Discussion Forum

Is there a God, and if so, who cuts his beard?
I was thinking about this last night, and the answer is a bit of a double edged sword. Nowhere in the bible does it refer to a holy barber, so who does the trimming?

Answers from devil worshippers welcome.



Arm

He's too busy baking to worry about chopping his beard.

I do hope he wears a hair-net though when he's kneading my daily bread.

AFT:

What if He is actually a She? Do you really want to "go there," e.g. a Holy Waxer?

I think he has an electric razor because in the Lord s prayer (still no bleeding apostophe) it says,

For thine is the kingdon the power and the glory.....

Actually, he does not really exist, therefore, neither does his flipping beard. So stop worrying! (Spoken in Steve McDonalds voice - him of Corrie. It is the only F word he uses.)

BURN HER! BURN HER! LADY GODIVA IS A HERETIC!!! NON BELIEVER!! BLASHPEMER! SODOTHINGY!

Other than that, she's a lovely lady!


Maybe God is a woman? Therefore, she must have hormone problems with a beard that long!

Why does God have a white beard?

Why does nobody ever consider God to have a black beard?

It's only logical that a figure of such immense power would want to look his best and more than likely use Just For Men.

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Quote: Jesus Budda

Why does God have a white beard?

Why does nobody ever consider God to have a black beard?

It's only logical that a figure of such immense power would want to look his best and more than likely use Just For Men.

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JB, don't get sucked in to this religious whiff whaff, nails through feet and hands can be painful

Don't I know only too well.

I died on a cross once.
And I died beneath some tree once too.

Being a deity is tough work. But it has its perks: everlasting life, magic powers, and the likes.

I still believe in the Worzel Gummidge explanation of life and death.

It is in a couple of my articles so I am not going to type it all again.

Crikey! I sound very stilted without my apostrophes.

It is very formal when one does not have use of the apostrophe, is it not?

Apostle or not Jesus was not gay, in fact he died in Rome married with a couple of urchins

Oh...were you at the wedding or are you one of the little urchins. Just wondering. (Hey...sounds like you read my story - or are you just psychic like Paul the lobster)

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Quote: armfeetandtoe

Is there a God, and if so, who cuts his beard?
I was thinking about this last night, and the answer is a bit of a double edged sword. Nowhere in the bible does it refer to a holy barber, so who does the trimming?

Answers from devil worshippers welcome.

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I believe God is relative.

Very large animals often communicate using subsonic frequencies we cannot hear. Tiny animals sound like squeaks because they use higher frequencies.

Physically, the same is true. A mouse running beside an elephant would take dozens of steps to the elephant's one.

Metabolically, the same is also true. Your heart rate and other physical processes lie somewhere between the metabolism of a mouse and an elephant.

Perception is relative. What you perceive as normal seems slow and plodding to that quick-stepping mouse, while to the elephant, you probably appear as hyperactive as the mouse seems to you.

Well, there are bacteria in your colon. They have a life span of about 20 minutes, so their perception, metabolism, and any form of cummunication they might have would happen so fast we'd never make out those nano-squeaks anyway.

So, who's to say two of them aren't looking around at the inside of your colon right now saying, "Is this really all there is? What else do you think is out there?" and they never live to see your duodenum or sphincter, let alone your liver, your spleen, or that pimple on your left buttock.

I believe God is the Universe itself. According to the Bible, God is omnipresent, omnipotent, and omniscient. The Universe qualifies. It's everywhere, it's all powerful, and thanks to gravity, all parts of it "know" what all the other parts are doing.

Interestingly, the Universe displays the same sort of "metabolism relative to size" I refered to earlier. The Milky Way, a spiral galaxy, looks just like and operates by much the same principles as hurricanes, but contains millions of those hurricanes live and die before it goes around just once, and the Milky Way contains them all, just like you contain bacteria.

So, if we came up with the concept of right and wrong, we most likely are contained by and contain other beings that also have concepts of right and wrong.

