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Forum Home / General Discussion / I Almost Wrote This Story As A Spoof 6 Months Ago...
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Monkey Woods
Dirty Ape Location: Planet Earth Registered: 29 Dec 06 Forum Profile Writer's Profile |
...but now it's too late. It's ACTUAL NEWS!
Read This Now It just makes me wonder, if it has happened once, couldn't it have happened 'more than once'? In fact, it leads me to wonder just how many babies, as well as children and adults, have been 'laid to rest' in a coffin, only to 'wake up' after they have been put in the ground. Chilling, isn't it, to think that you could nod off after a few beers too many, give some crackpot doctor the idea that your system had thrown the towel in, and end up being prematurely buried? |
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Fergus McCarthy
Devil's Avocado Location: Hibernia. Registered: 17 Jan 07 Forum Profile Writer's Profile |
Now you have me paranoid.
I had a couple of beers last night and I've just woken up on the chair. Now I'm afraid to go to bed. |
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Monkey Woods
Dirty Ape Location: Planet Earth Registered: 29 Dec 06 Forum Profile Writer's Profile |
You've probably already died, but are not aware of it.
You are currently in some trance-like state, thinking that you have just woken up and gone on the Spoof, when in reality, your wife is wailing away behind you as they nail you in. Wake up, man! Wake up! Before it's too late! Actually, if you suspect this scenario may happen to you, there is a precaution you can always take before you set out on your drinking trip: Take some tools with you. |
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smurfette
Writer Location: tulsa, oklahoma, usa Registered: 22 Jul 09 Forum Profile Writer's Profile |
********************************************************** i sure hope the little guy makes it! what a little fighter! i have a heart arrhythmia that can cause my heart rate to jump up to over 400 beats a minute, a condition called torsade de points, which can cause my heart rate to be undetectable. it is the same condition that has caused a lot of athletes to die during competition without a previous history of heart problems. i am terrified of being declared dead when i am still alive. i guess it pretty much accounts for my insomnia. |
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Monkey Woods
Dirty Ape Location: Planet Earth Registered: 29 Dec 06 Forum Profile Writer's Profile |
Leave my email address on your person for the medics to contact me when, and if, you 'die', and I'll come and give you the Kiss of Life. (I'll be using my tongue.)
If I can't revive you after about, say, 15 minutes, I think we can safely say you'll be dead. Fair enough? monkeywoodshull@gmail.com |
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Fergus McCarthy
Devil's Avocado Location: Hibernia. Registered: 17 Jan 07 Forum Profile Writer's Profile |
I'm still alive but I'll write it on my arm tonight with permanent marker, I still have beer. Thanks Monkey, it's nice to know some one cares. |
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Fergus McCarthy
Devil's Avocado Location: Hibernia. Registered: 17 Jan 07 Forum Profile Writer's Profile |
I'll keep some breath freshener in my back pocket, for both of us.
Make sure you shave. |
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Monkey Woods
Dirty Ape Location: Planet Earth Registered: 29 Dec 06 Forum Profile Writer's Profile |
I was talking to Becca, but I suppose you'll do.
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smurfette
Writer Location: tulsa, oklahoma, usa Registered: 22 Jul 09 Forum Profile Writer's Profile |
************************************************************* i was beginning to wonder just exactly how dirty of an ape you were! thanks for the offer...... do feel free to administer chest compressions while you're at it, ok? peace becca |
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Monkey Woods
Dirty Ape Location: Planet Earth Registered: 29 Dec 06 Forum Profile Writer's Profile |
For an ape, I'm fairly clean, but for a human, I'm fucking filthy. And I've got a massive pair of hairy gonads. Don't lose the email address. |
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smurfette
Writer Location: tulsa, oklahoma, usa Registered: 22 Jul 09 Forum Profile Writer's Profile |
********************************************************** i've got a loverly pair of coconuts (38 d's to be exact) that'll need a LOT of compressing to get my heart started back up! have you heard of the southern rock group jackyl? they have song called "dirty little mind"; my friends claim it was written about me i love their lumberjack song too so i guess i'm pretty filthy for a human too i'm at CreatureoftheNight@ymail.com (yeah, as in the rocky horror picture show; j.o. was ridiculously off base about me) |
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Monkey Woods
Dirty Ape Location: Planet Earth Registered: 29 Dec 06 Forum Profile Writer's Profile |
Yeah, and a Tulsa bitch too, huh?
