I'll Beat Trump's Bloody Head In: Dalai Lama's Shock Outburst

Written by Johnny Shlep

Tuesday, 9 July 2019

image for I'll Beat Trump's Bloody Head In: Dalai Lama's Shock Outburst

His Holiness, The Dalai Lama, shocked Buddhists across the world last night, by telling journalists that he's "had enough of that f******g cretin, Donald Trump," and vowed to "beat his bloody head in" at the earliest opportunity.

Speaking at a press conference in the Himalayas, a clearly furious Lama told newsmen: "His latest bullshit assertion that there were aeroplanes in the War of Independence was the straw that broke the camel's back for me.

"I was actually at prayer when I heard it on the BBC World Service, and became so furious, I smashed up my prayer wheel and threw it at the temple cat's head.

"I'm now praying he'll ask for an audience with me, so that I can stick the boot into the fat orange fuck, and give this weapons-grade asshole the spanking he so richly deserves."

At this point a female temple handmaiden rushed over and restrained the raging living deity, telling him to, "leave it," and that, "he's not worth it."

This latest outburst comes just a week after the Archbishop of Canterbury hit out at former White House Press Secretary, Sarah Huckabee Sanders, telling reporters that he'd "dearly love to boot her right in the growler."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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