Bonn, Bonn, somewhere in France: German chancellor, Angel Merkel, has admitted to listening to US because she just cannot stand the sound of her own voice.
After having playbacks played back to her by her favourite minister, Herr Arschloch van Winkeldick, she discovered that the US must be deaf because nobody, even her closest Stasis pies, can stand the sound of her mobile telephone voice stuck in a Pentagon can.
President Obama agrees and has wiped out all of Merkels calls and instead bought Yoko Ono's latest album called "Imagine if I could sing" written by Sting, who can't either.
The Oval Office has resigned to the fact that Merkel could be Putins secret lover, and respectively, has cut all diplomatic ties with the Ukraine because they are not worth whistle-blowing on.
Putin denies all that Merkel spat down the telephone and is now having some R & R at a Black Sea submarine depot hoping to find a decent German World War 2 U Boat relic so he can throw torpedoes at Yalta where it all started!
More as we whistle-blow it...
