Love as always

Arm xxx

It is perfect arm - it is....

The epitome of the antidenouement school of post-modern Realist Limericists. It shuns the obvious for the unexpected. The limerick in this form depends, nay, demands that the reader follow unconsciously, automaton-like, the iambic path which would have led to a ridiculous and impossible canino-ovine feat of copulation. The poet then confronts the reader with the bifurcation and suddenly finds himself on the less-taken road to reality which is the Neo-Darwinian proposition based firmly on the known ethology of canines.The canine pack instinct rounds up the verse into the sheep-fold of perfection.

A triumph arm!

Down Shep!

Arm, thanks for a good laugh to start my morning.
Hilarious and clever.

LG

I'm trying to teach 'rhyming poetry' to my class at the moment. Pity I can't use YOURs as examples. Aah! Well!

Oh! That I am in muse of your appraisal! Mr Lynton, thou art an Angel where cloven hooved demons fear to tread.

Lest I weaken your spirit, pray, will thou have a gander at me latest?

Mary had a little lamb.
It jumped and played and frollicked.
The only way she could calm it down.
Was by kicking it in the, head.

I think there is room for improvement at the end.

Arm xxxx

Arm, a serious question: do you think your poems or mine are more like those of Wordsworth?

Please don't feel bad about saying that you think yours are, if that, indeed, is what you think.

Love and best wishes in a namby-pamby way,

Monkey

xxx

Little Miss Muffet, sat on a tuffet
Eating her curds & whey,
Along came a spider
And sat down beside her
and said.."Whatcha got in dat bowl, bitch?"

-William Burroughs, Jr.

Fuck it, I knew someone would tumble me, now Im distraught.

Monkey, please dont let on, I will send the money in the post and agree to the strange sex games. But please, dont tell Lynton! He is my mentor, and the whole situation could devastate him.


Yours in hope

Love Arm xxx

Sarah, Sarah,
Sitting in the shoe shine shop;
All day long she sits and shines,
All day long she shines and sits;
Sarah, Sarah,
Sitting in the shoe shine shop.

Boobs to the right,
Boobs to the left,
I ran towards the sight
Charging forward into the cleft

Then I received a fright,
There were boobs in the middle
Now visible in the light,
Oh what a riddle

Oh you poetic types you are all so temperamental.

Arm one postmodern antidenouement limerick with sheep is enough for oe day. Give me INSPIRATION! not constipation. I do hope my critic colleague Mr Quint will grace use with his presence. Perhaps he could provide a deconstructionalist view. I fr my part Arm have taught you all I can it is now for YOU to make your way in the world of verse. I have led you to the edge of the parapet of pentameter and cried Arm! Fly! Now jump Arm! - trust me I'm a gynecologist.

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Quote: Monkey Worods

Arm, a sermious question: dohink your poems or mine are more like those of Wordsworth?

Please don't feel bad about saying that you think yours are, if that, indeed, is what you think.

Love and best wishes in a namby-pamby way,

Monkey

xxx

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Anyone like Dutch Poetry?

Haarflieg Haarflieg
Haarflieg Onwoude!
Alinder varleyoev det
Rjodie sicsunderd
Vervoed die luytbri Gaed
Sharjfoer die gonssisaed
Enthou die varleyoef det
Rjodie sicsunderd