Vegan flatulence a serious threat to the ozone layer say scientists

Written by Johnny Shlep

Thursday, 18 July 2019

image for Vegan flatulence a serious threat to the ozone layer say scientists
It's an ill wind. An ozone-busting vegan pictured endangering the planet last night

A recent study by The Royal Society has found that gaseous emissions from vegans are destroying the ozone layer faster than all the power stations on the planet.

A spokesman for the society told newsmen: "At this rate, vegans will have destroyed the ozone layer by this Christmas, meaning that we'll all have been killed by the Sun's UV rays well before next Easter.

"Unless these people see sense and abandon the quinoa burgers and nut roasts for a few steaks dinners, all life on this planet will be extinct before the next World Cup in Qatar."

The Vegan Society hit back at the findings last night.

Chairperson, Hermione Dell, told a press conference: "We vegans will never abandon our fight to rid the world of animal cruelty and bacon buttie consumption.

"If that means that all life on the planet is destroyed in the process, then it's a price well worth paying in our view."

Newsmen were forced to hurry from the scene shortly afterwards as Ms Dell emitted a series of thunderous, foul-smelling 'rip-snorters' as she passed around a plate of Seaweed Twizzlers.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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