National Gandhi Day Sparks 4-Day Riots

Funny story written by Scooter Nairns

Wednesday, 2 December 2020

image for National Gandhi Day Sparks 4-Day Riots
"Are you lookin' at me, huh?..."

Iconic Indian Chef Mr Gandhi, who was the creator of the legendary Buryani, and had also played international cricket in his spare time, was due to have a statue erected in his honour to mark the anniversary of his death. BLM activists got wind of it though, and spray-painted it before throwing it in the sea, and then blaming the police.

The winner of the first coveted Michelin Star outside of Basingstoke, and record holder to over 20,000 runs For India, his followers on Twitter said it was a very sad time to mark the start of National Curry Week.

"He was liked by us all," said a distraught Morag from Denny.

Gandhi, himself a vegetarian, who would only eat Rice Crispies and Pizza Crunch Suppers, once claimed that the world would be an even better place if animals could talk. "There would be less killing of animals then, because they'd have their own wee unions and committees to fight the bullies."

Indian Prime Minister Naseem Hamed sighed, "He was one of the greats. Everything he touched turned to goat. For a vegetarian, he was a real badass in the kitchen, a true champion. Then he'd relax on his veranda at the end of the night and play Norman Wisdom tunes on his ukulele into the wee sma' oors. A real gem of a guy, the BLM need a good kicking for wasting these celebrations."

Gandhi, who recently outsold Professor Stephen Hawking with his theory of the offside rule and zonal marking whilst coping with VAR, had claimed in an exclusive interview with Bill Leckie that hidden lasers were often used to slow players down, or even stop them in their tracks, and that was why some players appear to 'dive' when no-one is near them. Leckie then spent his last remaining credibility in journalism trying to prove him wrong. Leckie now works for The Sun.

Gordon Ramsay commented, "I'm known for being a fucken evil fucken bastard in the fucken kitchen because I shout and fucken swear alot. Fucken Gandhi was pure fucken evil man, but he was a quiet little fucker! He didn't have to say a fucken word, he just looked pure evil through those thin shiny brass goggles. He once fucken stared-out a goat and it collapsed and died right in front of the evil fucker, and the scary cunt just laughed."

BLM activist Malky Z would only say, "He wasn't a very nice man. In fact, he was a slave driver. He drove the slaves everywhere in the back of his van so they could work in restaurants all around Leeds and Bradford. Scum."

Food Critic Shamal Raggamuffin said, dejectedly, "His runs were legendary."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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