Incidentally, though I believe the word of Christ is pretty much right on, I have a problem with the Christian concept of Father, Son and Holy Ghost. No females. Every yin has its yang. Life, death. Growth, decay. Good, evil. Right, left. Up, down. Hot, cold. Dark, light. Particle, antiparticle. Action, reaction. Gay, straight. Male, female. Father, Son, Holy Ghost?

Also, if God is omnipotent, omnipresent, and omniscient, that means He is everything, which should also mean that He is a She, and He is also The Devil.

Go figure! I'll stop typing now, before I grow a beard ...

Onion, I could not agree more.

Lady Godiva is a Worzel worshupper so she needs to be burned.

Jaggedone is a Mormon, so he can be given money.

Mark is the editor, so he needs to be burned.

In fact, I think I will start a Spoof Witch Hunt.

Punishment will include: Red hot pokers, The rack and cold baked beans.

Lady G

Makes sense that God went electric.

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Quote: Lady Godiva

I think he has an electric razor because in the Lord s prayer (still no bleeding apostophe) it says,

For thine is the kingdon the power and the glory.....

Actually, he does not really exist, therefore, neither does his flipping beard. So stop worrying! (Spoken in Steve McDonalds voice - him of Corrie. It is the only F word he uses.)

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I wonder if God ever gets pissed off with people praising Him all the time.

I mean, people praised Paul Gascoigne like that after Italia 90 and it didn't do him much good.

Regards

Skoob.

I'll have a blast at whatever the Onion is smoking!

However, he does talk a lot of sense.

I think beards have a symbolic significance in Jewish mysticism do they not??

But remember:

The barber who shaves all and only those who don't shave themselves cannot exist.

I've got a jumper made from ladies' beard and underarm hair shavings.

Bought it in Nepal.

It's quite nice, but it tends to be a bit itchy in warm weather.

Regards

Skoob.

Yes, so do the Nelapese ladies. According to a reliable source.

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Quote: Skoob1999

I've got a jumper made from ladies' beard and underarm hair shavings.

Bought it in Nepal.

It's quite nice, but it tends to be a bit itchy in warm weather.

Regards

Skoob.

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Listen you bunch of lunatics (Yes, that includes you SKOOB)

This question of god having a beard and who cuts it still has not been answered! And it must.

There must be someone who knows? It is a fundamental question of difidius quentinostic perebolication that only the most spiritual of beings can answer

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Quote: Jesus Budda

Don't I know only too well.

I died on a cross once.
And I died beneath some tree once too.

Being a deity is tough work. But it has its perks: everlasting life, magic powers, and the likes.

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Don't be silly JB everyone knows JC was crucified in Calgary

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Quote: armfeetandtoe

Listen you bunch of lunatics (Yes, that includes you SKOOB)

This question of god having a beard and who cuts it still has not been answered! And it must.

There must be someone who knows? It is a fundamental question of difidius quentinostic perebolication that only the most spiritual of beings can answer

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THE ONLY ANSWER CAN BE GOD KNOWS!

I just can't wrap my mind around the concept of an afterlife. Crikey, this one is difficult enough.

I WANT PROOF!

I didn't believe Holland existed until I went there and saw it for myself. So, there you go.

Why did the Ten Commandments disappear? They were proof were they not?

Why doesn't my Uncle Stephen come back and tell me he's OK on 'the other side' like I asked him to?

Why didn't my DAD come back to calm me when he knows how I have suffered so much, since I began questioning the existence of God since I was seven years old. Surely my dad would care, if no-one else did.

Why, why, why. Too many whys.

I want God's job. He never gets blamed for anything. If he doesn't answer prayers my Christian friends say,

"Well he will....eventually....but when he DOES it may not be the answer YOU want....you just have to ACCEPT it.

Sorry! Can't do! Won't do!

You want the proof??

YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE PROOF!!!

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Quote: armfeetandtoe

Is there a God, and if so, who cuts his beard?

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Mrs. God?

I'll bet she also picks out his daily robe and gets mad when he doesn't pick up his socks.