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This is for all you "bird" lovers.................


A Mexican woodpecker and a Canadian woodpecker were in Mexico arguing about which place had the toughest trees. The Mexican woodpecker claimed Mexico had a tree that no woodpecker could peck.
The Canadian woodpecker accepted his challenge and promptly pecked a hole in the tree with no problem. The Mexican woodpecker was amazed.

The Canadian woodpecker then challenged the Mexican woodpecker to peck a tree in Canada that was absolutely 'impeckable' (a term frequently used by woodpeckers ).
The Mexican woodpecker expressed confidence that he could do it and accepted the challenge.

The two flew to Canada where the Mexican woodpecker successfully pecked the so-called 'impeckable' tree almost without breaking a sweat.
Both woodpeckers were now terribly confused. How is it that the Canadian woodpecker was able to peck the Mexican tree, and the Mexican woodpecker was able to peck the Canadian tree, yet neither was able to peck the tree in their own country?
After much woodpecker pondering, they both came to the same conclusion:

Apparently, your pecker gets harder when you're away from home

Nice one Buck.

Regards

Skoob

Buck

Just read that one out to Mrs Skoob.

She loved it too.

She says 5* Me too.

Best Wishes

Skoob

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Quote: Skoob1999

Nice one Buck.

Regards

Skoob

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Note to Buck: if you've ever been to Cape Coral, Florida, home of the endless treeless subdivsion, you'll know why they say a visiting woodpecker passing through has to carry his own lunch....

Keep peckin' away!

Buckwheat:

It's so BAD that's what makes it so GOOD. I give it a 10 out of 10.

Cheers, Phil

Buck - you know that was terrible otherwise you would put it in Jokes. However,'Impeckable' is brilliant.
Roy

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Quote: BuckwheatsButt

pecker gets harder when away from home

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I think Confuscius said this.

No,not exactly... he said....'Woman that fly upside down in airplane usually end in crack up!'

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Quote: BuckwheatsButt

No,not exactly... he said....'Woman that fly upside down in airplane usually end in crack up!'

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and more recently," woman who sit on beach at Cape Canaveral soon have sand in Schlitz!"

Hey Buck: do you remember that horrible Ballentine (maybe it was Pabst) beer in the copper cans that sat out in the sun for 6 months at Long Binh before they sent it out to the troops? Even Bier 33 with the formaldehyde was better than that shit...I think it's still there moldering at Tan San Nhut airport cause no one will drink the shit!

Buck

Morse seems like a real nice guy

But WTF is he talking about?

Best Regards

Skoob

I believe it was Pabst.......About the suckiest beer next to Schaefer beer! It all tasted like crap. Wait...I remember now the 3-ring shit! Ballentine had copper colored cans!

I once drank so much of that warm shit, went to take a dump and as I sat there I got so sick I hurled right into my pulled down underwear. Bad part was I just pulled them up and stumbled to my rack. I was rather disgusting back in those days.

There was a Thai beer that was pretty good, but I can't remember the name. In fact, I can't remember much of anything after drinking that stuff. Except Rosie Number 1 she could love you long time!

Both of those low-bidder breweries are out of business now.

Buck

If there's two things I hate about life, it's got to be bad beer and lippy kids.

Kindest

Skoob

Scoob: Schlitz was a beer that was popular for awhile, but eventually faded away to Beer Heaven!

Buck! I was right, Pabst Blue Ribbon!!!!! Some fucking admin type must have got a big payoff to foist that off on us over there! That was absolutely Horrible!

PS: you were disgusting! Let's do it again!

Morse #10 dinky dau GI!

Morse

Welcome home.

You had me worried for a minute back there bro.

I thought you were as nuts as me.

Anyway, carry on.

Kindest And Best

Skoob

Oh and don't think I don't know what 'dinky dau' means.

I'm effluent in four of them language thingys,

Twenty ocho!!! That's me!!!

Unico grande amore

I love French me I do.

I'm from Salford you know...

Skoob

Skoob: as Buck can confirm, the term referred to crazy spoof writers in Viet Nam who practiced their craft writing short stories on the shit house walls.

