Discussion Forum

Please, if you are one of the many children that SKOOB has fathered, leave your name and where and when you were born. Please include you mothers name and her nationality.

A photo would help, but please remember, we are very sensitive people, with delicate stomachs.

When we find him, we will be using the garden shears.


Thank you

Arm. Director of national forum family fandangles.

Hi, I suspect that I may be one of Skoob1999's offspring. I am very short, my mother is a Yugoslavian, one-legged 'little-person'. Her name is Getcha Knikerzoff.

My mam said I was born on the Isle of Wight and the very first word I said was 'Bastards'. I was born in 1999.

I am enclosing a 'drawing' of me as we can't afford a camera. I used my new crayons (they're second-hand so don't have the paper around them).

The Bastard won't pay a penny towards my keep and denies my existence in spite of numerous family court dates set. He never freaking well shows up.

I have enclosed my home address so that you can contact me. I'd like to meet the Bastard one day. I have a present for him

Sincerely,
Dweeb1999

Dear Mr. Arm, I began to pen a letter to you regarding your 'search' but it was so lengthy, I sent it for Approval for publication at the Magazine Centre of The Spoof.

Sincerely,

Quentin Tortellini, PhD BA VW MGB VD DNA
Mayor of Newby, Isle of Wight.

....help...I'm being held as a hostage in a tree house in Pattaya and used as a sex slave &ghost writer...I want me Da!

choi Shuttlecock woods

Oh, I see.

It's 'let's have a go at Skoob day' again, is it?

Well, I'm not bovvered.

You hear me?

I AM NOT BOVVERED INNIT!

Bastards!

Regards,

Skoob

Yeah! But you ARE bovvered though?

You luv it though.

I'm not jealous though. Do I look jealous? Look at my face or mon visage OR dans mes yeux. Is it bovvered? Are me eyes bovvered? NO coz I'm not even bovvered though.

Lady G.

I think all the forums should be removed, or, at least, monitored by Mark. Any forum postings should be subject to approval by the administrators, in a similar fashion to the Story Approval scheme.

Submissions here have just become too banal for my liking. There are far too many 'postings-for-postings-sake' at the moment.

Like this one.

Go and make a cup of tea, Lady G. Or read a newspaper, magazine, or, perchance, a book. Bake a cake, do some ironing, put some clothes away, chat to your husband, a friend or family member, or next-door-neighbour. Put a piece of paper on the table and doodle. Make a list of things you'd like to do before you die, places you'd like to visit, that sort of thing.

But don't, for fuck's sake, just make another forum posting that announces merely that you are alive and here, and announcing only that.

We already know.

Do you remember the TV show Why Don't You??

Piss off! Just coz I'm more cleverer than you inni'?

Lady G.

Yes, that's right. You are. Of course you are.

I'll get off now, because I'm ultra-fed-up of all the meaningless 'thoughts' and endless other 'pointless points' expressed by you on these pages.

Regardless of what you reply, I promise I won't respond, allowing you to have the last word.

(I wonder if that'll work...)

Monkey. I don't believe you. Aha!

PROVE IT!

LG

Told you it wouldn't work, M.

Chess?

BTW - I have no illegitimate children.

That's true, that is.

I do have a bike, but the wife's buried it in the shed.

Beneath a pile of debris.

Chess?

Regards

Skoob.

Mister Meaner, just don't try to get out of the conversation that way, otherwise I will be forced to assume another identity too and come after you.

Be bloody well warned you multi-personalitied person.

By the way...I haven't seen Monkey Woods Junior around lately.

Maybe I am looking in all the wrong places.

Time to start turning over rocks and rotten tree stumps.

LG

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Quote: Lady Godiva

By the way...I haven't seen Monkey Woods Junior around lately.

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You rang?

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Quote: Lady Godiva

Mister Meaner ... I will be forced to assume another idenetity too and come after you.

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What's one of these?

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Quote: Lady Godiva

Time to start turning over rocks and rotten tree stumps.

LG

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Plenty of these in your back garden, I'll bet.

A cauldron as well, I shouldn't wonder.

Hey, I went back and edited, even before I read your post.

Yes I do have a 'wee black couldron'. It doesn't help me with my 'spelling' though...I still have to use a dictionary.

L.G.

.

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Quote: Lady Godiva

Hey, I went back and edited, even before I read your post.

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You mean, my son's post. Yeah, we all believe you, even though the time is posted up there at the top for us all to see.

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Quote: Lady Godiva

a 'wee black couldron'.

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What's one of these?

Eh?

Just leave me alone for dog's sake. Stop picking on me the three of you (who are but ONE). I've got you sussed.

Sod the times on the edits. That sucks big time.

The three of you can go and crawl up Simon Cowell's backside for all I care though. An' Ah am not even bovvered! Righ? Inni'?

Lo' o' Chavs you are....except you are only ONE though.

LG

A 'couldron' - if you REALLY wish to know...is a room where nit-pickers are sent for a 30 day period and forced to burn dictionaries. A minimum of 10 per day per nit-picker.

So there!

I am so far ahead of Wikipedia that it's not even funny anymore.

LG

Lady G, there are many more like you out there.
SKOOB has paid them to be quiet, but there has been a break through. I have recieved a letter, and will reply shortly.
If not a bit taller.

Arm xxx

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Quote: Lady Godiva

I am so far ahead of Wikipedia that it's not even funny anymore.

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... and so far up your own arse, that it's not even smelly anymore.

Dear Skoob,
I didn't want you to find out but now it is all over the internet.
Can i call you Dad?
Yes, it is true.
Remember the American blond back in 1968 when you were both free living hippies?
No, of course not. You were both stoned out of your gourd.
Well, anyway, there it is.
So, the next thing is: do you have a pension fund and an insurance program that includes siblings?
Do you have a will made out yet? My name is spelled RFREED.
Also, if you can you help me get a dual citizenship. A British empire passport gets me into places and American won't.
Oh, I forgot, Love and hugs Dad!

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Quote: rfreed

Dear Skoob,
I didn't want you to find out but now it is all over the internet.
Can i call you Dad?
Yes, it is true.
Remember the American blond back in 1968 when you were both free living hippies?
No, of course not. You were both stoned out of your gourd.
Well, anyway, there it is.
So, the next thing is: do you have a pension fund and an insurance program that includes siblings?
Do you have a will made out yet? My name is spelled RFREED.
Also, if you can you help me get a dual citizenship. A British empire passport gets me into places and American won't.
Oh, I forgot, Love and hugs Dad!

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Spawn of Stella Artois....whilst marooned on the Herprides (sic)

Good looking woman in her time...good 'ead on 'er as I recall...
mind you, she got around some...were you still born?

And, sorry to break it to you like this, Skoob, but Morse is the bastard son of that skank you met in Russia during your high school field trip. Sorry....

yeah, I don't blame you. I'd disown him quick too. He'd just love to get his paws on your inheritance.

Skoob's kids just have an illegitimate father

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Quote: Skoob1999

Chess?

BTW - I have no illegitimate children.

Regards

Skoob.

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