Latest Vatican scandal: Pope Benedict accepts new religious leadership

Funny story written by Bea Shaylee Sayers

Monday, 18 February 2013

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Vatican City - A massive scandal broke at the Vatican less than two weeks away from a historic papal resignation. The Pope Benedict's personal yoga instructor has just revealed that the leader of the Catholic Church will become the leader of the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster immediately after leaving the Vatican on February 28.

Late December, the Pope supposedly confessed to his instructor during a yoga session that he'd been under a lot of pressure the entire year, with the growing number of abuse scandals and lack of support from his cardinals. Then, the Vatileaks scandal that broke after the Pope's personal butler, Paolo Gabriele, stole confidential documents allegedly exposing corruption in Vatican contracts was supposedly the last straw for Pope Benedict.

"With all these indignity and disgrace, the Vatican has become such a dark place in the Pope's heart that he needed a pacemaker," said the yoga instructor who doesn't want to reveal his name, but wants to announce that his new yoga studio will soon open just a block away from the famous Via Veneto in Rome.

"We were in Dandayamana Dhanurasana position when Pope Benedict suddenly had a divine revelation. He got very excited and told me he finally knew how to leave behind all these intrigue and darkness surrounding him. He told me he needed to dedicate himself to simpler and lighter religion."

According to the instructor, the Pope applied to join the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster or Pastafarianism. In response, the current leader of the Catholic Church was offered a new leadership, which he supposedly eagerly accepted.

If confirmed, this will be shocking news to the entire religious world, as the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster isn't simply a movement that promotes a light-hearted view of religion, but as many agree, a simple parody of religion.

The central belief of the Pastafarians is that an invisible and undetectable Flying Spaghetti Monster created the universe after drinking heavily, thus creating a flawed Earth. The Pastafarian Heaven includes a beer volcano and a stripper factory, while the Pastafarian Hell is similar, except that the beer is stale and the strippers have sexually transmitted diseases.

Pope Benedict hasn't returned any phone calls and the Holy See Press Office has released a statement that no statement will be made till February 28.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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