The uncanny thing was that the more outrageous the spoof, the more likely it was to come true....much like today's events!

an examplecirca Jan. 196 Secretary of Defense Robert McNamara announced today that the recent TET offensive recorded an enemy body count of 35,000 VC and assorted Regular North Vietnamese Soldiers. The count is expected to rise as soon as ACORN volunteers are cleared to go into the Combat Zone, and go door to door."

We are omnipotent, seers into the future...what a gift to have. Scary, though!

Yours, Now and in the Future

Morse the Scribe

'Morse The Scribe'

I like it. It's got that certain Je ne sais pas to it.

Never been to Vietnam, but my uncle went to North Africa. Said it was a terrible place. Apparently some German chappies kept trying to either shoot him or blow him up.

Didn't sound half as much fun as Blackpool.

As Ever

Skoob

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Quote: Skoob1999

'Morse The Scribe'

I like it. It's got that certain Je ne sais pas to it.

Never been to Vietnam, but my uncle went to North Africa. Said it was a terrible place. Apparently some German chappies kept trying to either shoot him or blow him up.

Didn't sound half as much fun as Blackpool.

As Ever

Skoob

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Skoob: I had mentioned earlier that I had one uncle that was an e-boat skipper, but didn't mention I had another captured in N. Afrika fighting with Rommel. When he came "home", moved immediatelyl to Italy, the navy guy became quite successful working for Krupp, evenually starting his own business, and tactfully suggested to my grandparents they could stop sending "care packages" around 1949. I had 2 other uncles on the allies side, one with Mark Clark going into Italy, and don't know where the other one was. I still remember my mother giving me a metal kettle and a metal soup ladle to go out and pound in the neighborhood when the European end of the war was announced on the radio in 1945...amazing how history repeats itself!

I was captured by the Germans after my P-51 took a direct hit over the Rhineland. Canopy stuck so I had to shoot the latch off with my .38 revolver.
I free fell about 2,00 feet and my chute partially opened, it slowed my descent somewhat but still hit the trees pretty hard. I dangled there for about 4 hours until a German patrol found me near dark.

The lead gruperfuher ordered his men to shoot at me and they did. Fortunetley, all missed but tore up my clothing somewhat. One lucky shot hit the shrouds and I was cut loose. As I fell, I drew my weapon and emptied the revolver and killed all five of those nasty krauts.

I thought I was in the clear and started my way back west hoping to run into a forward allied patrol but then the artillery barrage started from both sides.........

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Quote: BuckwheatsButt

I was captured by the Germans after my P-51 took a direct hit over the Rhineland. Canopy stuck so I had to shoot the latch off with my .38 revolver.
I free fell about 2,00 feet and my chute partially opened, it slowed my descent somewhat but still hit the trees pretty hard. I dangled there for about 4 hours until a German patrol found me near dark.

The lead gruperfuher ordered his men to shoot at me and they did. Fortunetley, all missed but tore up my clothing somewhat. One lucky shot hit the shrouds and I was cut loose. As I fell, I drew my weapon and emptied the revolver and killed all five of those nasty krauts.

I thought I was in the clear and started my way back west hoping to run into a forward allied patrol but then the artillery barrage started from both sides.........

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...and in my panic I tripped and fell into a shell hole that was still smoking from when I dropped my long distance tanks, and it luckily created a warm crater, not unlike the women with the world's largest vagina, that I had just left 2 hours before in Bristol.

I lay there for minutes, the shells bursting overhead, and I was transported back to my youth, under the boardwalk in Asbury Park, NY, where the high school Junior cheerleader, with the world's smallest vagina, was attempting to entertain me during the local 4th of July fireworks celebration.

As I begain to get my night vision back, I suddenly noticed I was not alone in my womb like protection. Imagine my surprise when I heard a breathless female voice whisper "Wo Ist Du". Noticing that she used the familiar form of the work 'You", I was emboldened to respond, "It is I, the American Hero Air Force Pilot come to bring you chocalate, cigarettes and silk stockings," as I covertly removed my white silk flying scarf, I had dozens for just such a Romantic Emergency, and tentatively passed it toward her across the smoldering span of the palpable sexual tension in our cordite moldering haven.