Have you seen the film Rumble Fish? No reason, just thought I'd ask. Shall we go to PMs, or are you happy to play out this whole scenario in front of the leering crowds? You filthy fucking trollop. |
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smurfette
Writer Location: tulsa, oklahoma, usa Registered: 22 Jul 09 Forum Profile Writer's Profile |
********************************************************** wouldn't bother me in the least........ i am the worst sort of exhibitionist....... i was formerly engaged to a member of a british punk band; i scared the living shit out of him (no, my name is NOT nancy, tyvm ....... i actually do have a BIT of class about me, in addition to one hell of a pedigree) umm, i was here when they filmed the outsiders; the drag race was taped about 3 miles from my home at the time so i am quite familiar with rumble fish as well i understand tulsa has a crap reputation; i was neither born nor raised here i have raised a lot of hell here in the past, though becca |
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Monkey Woods
Dirty Ape Location: Planet Earth Registered: 29 Dec 06 Forum Profile Writer's Profile |
Which one?
Hmmm... another SE Hinton book. I like that. I'm liking you more and more, Becca.
Shit! You haven't seen where I just came from!
Ah, but have you sucked much 'bell'? Oops, sorry. That was uncalled for, and I wholeheatedly apologise. |
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smurfette
Writer Location: tulsa, oklahoma, usa Registered: 22 Jul 09 Forum Profile Writer's Profile |
********************************************************** wouldn't YOU like to know! thanks for the advance apology; you seem to be quite the gentleman, mr m.w. peace becca |
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Monkey Woods
Dirty Ape Location: Planet Earth Registered: 29 Dec 06 Forum Profile Writer's Profile |
Dudley, West Midlands, UK. Cross it off your 'Places To Visit' list. Trust me. |
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smurfette
Writer Location: tulsa, oklahoma, usa Registered: 22 Jul 09 Forum Profile Writer's Profile |
********************************************************** i would truly love to travel to scotland to visit the landmarks but i am TERRIFIED of flying over water and even more so of ships; my father is quite insane - he has been working on a boat FOREVER and intends to sail there himself! would you laugh at me if i exposed my complete and total ignorance of geography to ask where on earth (or in england) west midlands is exactly? peace becca |
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Jaggedone
Banned |
It's pretty obvious the Bang-KOK air is effecting our Monks!
Sweat and balls more like! The West Midlands is Wales, just been on my hols there, rained pigs and sheep!! |
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Monkey Woods
Dirty Ape Location: Planet Earth Registered: 29 Dec 06 Forum Profile Writer's Profile |
Dudley is about 10 miles west of Birmingham.
Google it. If there are any images on your google result, try not to look into the eyes of any local people. It's important. |
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smurfette
Writer Location: tulsa, oklahoma, usa Registered: 22 Jul 09 Forum Profile Writer's Profile |
************************************************************ oh my gawd, you actually lived in the village of the damned?! i bet you suffered frequent migraines with all those sets of little red, glowing eyes staring at you! |
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Monkey Woods
Dirty Ape Location: Planet Earth Registered: 29 Dec 06 Forum Profile Writer's Profile |
This one belongs in my favourite films list. The original, not the Chris Reeve remake. Thanks for reminding me of it. I'll thank you properly when we meet. I'm going to bed now. I'll speak to you again tomorrow. Be dressed appropriately. |
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smurfette
Writer Location: tulsa, oklahoma, usa Registered: 22 Jul 09 Forum Profile Writer's Profile |
************************************************************* jai ho, j.o.! did you go to visit the relics? "The oldest condoms found (rather than just pictures or descriptions) were discovered in Dudley Castle and date from 1640" (do feel free to write an absolutely FILTHY spoof about this little factoid!) peace becca |
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Jaggedone
Banned |
Thanks for the tip, but to busy praying to write about such filth! BTW have you anything to do with the Ronettes or the Sufragettes, or even the Roubettes (Sugar Baby Love, aagh, aaagh!)? |
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smurfette
Writer Location: tulsa, oklahoma, usa Registered: 22 Jul 09 Forum Profile Writer's Profile |
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Jaggedone
Banned |
Sorry Smurfette (excuse the 3 degreeing but are you also blue?)
Like some of your music tastes, the Pistols, early Bowie, etc! My origins in music are also underground, the Velvets, Joy Division, KIlling Joke, etc! BTW, I spelt the R(o)ubettes wrong, poppy 70's band and a load of crap! |
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