I heard the immediate startled inhalation of her breath as she heard my deep baratone voice, practiced in front of the mirror as I copied the mannerisms of Gregory Peck in "12 O'clock High".

The next thing I remember is hearing the sudden sound of a zipper being undone, and the erotic sound of silk like clothing sliding down, what I could only imagine was a flawless Nordic Body.

With a sudden rush, my new fox hole buddy hurled herself into my startled, but welcoming arms. I felt her warm breath in my ear, and her hands frantically trying to undo the zipper on my Leather Sheep Skin lined flying jacket, as she hummed the Horst Wiessel song and a few bars from "Flight of the Valkeries" in my ear.

Just as she was positioning herself to impale herself on my avenging Allied Sword, my cellphone rang, and it was my wingman, Buck, who had seen me bailout, and wanted a vector on me so he could perfect the perfect rescue, regardless of the personal risk involved. Buck had already received l distinguished Flying Cross and was a triple Ace since he had arrived in England, and he had also in addition to 15 Feline Scores, had shot down 2 dozen Me-109's and a Folke Wulf night fighter.

I put the call on hold until I was finished, it didn't take long, at least the first time, and called him back. When he finally answered I told him of the current situation, and as usual Buck asked the obvvious question...."does she have a sister...", I replied in the affirmative and Buck said...................

.......Does she have a sister?

Hey Morse! It's me Buck!

Listen up, I was notified by S-2 that there are German SS troopers down there posing as 'women' and if she has a 'sister' it's most like a fricken kraut with a bayonet and grenades in her bloomers! I repeat krauts dressed up as women.
Yeah! W-O-M-E-N!!!

Check to see if your pecker is still there. There's a big shortage of German sausage now and who knows what these guys are capable of.
They are part of the Kraustengruber SS Elite service and they all look like Eva Braun. You know, blonde, blue-eyed, dumpy legs, and breath that smells like sauerkraut! Oh, did I mention they wear aprons and squirrley little hats too.
Gotta go...Have to drop these two 500lb bombs.

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Quote: BuckwheatsButt

Hey Morse! It's me Buck! I was notified by S-2 that there are German SS troopers down there posing as women!
Yeah! W-O-M-E-N!!!
A certain

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.....

Non Plused, after all any port in a storm as my Limey Mates serving in the Royal Navy told me many a time, I regained control of the sticky situation and thanked the Hauptmann for the lap dance, and got back to the real matter at hand!

By that time I had reloaded my trusty Colt .38, pointed it at his drooping privates and asked the burning question I really needed to know. "Where are you hiding your sister?" Turned out he didn't have a sister, but he did guide me to the next best thing, a monastery of sex starved nunlettes in training.

And that kids, is how your Grandfather finished up the war! I finally decided to come back to the states in 1948 being content that the record showed 22 enemy kills in the air, and the genetic continuation of 42 additional blonde haired, blue eyed , mini me's. Life was good!

And my wingman, Buck, you ask? He went home a decorated veteran and gained note as a gallant crop duster in the great state of Florida where he gained national acclaim in keeping the native fruits bug free!

THE END

See MB? Nutters!

Great isn't it?

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Quote: Fergus McCarthy

See MB? Nutters!

Great isn't it?

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Yes. Yes, it is.

I don't know if you remember or not, but I put up a continuing story thread around x-mas. Anyway, Bucks and Morse contributed quite a bit. That's what their WW2 story reminded me of.

They are Nutters

You ain't seen nuttin' yet...wait a few months and Buck and I will
be covering WWIII....hope you Brits are still around to read it...
it's going to be "the nuts"....

Maybe we should have a new story line once a month...kind of like a "best ball" match in golf.....everyone in the foresome steps up and hits the best ball struck every shot, and records the best score for each hole....unless MB,Ferg and Buck just want to have a Three Some at the Reunion.....Mark showed me their resume which concludes...."don't play well with others!"